I am heartbroken

L

ladypiñata

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I am heartbroken. My partner just ridiculed me for being upset. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse. He broke my trust. Again. (He hung up on me in a crisis the other night when I was crying down the phone to him). The results were the worsening of my depression.

I was hurt and jealous that he is all the way in Manchester with my puppy. I haven't seen them in weeks and I miss them so much. The puppy also usually gets A LOT of his attention and I'm meant to be his princess. I generally feel neglected in the relationship. (He also won't have sex with me due to feeling differently about me for being ill, even when things got better).

So I was upset and jealous and felt left out. I just miss them so much. But when I told him (in a lightly sulky way at this point) he said this:

'Are you seriously going to be upset about something like this? Because I have had to look after your dog for you? Seriously?'

And he proceeded to call me silly and that what I was feeling was a trifle.

Why is this happening. I want to die
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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Hi
Your partner really doesnt understand how you feel, if he did he wouldnt treat you like this. Its really hard if you havent suffered from a mental illness to understand and be patient and caring.

What you are feeling isnt silly or trivial, its important to you and i wish he could understand that!!
Missing your puppy is a big deal, i hate being away from my animals when im on holiday let alone for weeks at a time!
Sorry i cant be much help,
Hugs
Fox
x
 
L

ladypiñata

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Thank you foxjo you made me feel better
 
Boris

Boris

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I was hurt and jealous that he is all the way in Manchester with my puppy. I haven't seen them in weeks and I miss them so much. I generally feel neglected in the relationship. (He also won't have sex with me due to feeling differently about me for being ill, even when things got better).
Because I have had to look after your dog for you? I want to die
Hi there, it saddens me that this guy has let you down... forgive my ignorance, but why is he all the way up in Manchester, and why haven't you seen him and your puppy in weeks? Could you also please tell me what is his issue with looking after your puppy, why is it such a big deal for him?
You are being neglected, and love sick, it is no wonder you are feeling the way you are feeling... is there anyone close you can contact, for a little love and support? xx
 
L

ladypiñata

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Hello

Thank u for your message. He is there for work, I'm too unwell to have the pup so he took him. He is too busy generally to come down, he's working on a play that is soon being showed. He has long hours & not allowed his phone in rehearsals.

He loves the dog but is tired of looking after him. That sausage dog is hard work and he is so busy.

I don't have friends (well the two that I do are ignorant and when I tried to reach out to them before they didn't understand) like most ppl.

I have my mother which is very hard as she abused me emotionally as a child and she is still negative and stressed out all the time cus she has her own issues. Just who she is. But she is trying though it's still hard to be around her. I've tried to forgive her but I need therapy.

Hope all is well with you
 
Boris

Boris

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Hello

Thank u for your message. He is there for work, I'm too unwell to have the pup so he took him. He is too busy generally to come down, he's working on a play that is soon being showed. He has long hours & not allowed his phone in rehearsals. That sausage dog is hard work and he is so busy.

I don't have friends (well the two that I do are ignorant and when I tried to reach out to them before they didn't understand) like most ppl.

I have my mother which is very hard as she abused me emotionally as a child and she is still negative and stressed out all the time cus she has her own issues. But she is trying though it's still hard to be around her. I've tried to forgive her but I need therapy.

Hope all is well with you
I can understand his need to be away for work. Are his hours really that long though? You did mention him being off sex, that could be due to the stresses of work... When is he likely to be home, is there a plan? Has he ever been away for so long before, and is he acting any differently this time? You mentioned your puppy being hard work, most puppies are :) Does he take the puppy to rehearsals, and if he doesn't who is looking after it? Most puppies become destructive if left alone for any length of time...
You sound very isolated where you are, is there any possibility of stopping with your other half in Manchester? Maybe you could help him with his burden of looking after the puppy, and support him after a long day of rehearsals ;) You mentioned needing therapy regarding your mother, maybe it is something the pair of you could do together, some point in the future... just a thought :)
 
L

ladypiñata

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Thank u for your message. Yes he has been away this long before and no not acting differently. I would love to help him but I can barely look after myself right now. I am pretty malnourished and even suicidal. Meant to be having support but they haven't treated me very well inc hanging up on me because I was crying & they couldn't understand me, treating me with hostility when I've been nothing near hostile and generally not giving me support. They pretty much hate me because I have BPD. I don't know where else to get help. Charities are a different person every time & there's no stability. It doesn't make me feel good speaking to them. My only option of support is an angel dropping millions of pounds into my life so I can pay privately.
 
