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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

I am going to give myself just a little longer

H

Happehanna

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
16
You’re 100% right sound sleep so important helps in every aspect for me

no I live alone which is normally fine. I look out for an elderly neighbour and he is often poorly I decided today I can’t help him anymore, it’s too stressful , what you know?

he suddenly can manage to do all the things for himself Today. He was taking the piss for years!!
he's been shopping , done his washing up and seems to be fairing much better without me.
what a fool I was.

at least I am laughing I wasn’t yesterday .

have also decided that I shall take care of myself first and foremost

thank you for your advice and care

ps crisis team were lovely which made a refreshing change
 
Tawny

Tawny

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That's good. You needed them to be today.

It is difficult when people take advantage, but even worse when we realise we have been manipulated. It happens to the best of us.
 
H

Happehanna

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Oct 19, 2016
Messages
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Today was a better day thanks
wrote my will just got to get it witnessed tomorrow
then I did a new painting, purple summer , it’s ok I enjoyed doing it
not eaten much the last few days but shall do some pasta

how are you ?
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
Glad today was a better day for you, I hope you find painting therapeutic.
Remember please use us for support, we care.
Hugs
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Today was a better day thanks
wrote my will just got to get it witnessed tomorrow
then I did a new painting, purple summer , it’s ok I enjoyed doing it
not eaten much the last few days but shall do some pasta

how are you ?
I am trying to do my will too, but i don't plan on going anywhere until my cat is a very old lady.

I have been cleaning and throwing out as my bin was emptied yesterday. I am managing but it isn't easy, hasn't been easy for a long time but somehow i keep going.

Purple summer, sounds sombre.

Are you still wanting to die? I'd like relief from the daily fight but i don't have that desperate feeling lately. I'm worried you will have another bad night and take an overdose again. They are so dangerous, i know two people who have died now.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Prince - Purple Rain

I just listened to it. Music gets me through but it has to be the right music. That is such a powerful and uplifting track.
 
H

Happehanna

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Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
16
well it took 15 minutes this morning to sort out my funeral ☔all sorted and paid for
easier than buying a kettle !

odd thing is a I feel happier now that those two major things sorted , spent more time worrying about them over the years and took no time to do

decided now to give myself a break from all my worries , put them in a box and on a shelf

I am going to make a list of all the nice things I could do :

🏖I have already planned an early morning low tide walk, where the ashes of my husband are

🌺i am planning to redo the flowers by my front door. Two large tubs Shall see whats available at the garden centre

💇🏼‍♀️have booked to get my hair cut and blow dried

🪑I bought myself a new computer chair. (Might send it back)

📺have got a few box sets I might finish and a new book 📖

First time in my life I can’t seem to see the funny side of things

I actually feel lonely too which has slowly crept up on me

the 42 days of bible study I did over lockdown seemed to make me more depressed
it was the cup of life Joyce Rupp. Maybe I need to do it again Christianity ✝ is just so hard isn’t it. Maybe my heart isn’t right?

if anyone has suggestions as to how I can distract myself from these negative thoughts or point me in the direction maybe of a previous thread

I would be graetful 👩🏼‍🦳
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Apr 15, 2020
Messages
95
Location
London, UK
well it took 15 minutes this morning to sort out my funeral ☔all sorted and paid for
easier than buying a kettle !

odd thing is a I feel happier now that those two major things sorted , spent more time worrying about them over the years and took no time to do

decided now to give myself a break from all my worries , put them in a box and on a shelf

I am going to make a list of all the nice things I could do :

🏖I have already planned an early morning low tide walk, where the ashes of my husband are

🌺i am planning to redo the flowers by my front door. Two large tubs Shall see whats available at the garden centre

💇🏼‍♀️have booked to get my hair cut and blow dried

🪑I bought myself a new computer chair. (Might send it back)

📺have got a few box sets I might finish and a new book 📖

First time in my life I can’t seem to see the funny side of things

I actually feel lonely too which has slowly crept up on me

the 42 days of bible study I did over lockdown seemed to make me more depressed
it was the cup of life Joyce Rupp. Maybe I need to do it again Christianity ✝ is just so hard isn’t it. Maybe my heart isn’t right?

if anyone has suggestions as to how I can distract myself from these negative thoughts or point me in the direction maybe of a previous thread

I would be graetful 👩🏼‍🦳
Dear Happehanna,

I'm glad to hear that you are doing better. Its good that your keeping yourself busy and finding activities to do during the day this in itself is a powerful tool against depression. Since you've been at this for a long time, I doubt that there is much I can say that you don't already know about coping with the depression. But as someone who has dealt with loneliness, I recommend you route that out from your life as quickly as you can. We all need a support network.

You mentioned that you have family members and friends that you're close to but have a bit of a strained relationship with. Maybe its time to reconnect. Take them out to dinner, or do something nice for them. Show them that you appreciate all the support they have given you, and this will also make you feel better in turn. Aside from that, set some goals for yourself, everyone needs a purpose in life no matter if we are old or young, healthy or sick. This could be anything, from work, social, hobbies, community. Some people find charity work very rewarding and cathartic.

Other than that stick to the classic coping strategies: exercise, yoga, meditation and healthy eating and sleeping, talking through your problems with a therapist/other people. And I know, it tough to see the funny side to anything when you are depressed, but believe me that you stick to your guns and your sense of humour, along with everything else will return in due course. :)

Hope this helps and wishing you all the very best.

-H
 
Tawny

Tawny

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I can imagine you doing your gardening 🌺🌸🌼🌻🌷🌹🥀 :)

I have no words of advice but i am happy that you are feeling better today.

Do you have any pets?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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You could write a positive list and a coping strategies list, or put post-its on the kitchen cupboards, reminders of good things when you are in a bad place.
 
H

Happehanna

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
16
Thank you
I do charity work but it can only be on an ad hoc basis, I swear quite a lot etc irrational behaviours

i have taken my friends many many times over the years to meals out and I always pay organise etc , sometimes I feel that any friend I have had is because I bought them. Taken many friends on all paid for holidays, My family love when I am high because they get so much stuff off me

I will sort this out , I will reconnect with people who understand mental health issues

sorry for rambling

Shall plan a walking holiday , stay at hostels ? Maybe
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
95
Location
London, UK
Thank you
I do charity work but it can only be on an ad hoc basis, I swear quite a lot etc irrational behaviours

i have taken my friends many many times over the years to meals out and I always pay organise etc , sometimes I feel that any friend I have had is because I bought them. Taken many friends on all paid for holidays, My family love when I am high because they get so much stuff off me

I will sort this out , I will reconnect with people who understand mental health issues

sorry for rambling

Shall plan a walking holiday , stay at hostels ? Maybe
Dear happehanna,

Sorry to hear that people have taken advantage of your generosity in a fragile state. That is truly horrible. If this is the case, I think its best if you set boundaries with these kinds of people and let them know that just because they are your friends, it doesn't mean you owe them. Maybe it would be best if you were to make friends with like minded people. Theres an organisation known as Bipolar UK that run support groups for people with Bipolar disorder, maybe thats something that you could look into.

While I still believe that having a support network is the most essential thing, but maybe you could benefit from trying a bit of self-care in the meantime. Book yourself a weekend stay somewhere and just focus on having yourself a good time. Clear your head, and then, whenever your ready get back to everything. Also please feel free to talk to me or anyone else on this forum. It really is a great place to vent and talk through problems.

Best wishes,
-H
 
H

Happehanna

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
16
Thank you 🙏 it means a lot, to feel heard
 
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