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I am invisible

jdoe123

jdoe123

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 16, 2008
Messages
150
Location
United States
I am invisible and so is my pain.

It does not matter how loud I yell.
It does not matter how calm I explain it.
It does not matter how much I stay depressed.
It does not matter how many times I say .....the things you say hurt me.
It does not matter how many times I say the things you do hurt me emotionally.
It does not matter if I state the steps he needs to take to change his behavior.
It does not matter how much I cry.
It does not matter how much I plead.
It does not matter how much I do for him.

It does not matter...I do not matter to him.
I am invisible and so is my pain.

.....The only support I have tells me it is not the right time to be having these emotional problems.
 
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saffron

Guest
Jo
your emotions are very important and you are keeping your family together very well, that is a great strength. sometimes people are so wrapped up in their own mental state they do not realise that anyone else can possibly be going through the same thing.
the only person who will hear how you feel about yourself is you and how you take things emotionally is partly down to inner strength and partly due to confidence is being able to ride over hurtful words. You are obviously not either at the moment so need to try and stop being a martyr and starting looking after y0ur own sanity, then you may not take hurtful words and behavioiur so personally.
Oddy is there for you to go for release walks, where you can have time to yourself to think and reflect. But please go and see your doctor again becasue you are obviously finding this time very hard to cope with and need help, by what ever means. You cannot be expected to take all this on on your own.
Be selfish for a while, if that how you want to describe it, although of course your not, you are just not strong enough to be the person they expect you to be at the moment. There is nothing wrong with that you are human after all.
Thinking of you and wish I could do more.
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A

Apotheosis

Guest
Hi Jdoe

I hope that you are OK. I feel that mental illness & especially schizophrenia is an Invisible illness. Hope things improve soon.

:hug:
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Founding Member
Joined
May 27, 2008
Messages
1,719
Location
Yorkshire
Hi jdoe,

I can sympathise, I feel pretty invisible at the moment... there is so much going on in my head and yet it remains invisible to most.
 
Libra1

Libra1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
515
Location
West Midlands
Hi Jo, can you write down how you are feeling then take that with you when you next visit your doctor?:hug:

I really do empathise with you for feeling/being invisible, I also have an illness that restricts me and no one can see or understand it, it really is annoying to be told 'cheer up it may never happen' and 'you can do it if only you try'.:(

You are not invisible to us, so can post here anytime, or pm someone you trust and sometimes it is really helpful just to have someone else listen :)

Take care and gentle hugs :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
 
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saffron

Guest
Hi Ntuc,
you have made some good points, although it is easier said than done.

if say, you feel totally ignored within your own family, that your feelings are not important, that you just cannot seem to help the people you love, that the people you love take complete advantage of your good nature, tht people you love are so wrapped up in their own problems that they do not care or understand what you are going through as well, that people you love consistently put you down or that people that you love and relly on just treat you as if you were an appliance in your own home? :cry:

I would say that it is an abusive situation, So what then can you do? :confused:

It is very hard for some people to be strong enough to brush it all off, to be able to cope on their own or to not care what other people think.

I dont know what it is like in America, But over here there just isnt enough support as far as I know, and that is sad, because people remain in relationships like this for years fearing they would either loose everything or be really alone. :scared:

best regards
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saffron

Guest
Well done for being so strong and coming through the other side in a positive way.

I have been through a similar situation when growing up and have learned to be strong too, its a case of having too, but sometimes I just wish someone would take some of the slack, or at least I could trust someone enough to. I too felt that I would be better off put in care, of course I dont now because its a terrible existance for children, but then it seemed the best option.
You have given us a very positive story and i commend you for your persistence and drive. well done

In heinsight I wish I new then what I new now. and that I could practice what I preach sometimes, as I said its easier said than done, especially if it is happening now, sometimes it is hard to see a positive way out. thats not saying that there should be a happy ending for everyone, but some people feel and cope differently about things than others.

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saffron

Guest
Next, the so-called 'happy ending' shouldn't be viewed upon as the only end in itself for whatever attemtps / efforts that one would try to change things, particularly their lives for the better.


Not sure what you meant by that, I beleive happiness is what you perceive it to be, its an individual way of being, the 'happy ending' is what you believe it to be.

Have you heard of the person centered approach, its just that some of your writings are very similar to this? just wondering

Therefore, life is short, work hard, if not harder, for no one could tell what the eventual result would be and to the least extent, don't just live the life a coward or a backslider.

