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I am going to give myself just a little longer

H

Happehanna

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
16
Have decided going to put my house in order
sort out my paperwork and try tidy house up
update my will
pay for my cremation

nothing is too awful I just do want to carry on anymore
I have lived with bipolar for 40 years and I don’t want to anymore
what could I do in the time ahead to make me feel differently

I have had tough episodes before but now I just think my family and one friend just want me gone
 
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Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
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Nov 10, 2019
Messages
3,482
Location
England
It is sensible to do those things anyway, to tidy up your life and mind and then focus on yourself.

The second paragraph there is very sad to read because if you give up, does that mean the rest of us can too?
 
S

snooker 4

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
92
Location
Newark
Have decided going to put my house in order
sort out my paperwork and try tidy house up
update my will
pay for my cremation

nothing is too awful I just do want to carry on anymore
I have lived with bipolar for 40 years and I don’t want to anymore
what could I do in the next two weeks to make me feel differently

I have had tough episodes before but now I just think my family and one friend just want me gone
ill be your mate
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Forum Safety Team
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May 6, 2017
Messages
4,328
Location
Sheffiield
I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I hope things improve for you soon. It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you're in the UK the Samaritans can be called free on 116 123 or if you're in another country similar services can be found at Befrienders Worldwide | Emotional support to prevent suicide worldwide

Please take care.
 
HLon99

HLon99

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
152
Location
London, UK
Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear your feeling this way. First let me say that if your feeling this way, I strongly recommend that you get into touch with your therapist/psychiatrist as well as your friends and family and let them know or seek help from your nearest crisis service/ER. You may not believe it, but they care for you a lot more that you think. And although you may think that they get sick of your behaviour, I'm sure that their feelings for you overcome any possible challenges. When your depressed its easy to think of yourself as a burden to others, but that is simply not true. YOUR LIFE MATTERS!

You've survived 40 years of one of the most difficult and debilitating conditions know to man, I'm sure that your not ready to check out now, certainly not by your own hand. You ought to be proud of yourself that you made it this far. I'm pretty young, and I've only had to deal with this disorder for a year so I may not know much. But I'll tell you my story. When I was depressed, I was so sure I wanted to die. Everyday, I would think about suicide, I would feel that it would be better to check out on my own terms, its a feeling that would override every survival instinct I had. My disorder had ruined my life at this stage, when I was manic I put myself into debt, I crashed my parents car, I shouted and pushed away every friends that I had and because of all this I went from a straight A student to an unemployed college dropout. But the only that kept me going through those dark days is the knowledge that my life is not my own to take. As individuals we are all part of one body, a system, we all have to look out for each other and have a responsibility to do right by one another. By our families, by our friends, our neighbours and our acquaintances. And even if we don' have anything, we have a duty unto ourselves to make do whats best of the hand were dealt with. Upon realising this, deep down I do and always have and always will want to live and to never give up, no matter how steep a mountain I have to climb, it better to try, stumble and fall than lay down and resign to my fate.

To summarise, a quote from one of my favourite movies:
"The dead know only one thing. Its is better to be alive'
-Private Joker, Full Metal Jacket

I sincerely hope you feel better and not go through with this

-H
 
I

Italia2020

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 19, 2020
Messages
550
Location
Usa
Have decided going to put my house in order
sort out my paperwork and try tidy house up
update my will
pay for my cremation

nothing is too awful I just do want to carry on anymore
I have lived with bipolar for 40 years and I don’t want to anymore
what could I do in the next two weeks to make me feel differently

I have had tough episodes before but now I just think my family and one friend just want me gone
I’ve been very ill for 20 years and I’m going through my worst now this past year has been hell on Earth but you need to try to keep fighting. I understand the way you feel. Please don’t do anything to yourself I will be your friend. You can talk to me anytime. I know this is hard but even though we don’t feel it sometimes we are the strongest people on Earth to have to go through this everyday and keep going.
 
H

Happehanna

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
16
Thank you for your replies. It’s now seven hours later Slept in the chair
i tried ringing samaritans it rang out.

i feel extra sad I think because i have tried so hard to be generous and kind to my family and friends. I always pay for everything and give generously to those asking for funds etc

everthing seems like a one way street , I realised that no one actually cares a shit about me

maybe it’s just my time to go If there was a button on my body I could press and just take me away with no trace of me every being here I would press it

i Tried over the last ten weeks to read the bible and connect to god, exercise , etc it’s jut not working

God even he doesnt want me, It’s like I must of done something really terrible and everyone else knows what it is but I don’t ..
 
