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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I am crackin up, need some support

T

tiredofit

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2009
Messages
2
Hi

I have been in a relationship for over 6 six years with my partner. He suffers from depression, pure obsessions, agrophobia and starts to be monophobe too. On top of it he has lost sight in one eye and is losing sight in the other one. We have a young child together. He refuses to take any medication to help with the depression and OCD and he does not get any help as he does not go out of the house to go to appointments. He is very intelligent but the lack of stimulation makes him very difficult to live with. He demands things, never say please or thank you and on bad days can be verbally abusive. He is often in a bad move and I cannot make any friends as he does not want people coming to the house. We had worse periods than other where he would pull me down every day telling me I am a bad mother and other things. He is very selfish and every savings I have are spent on him and our child. Now he is pulling me down again for hours on end. After years of being treated like this, I know I do not love him anymore and on the physical aspect of the relationship, I can't do it anymore as I have no attraction to him, physically or morally. This is making him even worse as his needs are very frequent. He chats to other women, tell them how bad I am to him and he told me if I carried on he will force me no matter what I want. He is not remotely romantic and his approach to sex are crude, groping me and expecting me to say ok whenever he feels like it, even in the middle of the night. I know he does not love me as he stays because he cannot work. I tried to leave twice but came back in the end. He loves his child and is very good to him and I don't want him to be separated from him as he is the only positive thing he has in his life. But his moods are bad again and verbal abuse is starting slowly again this time with threats towards me. I just can't leave because of our child but I am so tired of this type of life.
I am sure I am not the only person in this situation and a little advice would be great to help me by.

Thanks
 
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Dollit

Guest
I think that, sooner or later, in a relationship between two people who have lack of respect and love for one another the children suffer. They pick up on all sorts of behaviour. You aren't doing your child any favours by living with your partner. If you leave your partner you can make arrangements so that a third person can supervise the visits so you don't have to see him. You can leave him but you have to believe you can.

Try talking to a woman only helpline that specialises in abusive relationships - do this for yourself and for your child.
 
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Emmy

Guest
It doesn't matter how good your partner is to his son, your child will sense that something is wrong between you and his father and will in the end suffer because of this.
Sometimes relationships do end and it may be better to split while you and your partner can still talk to each other. If you keep going on like this you will only hate each other more and more, something your son will be aware of.

How do you think your child feels when he hears the verbal abuse and threats towards you? Don't think he won't because he will.

I hope your partner realises that if he forces you to have sex it is rape and he can find himself in very serious trouble.
You really need to make a happy life for your son and yourself but the longer you stay with this man the harder it will be.

Please keep posting so we know you are ok.
:grouphug:
 
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tiredofit

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2009
Messages
2
Thanks for your reply.

I feel silly when I talk about my situation because if it was happening to a friend of mine I would tell her to do what you are telling me to do. But I just can't do it and I am so cross about it. I think I am scared I would not cope on my own and a child and work. I have no self esteem left and I have had 2 episodes of depression since the birth of my child. I am on the limit of losing my job too due to this.

His moods are the worse in the fact I never know if he is ok or not.

I know he is ill but he is never happy. He argues with all his family and friends, says nasty things to them too. For him I am the cause of his unhappiness but he does not want to leave because he does not want to go back to council housing and rough areas.

I wish we could make it work and that he will go to the doctors and have some treatment. But he thinks he is more clever than them and refuses any medication.

the verbal abuse happen at night when the child is in bed so so far my child is not aware of it but when he starts to realize will have to take action . I should know better, my dad was physically violent to us so I don't understand why I am not stronger. I will never accept physical violence from him though, I will walk away if he ever did.

Thanks anyway for listening. I have nobody to talk to so it is nice to talk on here...
 
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Dawud

Member
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
6
Tiredofit thank you for sharing your experiences with us in the forum. It is very difficult to make a decision to leave but it is a decision you will need to do for your own health and for the health of your son. I made a decision to leave my family, which I know is very different from your situation, but I gave it many years thought and sought advice from a very close friend. I considered what it would be like if I stayed, and my depression was getting worse and affecting my performance at work. I had very little self esteem, felt that the years I was in my marriage had taken its toll on me. A year later and it is still affecting me, I have been in counselling for a month now to help me build up my confidence and to deal with issues relating to my time in the marriage. But, reflecting back I am glad I made the decision I did. The kids see me regularly and I am starting to be confident when making arrangements with them and negotiating with their mother. My point is that over time you will see the benefit of your decision. You can make another life for you and your son and in the long run it may even have a knock on good effect on your partner. By thinking of your own needs here, which you have to do, you will be thinking about your sons needs too!
 
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