I am in love with my psychiatric nurse & he also had feelings... HELP?!

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emilyann16

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This is breaking codes of practice and crossing major boundaries. Mental health professionals should only see their patients at appointment, no where else.


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He should be investigated if he said and did these things though because he has been working with you from a young age and has contaminated the patient-nurse relationship by saying things like "you rock my world."
That's not just being kind, that's REALLY inappropriate because he is leading you on by clearly and openly expressing romantic feelings for you.I hope he didn't abuse you in any other way.

Also you may have been legal at 16, but he is a LOT older than you at 54. He is old enough to be your grandfather, which makes it even more wrong.
He is a mature adult and should be using his judgement, not behaving in this way.

I want you to be clear on something.
There's no reason to fear him committing suicide. This is unlikely to happen and in the unlikely event where it did, you don't need to take responsibility for what he did, HE needs to take responsibility.
These are HIS inappropriate actions, not yours, when he was at the age of ADULT responsibility. You "don't want to find he committed suicide over you" ?! You are starting to feel guilty and make it seem your fault, your responsibility, when you already had mental illness from a young age and don't need extra mental burdens. So you develop a guilt complex over something that has absolutely nothing to do with you and is actually his fault: the result of his actions.

Also in another sense, you shouldn't be worrying about how HE is feeling because he is not the patient. You are the patient. So when you start to worry about him you are in the wrong role as you should be the one that is being cared for. This is unprofessional. Least of all you should not be worrying about him hating you. You should be worrying about getting better.



This isn't right somehow. It's nice to have a mental health worker who is there for you and makes you happy, but at the same time, something else is mixed in and it isn't right.


From what you have said, and from having been your age, I honestly view it as an intense infatuation that won't last and you will see it as wrong when you recognise that he is in a position of power and is much, much, much older than you. I think you are right to be creeped out. I don't think you should view this as you being 'in love' with him. He has just mixed up the role of nurse and confused things for you.
You made many good points there. Only time will tell whether or not it’s “love”, I guess. All I know is that I really liked the man, I never viewed him as having power however, I just perceived him as an average, simple minded guy. Thank you that, it put my mind at ease. I know I shouldn’t worry about him, I know I shouldn’t take responsibility for his actions but my worker at the mental health centre along with nicks colleagues have CONSTANTLY said “you can’t blame anyone else, you caused this”. I hope you realise why my mind is messed up, I’m being told different things and I don’t know what the truth is anymore. All the “professionals” are against me, it really hurts and it’s frustrating. I’m glad I have had some amazing answers - one of them being yours. Thanks again x
 
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Zoe1

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I think it goes like this
if you sleep with the man in question
then he will leave you
you will try to protest about being left
he will then threaten to have you sectioned

if you do sleep with him
try to see a doctor immediately
so they can prove its him

x x x
 
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Zoe1

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other members of the team
should not be blaming you for this
or blaming you for your sexuality ...

I would recommend you get legal advice
I have a very good advocate
who would kick up a stink about stuff like this ...

x x x
 
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dewey

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You made many good points there. Only time will tell whether or not it’s “love”, I guess. All I know is that I really liked the man, I never viewed him as having power however, I just perceived him as an average, simple minded guy. Thank you that, it put my mind at ease. I know I shouldn’t worry about him, I know I shouldn’t take responsibility for his actions but my worker at the mental health centre along with nicks colleagues have CONSTANTLY said “you can’t blame anyone else, you caused this”. I hope you realise why my mind is messed up, I’m being told different things and I don’t know what the truth is anymore. All the “professionals” are against me, it really hurts and it’s frustrating. I’m glad I have had some amazing answers - one of them being yours. Thanks again x
I get what you mean, you're probably right - he probably is an average, simple minded guy, maybe 'power' was the wrong word to use. Maybe I meant he is in a position of responsibility, responsibility, which should not be taken lightly.

I am also so sorry to hear about you losing your mum btw :hug::hug:.

I am genuinely in shock horror the colleagues would say this is your fault. That is quite wrong. It isn't your fault. None of this is your fault.

How are you feeling about things now? I hope your psychiatrist, at least is supporting you.
 
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emilyann16

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I get what you mean, you're probably right - he probably is an average, simple minded guy, maybe 'power' was the wrong word to use. Maybe I meant he is in a position of responsibility, responsibility, which should not be taken lightly.

I am also so sorry to hear about you losing your mum btw :hug::hug:.