H

Happehanna

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
16
Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear your feeling this way. First let me say that if your feeling this way, I strongly recommend that you get into touch with your therapist/psychiatrist as well as your friends and family and let them know or seek help from your nearest crisis service/ER. You may not believe it, but they care for you a lot more that you think. And although you may think that they get sick of your behaviour, I'm sure that their feelings for you overcome any possible challenges. When your depressed its easy to think of yourself as a burden to others, but that is simply not true. YOUR LIFE MATTERS!

You've survived 40 years of one of the most difficult and debilitating conditions know to man, I'm sure that your not ready to check out now, certainly not by your own hand. You ought to be proud of yourself that you made it this far. I'm pretty young, and I've only had to deal with this disorder for a year so I may not know much. But I'll tell you my story. When I was depressed, I was so sure I wanted to die. Everyday, I would think about suicide, I would feel that it would be better to check out on my own terms, its a feeling that would override every survival instinct I had. My disorder had ruined my life at this stage, when I was manic I put myself into debt, I crashed my parents car, I shouted and pushed away every friends that I had and because of all this I went from a straight A student to an unemployed college dropout. But the only that kept me going through those dark days is the knowledge that my life is not my own to take. As individuals we are all part of one body, a system, we all have to look out for each other and have a responsibility to do right by one another. By our families, by our friends, our neighbours and our acquaintances. And even if we don' have anything, we have a duty unto ourselves to make do whats best of the hand were dealt with. Upon realising this, deep down I do and always have and always will want to live and to never give up, no matter how steep a mountain I have to climb, it better to try, stumble and fall than lay down and resign to my fate.

To summarise, a quote from one of my favourite movies:
"The dead know only one thing. Its is better to be alive'
-Private Joker, Full Metal Jacket

I sincerely hope you feel better and not go through with this

-H
Just wanted to say I re read your post and it has helped me a lot thank you. You’re right
 
H

Happehanna

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
16
It is sensible to do those things anyway, to tidy up your life and mind and then focus on yourself.

The second paragraph there is very sad to read because if you give up, does that mean the rest of us can too?
No of course not. You’re right x
 
H

Happehanna

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
16
I’ve been very ill for 20 years and I’m going through my worst now this past year has been hell on Earth but you need to try to keep fighting. I understand the way you feel. Please don’t do anything to yourself I will be your friend. You can talk to me anytime. I know this is hard but even though we don’t feel it sometimes we are the strongest people on Earth to have to go through this everyday and keep going.
Keep going. That’s the key. Thanks
 
H

Happehanna

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
16
I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I hope things improve for you soon. It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you're in the UK the Samaritans can be called free on 116 123 or if you're in another country similar services can be found at Befrienders Worldwide | Emotional support to prevent suicide worldwide

Please take care.
thank you. I shall look at those suggestions.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
3,482
Location
England
I'm sorry, i didn't realise you had taken an overdose, i thought you said you were going to put your affairs in order first. I'm glad that you are ok and hope there is no long term damage to your body from the poisoning.

What are you going to do next time you feel this bad?

I have been watching Vic Derbbyshire this morning, showing people who have killed themselves during lockdown. A man killed himself, his dad distraught and empty, this young, smiling, beautiful man, who helped so many, gone. Mental illness is a confusing thing. There is always someone who will be lost without you, even if you don't know who they are, even just someone who you say good morning to when you put your bin out.
 
H

Happehanna

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2016
Messages
16
thank you for your kind words.
the police were called and they were really kind
crisis team might ring today

its so incredibly sad what is happening right now, mental health must be at an all time low I guess.
this forum does a good job helping those who do reach out. Thank you 🙏
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
3,482
Location
England
There is help, online and from services, but we have to rely so much on our personal strength too which is a huge worry. It shouldn't be this way. I hope the crisis team are helpful. Sometimes i think it is important to have a few sleeping tablets in the bathroom cabinet for times when the coping strategies are not helping. I take one and soon i am asleep.

It is important to catch yourself early and notice those early warning signs. Then you can see your psychiatrist for medication adjustments or additions. Is there anyone in your life who can help you spot these early warning signs?
 
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