I am feeling out of control

blurrypeach

blurrypeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2017
Messages
599
Location
Europe
#1
I am feeling slightly suicidal, the mood swings have been Horrible. People ignoring me make me feel even worse. Right now I feel like my existence is futile.
I go from feeling nothing to feeling hyper and then depressed or even suicidal the day after. I go from loving myself to hating my very image in the mirror the next hour.
I feel like I am finally allowing a bit of my emotions to come out and that is scary. I am afraid that I might do something reckless, I feel like punching something and screaming. I dont want to hurt myself (or others!) though. I dont think I will hurt others but not sure about hurting myself.

I don't even care if anyone here judges me. I don't even care if I am doing this for attention anymore - I probably am, but I already am feeling like crap so adding more crap to it won't make a difference. I have been dissociating a lot too. My brain is on the verge of imploding.
 
Last edited:
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2017
Messages
599
Location
Europe
#2
Honestly the only reason I don't want to kill myself is my family, they would be heartbroken, I don't care about anyone else. If I was alone then there would be nothing else to stop me.
 
F

fidget

Guest
#4
i am glad you are feeling calmer. Don't beat yourself up worrying if you are looking for attention, you are working through emotional/psychological problems, part of that often involves needing attention and help to get through. All people need other people, it is just shit that we are made to feel ashamed of that.

Mood swings and suicidal thoughts are horrible, I hope you continue feeling calmer and things will quieten down for you soon. It is not easy, hang in there chuck
 
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2017
Messages
599
Location
Europe
#5
i am glad you are feeling calmer. Don't beat yourself up worrying if you are looking for attention, you are working through emotional/psychological problems, part of that often involves needing attention and help to get through. All people need other people, it is just shit that we are made to feel ashamed of that.

Mood swings and suicidal thoughts are horrible, I hope you continue feeling calmer and things will quieten down for you soon. It is not easy, hang in there chuck
Thank you for your kind words. :hug: at least my voices have been quiet.
 
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2017
Messages
599
Location
Europe
#8
I feel empty and useless, and so many things all at once. So many different, contrasting emotions. I can't wait to see my therapist again, why does it have to be only once a week? :BLAH: Then again, I sound so spoiled and ungrateful. Some people wait years and years to see a therapist once every two weeks, or once a month, or even more rarely. I should shut up.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
30,780
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
#9
you are not useless and shouldn't shut up x
i wish i could see my CPN more ,she is one of the few people that understand me

i am here for you anytime you need to talk
love Lu xx
 
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2017
Messages
599
Location
Europe
#10
Exercising is helping me, I feel like some days I have a lot of energy I need to "release" somehow! So yeah. Btw talk about mood swings... I felt empty just this morning, and inspired & motivated as of now... only after a few hrs :shrug:
 
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2017
Messages
599
Location
Europe
#11
Here it goes again, anytime I let my emotions out I feel like crap, so I have to immediately stuff them back inside!! I am tired of this crap, I want to sleep my life away
 
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2017
Messages
599
Location
Europe
#12
God I want to die and it would be really easy for me to do it too
I cannot handle life
 
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2017
Messages
599
Location
Europe
#13
I am miserable trying not to puke crying in my bed at 2 am on a school day I don't know if I have ever felt this bad
 

Similar threads