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I am going to break free from my relationship!

R

Respecting myself

Guest
It is really hard for me ending this relationship, but I know it is the healthiest thing for me to do. Imagine giving up a vice – be it smoking, drinking or fattening foods – you know they are bad for you but you can’t give them up because of the momentary pleasure they give you.

Where I have been failing until now is not getting my support network in place – after all a rope is only strong because of it’s individual strands. So please be one of my strands and be strong for me when I am weak.

The loneliness and isolation is the worst for me and makes me want to go back, I have texted all my friends to ask for their support. I’ve figured the more support I get the more likely I am to leave and move forward, which is what I need to do.

I’ve set up an e-mail account where you can offer me support if you like (see below). You can add to this thread, PM me or you can visit my blog which I am just starting (see below).

Please offer any support you can to me so I know I’m not alone, that I can do this, hints and tips gratefully received – thanks!!!!

http://www.soulcast.com/breakingfree/
[email protected]
 
Neferakhet

Neferakhet

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2009
Messages
86
Location
Beyond the Styx
It is really hard for me ending this relationship, but I know it is the healthiest thing for me to do. Imagine giving up a vice – be it smoking, drinking or fattening foods – you know they are bad for you but you can’t give them up because of the momentary pleasure they give you.

Where I have been failing until now is not getting my support network in place – after all a rope is only strong because of it’s individual strands. So please be one of my strands and be strong for me when I am weak.

The loneliness and isolation is the worst for me and makes me want to go back, I have texted all my friends to ask for their support. I’ve figured the more support I get the more likely I am to leave and move forward, which is what I need to do.

I’ve set up an e-mail account where you can offer me support if you like (see below). You can add to this thread, PM me or you can visit my blog which I am just starting (see below).

Please offer any support you can to me so I know I’m not alone, that I can do this, hints and tips gratefully received – thanks!!!!

http://www.soulcast.com/breakingfree/
[email protected]

Very well.But have you thought about this throughly?And are you certain? If you are sure of it,I say go for it but if you aren't 100 percent sure don't take this step lest you regret it.

Judging from the other thread you seem attached to him a lot,and chances are that if you do tell him that you are breaking up you won't feel good for a long time due to the level of that attachment.And also imagine you want to be with him again,probably he won't accept such a thing and he'll refuse to make up so at that time you can even feel much more hurt,might be too much for you to handle.

I know that you are sort of excited in a positive way about attempting to dump him but things may not work out well if you do.I think the safest thing to do is just don't tell him anything,don't talk to him,don't call him but.. don't tell him that you want to end this relationship.At the meantime be open for an another relationship.Be on the lookout for an another person whom you can start a relationship..I know this isn't very moral but he sounds so pompuous and full of himself he needs a lesson,he deserved it through and through by having so little regard for you.See how things go for a while,measure his reaction.

My advice is for your own well being.And my wish is that you first find a better much better replacement for him...
 
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R

Respecting myself

Guest
Hi Neferakhet - he's made it easy for me to do that, he's no longer e-mailing, texting or communicating with me. He can barely leave the house so I'd have to go to his if I did want to see him.

Yes I do care about him a lot - but he can be so mean and not show any level of understanding to the fact I have mental health issues, whereas he expects everyone to drop everything for him.

I'm a people pleasing, co-dependent, bi-polar, BPD sufferer with self esteem issues I got out of a 7 year relationship (married for 4 years) last September, the divorce is involving solicitors, work is awful, I am living on my own for the first time ever, I'm an hour away from family and although I have a few friends my circle isn't very robust really - I have a lot going on and to carry someone else with their issues is destroying me. To watch him in the big 4 bedroom detached house he lives in with his mum, his dad living just down the road, the fact he doesn't work, he doesn't want for anything, has a car and a motorbike that he can tinker with and he sees buying milk as a big deal in his local shop makes me feel pretty hurt, but I know he can't support me in my depressive states.

