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I am afraid I will lose someone due to OCD

A

A012003

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Egypt
Hello.

I am having lots of different thoughts and it is a real mess, it all started 2 days ago. I used to have homosexual OCD some years back but I slowly got over it, and it came to rituals which I could deal with, but recently it has been giving me lots of thoughts related to my relationship. I could feel my rituals stopping, and no longer obsessing over them, just for them to get replaced by this?

2 days ago, I randomly had a sexual thought that made me fantasize about me seeing my loved one being with someone else? I am an excessively jealous person and I can not accept it, and ever since I had that thought, I felt sick and guilty, even when talking to her. I felt angry and disgusted of myself. It's been affecting the way we interact, and the thought that I might lose her over this is mentally really messing me up. She did nothing wrong, but ever since that thought, I feel sick. Even my love for her seems to have turned a bit numb (and lots of other emotions ever since), I really love her however.

I was confused, and I didn't know if I should face these thoughts to try to overcome them, or avoid them so that they don't affect me more. The time they first popped up, I tried facing them and thinking more about it, just to see if it aroused me or not, to try to "disprove it" but it only made it worse.

There were more events that happened that day, since I had an interview and was asked private questions that reminded me of things I didn't want to. I started doing a habit I have broken for about 2 months, which was a way for me to release stress and it also made me feel guilty. I don't know if that contributes to that mess.

Please help. It's already affecting things really badly.
 
resurrectionfern

resurrectionfern

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Aug 25, 2021
Messages
26
Location
USA
Hey there. I’m sorry that you’re struggling. Do you have a therapist or mental health professional? Or a close friend to confide in? I find that can be helpful.
 
A

A012003

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Egypt
Hey there. I’m sorry that you’re struggling. Do you have a therapist or mental health professional? Or a close friend to confide in? I find that can be helpful.
Hi. I don't think I can reach a therapist or a mental health professional for some reasons.
 
K

Keesha

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Apr 19, 2019
Messages
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For now, just try and recognize that they are just thoughts and thoughts alone can’t hurt you. Thoughts come and go like clouds but don’t define us. Try not to add too much meaning behind them.Welcome to the site.
 
A

A012003

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Egypt
For now, just try and recognize that they are just thoughts and thoughts alone can’t hurt you. Thoughts come and go like clouds but don’t define us. Try not to add too much meaning behind them.Welcome to the site.
Hey. I am trying to convince myself of so, but the feelings of emptiness and numb feelings, after these thoughts, it is still there and the more I talk to her and she notices I'm acting differently, the more guilt I have. Maybe I should give it time to forget these thoughts, I don't know. Thanks :)
 
Squish

Squish

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Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
32
Location
Neverland
Hi there!
I'm new here, but thought I would say I'm right with you in this rOCD mess. My obsessions are completely different from yours, but are causing a big rift in my relationship...almost to it's breaking point. I'm still learning, working, going through therapy and trying to find a good psychiatrist I can afford.
I don't know if this is helpful, but here are my thoughts: It's so hard to tell what is reasonable and what isn't, and second guess. You get to a point where you have to learn how to sit with the uncomfortable for long periods of time. Sometimes it enough for me to say - this is a thought..it could be true, but it also couldn't. It's so hard not to try and test it for validity. It's hard to learn not to grab and combat the thought, but the key is not engaging with it. I've found a few books helpful on the CBT front that can say so much more than me. Just know you are not alone! Virtual hugs 🤗
 
Squish

Squish

Active member
Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
32
Location
Neverland
Oops! I forgot to add- the feeling of numbness can be like anything else that come and go. The numbness sucks and tends to send me down a spiral that loops back to my original problem/obsession. Anxiety can make it hard to feel much of anything. Hang in there!
 
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