I dont know anyone who is going through trauma to be a coward or backslider?

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saffron

Guest
that makes more sense. Yes I agree. Unfortunately you have to be thinking very rationally to believe that you are able to pick yourself up , dust yourself of and start all over again' as they say.

What things could people do to help them think like this when it seems their whole life is falling apart, what did you do? or was it a gradual state of mind ?
I know for me it has been a long slog and although I have managed lots of achievements in my life, it is still not enough, sometimes I think I have done all this because I perceive that it is the way to be accepted in life as a worthwhile human being, I have the degrees, two lovely grown up children, a nice home (not mine) and I suppose a fairly 'normal' life, yet there is still something missing, still something I cannot change or accept about myself no matter how strong or determined I come across.

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saffron

Guest
'Well, these people, apart from taking their medications,'
thats an interesting phrase, I would say 99% of people on this forum are 'these people' and have been going through the med/therapy process for years and still cant find a way out of their trauma/illness.

'Anyway, regardless of how badly a person's state of mind could become or deteriorate to emotionally, life nevertheless still goes on'

You seem to be trivializing the real problem that people go through everyday, it is not that easy to say life goes on.

would you say you had a strong determined character?
You say that you decided from quite a young age that you will need to do well to get out of that 'family' situation, so you had a strong motivation there eh.

'which are actually those inner sense of vanities of yours'
You are so wrong over this, you have totally misread the meaning of this whole thread.

'However, failing to achieve anything one greatly desires or aspires simply doesn't mean that one should in turn feel disappointed, distressed or even dejected over such so-called 'failures'.

somethings are out of reach, you seem to be talking of materialistic and scholarly achievements, I have both of these and achieved exactly what I wanted to, so it is not either of these that is missing.

Ive been to africa too.

And yet, failures to get the goals or 'something missing in one's lfie' accomplished / fulfilled are simply not a very good reason for one to feel any sense of losses, to lose heart, to feel disheartened, to feel discouraged / disappointed and to feel sad for.

I really am not sure whether you are actually being honest here, If life was that easy and we were all bouncing about like happy rabbits no matter what our problems are , mental illness would not exist.

I am really not sure how to take your posts. they come across quite insulting, but I am sure you mean well.

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saffron

Guest
Hi Ntuc

It was interesting to here that all your problems were sorted with accupuncture.

I have to say that although you are very optimistic and have the best interests in trying to be really positive, it comes across insulting because you seem to have no grasp in what people actually go through or what mental health issues really are.. thats all,

'which are actually those inner sense of vanities of yours'
they were your words and not mine.

'if the particular existing 'set of ways' don't work out well for these people, why not consider and try the other ones'.
I agree there are many therapies out there but you have not mentioned any of these apart from accupuncture in your last post.

why not try to take a more optimistic view about life so as to have lesser worries and sorrows as well as to live the live more happily ?
again people are trying to do this anyway, people with MH do not like feeling negative or unmotivated, this is why I think you are trivilising the essense of MH issues.

'would you say you had a strong determined character?
You say that you decided from quite a young age that you will need to do well to get out of that 'family' situation, so you had a strong motivation there eh. ' Please try to understand that I'm not trying to show myself off to anyone.


Thats not what I asked, I never said anything about showing off I wanted to know more about your character because this has a bearing on the efficacy on all treatments and therapies.

so, may I have the concern to ask what is really missing in your life ? Care to share with us ?

Ive no idea that is the point. My issues are brought about y a combination of paranoia, avoidance and having a deep fear of intimacy. So I have no idea what is missing, I have filled in most of the holes i belived needed filling, for example, bettering myself academically has given me a sense of great achievement, but has not filled the gap I thought it would,.

I am also a holistic massage therapist so have full understanding in alternative therapies available.

I admire your positive attitude and flare.

best regards
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ms_P

ms_P

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BeNeLux
What a shame it is if the people who we look to for guidance are the most blind of them all.
I am also invisible.
 
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saffron

Guest
SOrry to hear that Ms P. we are listenening if you want to talk about it.
:hug::hug::hug::hug:

S
 
ms_P

ms_P

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
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Messages
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Location
BeNeLux
I couldn't care less, ntuc. I was responding to jdoe123, who started this thread.
 
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