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I am going insane because I need to go to the doctor

F

Fighting

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2015
Messages
14
Sorry to bug you with my fears but I just feel I will go crazy. I have health issues need to be solved and I am very scared of operations because i don't know how the narcosis do on my nerve system. I am scared to go to the doctor and I keep waiting and I feel I will go crazy. I know this is childish but I get panic attacks constantly. But my blood analysis shows nothing is wrong with me and I don't know if my fears are real. But still I am scared I will get cancer if I don't go to the doc now but I'm scared to go. And I can't smoke, I cant drink or use any thing might release tension, I just wait. (I need to wait because my doc is ill now). I'm afraid I will loose my mind, can't get my health out of my head. I mean I naturally am going insane, when I am in bed something delirious is in my head and I can't think. I don't know how do people live at all with all those diseases around.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Health anxiety is very hard to deal with, isn't it?
Even if you have tests that say everything is fine, it's not easy getting the fear out of your mind that something serious may have been missed.

Do you think that another doctor's appointment would put your mind at rest, or do you feel like the anxiety itself is getting a bit out of control?
I'm just wondering if you could ask someone close to you to go to the doctors with you, so that you'll have a bit of support there, if you think that would help.
Otherwise, if you feel like this possibly is becoming more of an anxiety or obsession, it may be better for you to talk to a mental health professional.
 
F

Fighting

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2015
Messages
14
Yeah, it is!
Yes, I had a talk to my psychiatrist and he adviced me a good doctor and we talked about it and (it was some reassurement though) and I had huge release about my nose (I smoked too much and something is wrong with my nose now) but now the anxiety is slowly comes back because that doctor is still ill (he broke his leg). There is little opportunity to go to another doctor because that one is good (you see, in my area there are very few good specialists and are hard to find) so I need to wait.
Yes, thank God my husband is very supportive and of course will go with me.
You see, my obsessions are somehow unusual, because I never met anyone with OCD who would have something like I do. I obsess over my own personality. My doc says it's shizophrenia but I suppose there are features of OC Personality disorder. I obsess what people think of me and can't be myself but that is not the worst. The worst is that I have a strong obsession that I need to be very strong othervise I can not respect myself... And with OCD I feel myself weak... I guess, sorry to say that, but it's my mom's fault a bit because she used to blame me for my obsessions and even told me I don't deserve any respect because I fear what does not exist. (She loves me and I feel sorry for her causing me such a harm not wanting to... I guess I need to talk to her) So now I obsess that I need to overcome my fears and go to the surgeon and get treatment for my stomach and do operation on my nose just to "become strong"... Does that sound silly? I just feel if I don't "overcome" my fear of surgeons my personality will dissolve and this is what is really making me anxious, even not the doctors themselves! At some point I sometimes feel I am not scared a bit but I don't know why do I feel so, it feels like some crazyness such a rapid change. I created a barrier in my mind that is difficult to go through. I know it is due to the disease, but it is just hard to think "normally". I understand that this does not make sense but can not stop thinking that way. Why do I have a mind that does not respond to my own will power? I often imagine myself on that chair with surgeon near me with instruments and try to "get used" to pain by imagining that pain and unpleasant feelings during operation so that I am "prepared". I know it does not make sense but can't stop imagining that and hell it drives me crazy! And all that is for "become strong"!
 
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Wiseowl

Wiseowl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2011
Messages
8,419
Hi Fighting

Personally I think no one is crazy because the term is way to ambiguous and has negative/social connotations to it.

How are you feeling? :hug1:
 
F

Fighting

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2015
Messages
14
Pretty scared I am loosing my mind, truly speaking...
 
F

Fighting

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2015
Messages
14
you scare me... people say when you feel you are going crazy you are not. you will when you can't realise you are crazy. Im so scared I can't even listen to the radio. :confused:
 
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