Boris

Boris

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The one person who could really help you right now is in Manchester... are you sure you can't persuade him to allow you to come to Manchester and spare time together, as you so rightly should? Maybe you could chat with him via web cam etc. Have you told him you are missing him, and you need him?
Failing that maybe we can offer you some support? Share with us your needs right now, and we shall see what we can do :)
 
L

ladypiñata

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Yes he knows he's all I have and I keep telling him I need him but he still is preoccupied. He worked from 8-9 today, sent a few texts in the day, got home and just ignored me and went to bed. I tried to text him but he continued to ignore me, even though I told him I planned to take my life soon (which is true).

He says he never mixes work with personal life, and doesn't want me in Manchester as it will distract him from his work.

The way he sees it, he has to get on with his own life, and it's not his problem there is no support for me.

He is too busy for webcam. I told him I wanted him to call me and make more effort but he doesn't.

I just feel deep down he's giving up on me. I've tried to tell him all this, but it makes no difference. He is also quite hard to talk to as he gets defensive and keeps making excuses. And even denies doing that.

I don't know what my needs are =/ Just for all the people currently in my life to show me they actually care, but none of them do.

The ending result is that I feel like I'm not worth caring for.
 
Boris

Boris

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You are being let down by your nearest and dearest. It is not your fault... What is life like when your other half is home? How dependent on him are you financially? Would it have been more of a help to you if your puppy had stayed with you?
 
L

ladypiñata

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Thank you, when he is home it's usually good apart from horrendous fights. We used to live together but I moved out because of it. I would depend on him financially for bills and food but not now that I moved out.

I'm not able to look after the puppy. I tried but it causes me great stress. I barely have the energy to get out of bed let alone walk a dog. Plus I've been getting suspected heart related issues so exercise, even walking makes me very out of breath, dizzy & faint. Even sometimes when I eat this happens.

Things are so bad right now that it's just insane
 
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Boris

Boris

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When he is home, do you see much of him? For example does he stay the night, and if so how many times a week does he stop over? You mentioned horrendous fights... does that happen often, and do you know what brings them on, and what happens afterwards (e.g. does he walk out on you etc.). Have you been apart for long, and has your relationship changed in any way since? Sorry for all the questions, I am just trying to build up a picture of your relationship together...
 
L

ladypiñata

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When we lived together & he was at home he'd be there all the time and was supportive. But the fights came through his fear of confrontation, and so when I tried to bring something up with him (calmly) he would react badly due to his own trauma & then I would get triggered due to his defensive / aggressive response. I often harmed myself from this.

But then I moved out at the same time he went to Manchester. And we've not seen each other since.

I've not seen him in 3 weeks and he has been especially preoccupied. I cannot take it anymore so I have blocked him. Because every time we do speak he just upsets me.

Because he is hard to talk to, gets defensive and never takes responsibility, so I end up feeling like everything is on me. I'm sick of feeling ignored.

I don't really know where to go from here
 
Boris

Boris

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If you still want him, the pair of you need to re-evaluate your relationship, to see if there is still a foundation there to continue, and if the pair of you are committed to trying. If you do both decide on the latter you will need to talk, and get an understanding of each others issues, and how they affect the two of you. You will also have to come to a compromise for when you can't just talk things through, e.g. give each other some space. If you aren't sure if you still want this guy in your life, use this separation period to come to a decision :)
 
L

ladypiñata

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Hi,

Yes you are right, we do need to talk about all this & see if there's a base to work from, but it's complicated for me to explain any further.

It does look like I'm going to have to be alone for a while though which is not good for the depression. He is the only person I trust. I don't think I'm ready for another heartbreak.

Thank you so much for your support & advice
 
Boris

Boris

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You are never alone all the time you are on this forum, we are here for you :) Please try to explain further, it will probably be of benefit to you :) No one knows you on this forum, so just give us the facts, leave out names, places etc. and take comfort in the fact you can talk openly in a non-judgemental environment :) I will always give you my honest opinion, the same as everyone else does on here. It is still your life, and your judgements :) xx
 
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