I am dreading my other halfs family gathering tomorrow

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Sarahfacinguptothings

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Joined
Jun 24, 2010
Messages
81
#1
He has a big family too, even his aunt is over from canada for this one. Im scared of feeling awkward all day & not knowing what to say to people. Its an all afternoon & evening affair as well. Im thinking of driving separately to I can leave early evening - dont want to seem rude but i find these things so hard.

I also feel very exhausted & dont know why.
 
picture_perfect

picture_perfect

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Jul 11, 2010
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London, UK
#2
Hey Sarah,
I suppose you could drive up in a separate car but you may have to lie as to why you're leaving early, plus if your partner knows the truth he won't be happy. My ex boyfriend did that to me pretty much every time we met our friends. It kind of hurt.

I suppose if it's a big family some of the pressure is off you as people will be too busy talking to each other? Have you met them before?
All you need to have is your shallow opening sentences I guess. Oh and ask people about them and what they've been up to recently if you're stuck.

What is it that's making you uneasy? The sheer amount of people? or that it's his family Xxx
Good luck anyhow Xx
 
BORTU

BORTU

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Jun 4, 2010
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1,458
Location
SW England
#3
Hello Sarah,

I know the problem, I get or rather did get very nervous in a crowd of strangers like that.

As a lady you could fin a seat and let them come to you. I used to grab a drink and just keep moving from group to group. (This was at cocktail parties, but I would end up smashed.)

As pp says, unless you have a valid reason it would look odd to drive yourself but do tell your boyfriend that you are nervous, he might be able to smooth the meeting for you.
 
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Moonlight

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Jun 21, 2010
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#4
Sarah does your partner know that you feel this way and is he sympathetic? I was like this (and still am in gatherings of people who I don't know very well) in the early days with my partner's family & friends..... my partner helped me by reassuring me that she would 'rescue' me if I was feeling too awkward with people (conversation), and in anycase it just helps to know you're not alone with the anxiety.

When very unsure/anxious (but not so much that I avoid it) I tend to get through by fading into the background, listening, laughing where appropriate :) , or asking people about THEIR experiences which I find alot easier to do than talking about myself, as I feel I don't have much interesting to say on that subject.

I think it's like a lot of things... practice and exposure, familiarity, help with anxiety so long as you can see that "hey I CAN do this (or this or that part of it), I can get through this ok (and even enjoy it!)", and you can learn little tricks on how to deal with asepcts of a situation better. I think giving yourself an escape route (driving) is a good idea, and you may find you don't need to use it... but it's there as insurance.

Anyways, just realized that your gathering was today.... how did it go?
 
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Sarahfacinguptothings

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Jun 24, 2010
Messages
81
#5
Hey, it wasnt bad in the end, i drove in a separate car but took my partner & his brother & sister too, then in the end stayed fairly later anyway so leaving before the very end wasnt an issue.

I had some bad news this morning as well as my gran had a perferated ucler in her bowel & had to go to hospital last night for an operation & will be in intensive care for a week or so. She is 92 bless her. So I nearly didnt go today as was feeling very upset, but managed to pull myself together.

I just had to tell myself to relax, i am a very tense person & feel very awkward in social situations as i dont know what to say. I have met all of the family before bar his aunt & partner from canada who flew over for the gathering. There was actually 60 people there as it was partly a celebration of one of his aunts recent weddings. I was quiet most of the time, but people seemed fairly accepting of this (partly made up for by my talkative boyfriend who led the conversation!)

My dad was very upset when he rang this morning to tell me about my gran, & he is never one to show his emotions. It made me kick myself for why i find my own life so hard when other people are going through things like that.