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I am doing something I dont understand.

W

WonkaBar

Guest
I won't go into detail with SH, but over the last week I have been ordering stuff through the post to SH, I know this is abnormal behavour, but I go into myself with my thoughts of SH, I hate myself so much, I hate being trapped in my flat for 6 days week, I am too scared to go out alone.

I am at my mum and dads now and I have put something in my Bag, I feel like a norty kid playing with matches behind my mums back.

I just want to feel pain other than internal pain.

I am scared and upsett, I just want things to change.

I hope I have'nt broke any forum rules, I just needed somewhere to type my thoughts as a destraction.
 
RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 25, 2013
Messages
13,273
awwww hun please dont hurt yourself! i dont want you hurting yourself! im worried about you, please keep safe xx
 
N

nowhereland

Guest
I hope you don't do it. :hug:

Sometimes I've bought 'tools' to SH with just because I like having them around. Then it's an option that's there for me, and I can choose whether or not I use it. I guess it's a bit about feeling in control of things. I don't know if you can relate to any of that, sorry if it was unhelpful.
 
A

archeryaddict

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 1, 2014
Messages
291
nowhereland I agree with you, a lot of the time it helps me to just have them around, I don't have to use them every time.

Sending you hugs WonkaBar

AA xx
 
W

WonkaBar

Guest
Nowhereland thanks, yer I think thats why I do it, although I have been SH recently I am trying to stop.

I recently gave my cpn something so I could not use it, obviously I cant say what it was on here, maybe its part of my ocd as well.

thanks nowhereland and acheryaddict, hugs !

Stay safe!:thx:
 
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