I am genuinely in shock horror the colleagues would say this is your fault. That is quite wrong. It isn't your fault. None of this is your fault.

How are you feeling about things now? I hope your psychiatrist, at least is supporting you.
I understand what you mean, he was there ceaseless throughout the hard times and when things hit the fan, he bailed out of fear of repercussions. It is wrong and hopefully it’ll get sorted out one day, that’s all I ask for. And thank you, I appreciate that, it means so much to me to have supportive comments. And thank you for addressing the part when I mentioned my mum,:hug: it is hard but it’s bearable... the aspect what makes it unbearable is when the mental health “professionals” invalidate my concerns and needs. My psychiatrist isn’t supportive at all, I will be discharged soon and it’s hell attending the appointments. I can’t thank you enough for the nice words x
 
fazza

fazza

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I ended up in a short relationship with my named nurse whilst I was in hospital. She knew I was married and that it was in trouble and also that I was ill.

It turned out she was married. It was horrible and ended up discharging myself from hospital.

So un proffesional and potentially unhealthy for my mental health.

Safe guarding is important to protect us and mental health staff. If you are made to feel uncomfortable with the staff that are there to help you then you should speak up.

I wish I did
 
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dewey

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I understand what you mean, he was there ceaseless throughout the hard times and when things hit the fan, he bailed out of fear of repercussions. It is wrong and hopefully it’ll get sorted out one day, that’s all I ask for. And thank you, I appreciate that, it means so much to me to have supportive comments. And thank you for addressing the part when I mentioned my mum,:hug: it is hard but it’s bearable... the aspect what makes it unbearable is when the mental health “professionals” invalidate my concerns and needs. My psychiatrist isn’t supportive at all, I will be discharged soon and it’s hell attending the appointments. I can’t thank you enough for the nice words x
I'm really sorry to hear your psychiatrist isn't supportive.
Feel free to post on here whenever you want as this is a safe space - we all know how bad it is to have mental health problems and often not get the help you need. It can be a place of despair but we try to support each other through it :). You are not alone.
To be let down by mental health workers is terrible, I'm sorry you've been through this.
I hope that you will be able to see another psychiatrist or maybe a therapist when you are discharged? X
 
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emilyann16

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I'm really sorry to hear your psychiatrist isn't supportive.
Feel free to post on here whenever you want as this is a safe space - we all know how bad it is to have mental health problems and often not get the help you need. It can be a place of despair but we try to support each other through it :). You are not alone.
To be let down by mental health workers is terrible, I'm sorry you've been through this.
I hope that you will be able to see another psychiatrist or maybe a therapist when you are discharged? X
Thank you, I feel supported and safe on here... that’s a rare thing for me, I haven’t felt understood for ages! It is one vicious cycle and it’s so difficult to get out of. I will be going onto another mental health service after this so hopefully they will be a lot more caring. They have kept me at the youth one and it is unfair for me because I was meant to be discharged as soon as I turned 18 but I ended up going overtime. Just a few more months and then I’ll never have to endure it again - instead, more problems may arise but I’ll try my hardest to just take things as they come. I’m so scared of moving on just in case similar things happen again. X
 
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dewey

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Thank you, I feel supported and safe on here... that’s a rare thing for me, I haven’t felt understood for ages! It is one vicious cycle and it’s so difficult to get out of. I will be going onto another mental health service after this so hopefully they will be a lot more caring. They have kept me at the youth one and it is unfair for me because I was meant to be discharged as soon as I turned 18 but I ended up going overtime. Just a few more months and then I’ll never have to endure it again - instead, more problems may arise but I’ll try my hardest to just take things as they come. I’m so scared of moving on just in case similar things happen again. X
Yes hopefully they will take their responsibility seriously. I don't know. It's bad enough having mental health problems but when stuff like this happens, honestly I just despair of the system.

I totally get why you're fearful now. I am similar in that if something bad happens to me, then I always fear it will happen again. It is a big source of anxiety when something like this happens. Well done for reporting the inappropriate behaviour by the way, that takes so much courage and you dealt with the situation the right way. I truly hope this doesn't happen again and seriously feel free to speak up or even voice your concerns on the forum if ever you feel uncomfortable again.

If you do feel concerned, just a suggestion that you could possibility ask for female mental health professionals in future if that makes you feel more comfortable. Because that is a right you have, just so you know, you can ask for a specific gender of doctor or whatever.

I am so sorry you have been through so much and you sound quite aware right now, so you can hopefully put all this behind you. :)

x
 

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