Case in point - about 3 weeks ago after asking him to come to my birthday lunch with my mum and dad in the local pub (I've been with him almost a year and he hasn't met them yet), he said no - point blank and told me that nobody got him to do anything he didn't want to do and he didn't want to meet them. I felt hurt - especially as I'd put myself out by going with him to the hospital to visit his dad (a knee operation) and hospitals terrify me - I did it as it was important to him. The next day I broke down at work and left at lunchtime - he was at uni just down the road from me and I asked him to call in, he said he wouldn't (and yes I did explain how bad I felt), when I texted and e-mailed him to tell him how bad I felt he told me it was self pitying drivel and I aught to grow a backbone, be more mature - it was my fault I felt as I did and I should do something about it.

So no matter what my feelings for him are, he is unable to support me, despite my issues I try and support him - but because of my co-dependence and mental health issues I believe it's not the right sort of help and it is such a high cost to my health.
 
Neferakhet

Neferakhet

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2009
Messages
86
Location
Beyond the Styx
Most of us as being humans have problems in life.According to how you describe things when compared to him you are facing more serious problems.He seems to be well-off which is a great plus in life and nullifies good number of problems.On the otherhand you are trying to resolve real life issues like most people are trying to do.

Again judging by what you say this seems like a very one-sided relationship.You bearing the burden of the relationship,and him seeming just to please himself,perphaps feeding his ego.After a certain age people hardly change.It's a futile attempt and waste of time waiting for him to change,to change the way he treats you.

Also I think what he did on your birthday was very rude and quite unacceptable.Afterall how hard is to meet your gf's parents just for her sake..It's not hard in fact but this is where selfishness comes in.

Relationships are supposed to be mutual,are supposed to be about sharing or there is not much point in them.An another important point is to ask oneself : what can he/she give to me? Apparently you aren't gaining anything from this guy.No respect,no display of any behaviour that you are any worth to him,not much compassion.. can't say much since I don't know the details of your intimacy.

Just my opinion but this person seems quite fail.I fully support your decision about having decided to end the relationship.However like I mentioned before,still the process may be hard since afterall it's a 1 year long relationship..yet still if you find it hard to deal with it offload whenever possible,at least here.Try to be strong and have no regrets...
 
R

Respecting myself

Guest
Most of us as being humans have problems in life.According to how you describe things when compared to him you are facing more serious problems.He seems to be well-off which is a great plus in life and nullifies good number of problems.On the otherhand you are trying to resolve real life issues like most people are trying to do.
Good insight - thanks

Again judging by what you say this seems like a very one-sided relationship.You bearing the burden of the relationship,and him seeming just to please himself,perphaps feeding his ego.After a certain age people hardly change.It's a futile attempt and waste of time waiting for him to change,to change the way he treats you.
It is - I am trying to change this as I am as much to blame on this - I allow him to take and just keep giving.

Also I think what he did on your birthday was very rude and quite unacceptable.Afterall how hard is to meet your gf's parents just for her sake..It's not hard in fact but this is where selfishness comes in.
He has SA - pubs and meeting new people is hard for him, I was asking for both. Something I have no control over really - I need to accept it I guess.

Relationships are supposed to be mutual,are supposed to be about sharing or there is not much point in them.An another important point is to ask oneself : what can he/she give to me? Apparently you aren't gaining anything from this guy.No respect,no display of any behaviour that you are any worth to him,not much compassion.. can't say much since I don't know the details of your intimacy.
They are - quite true. I think - I think too much which is my problem. I do gain things from him but not the traditional things. He does things - my BPD is just so black and white that I either love him or loathe him - no in between.

Just my opinion but this person seems quite fail.I fully support your decision about having decided to end the relationship.However like I mentioned before,still the process may be hard since afterall it's a 1 year long relationship..yet still if you find it hard to deal with it offload whenever possible,at least here.Try to be strong and have no regrets...
I am trying to take away the black and white and get to grey a little more and am starting here.
 
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