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I am a loner

valleygirl

valleygirl

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I don't really have friends. I don't go out and socialize. Sometimes I go to my parents' place for dinner and we play a game afterward, and sometimes we go for a hike. But I feel like I don't know how to make friends anymore. And this is making my class on interpersonal communication very challenging. I have to do an observation of someone who is not listening (attending) to the person they are conversing with, and I have no idea where to go to do this observation. And throughout the semester I have more observation assignments to do, and I am freaking about how I'm going to get them done.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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I can't advise about the whole observation/assignment thing but in terms of friends, I hope your able to make some friends but not just any friends, ones that care about you and accept you for who you are. Quality over Quantity.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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Can you do with it your parents?
Or you could just ask another student? Its not so bad - people can be more friendly than you think.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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It seems odd to me that that your Uni is asking you to do this. Do they expect you to set it up or what? If you can't engineer it in real life, invent it. Research how people behave when they are not attending/bored with a converstaion and then spin a story around it. Don't beat yourself up too much about it because it sounds like a totally unreasonable task to me...and I studied communication at Uni. If I can help further, please PM me :)
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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For this particular observation I can't be part of the conversation. I have to observe and record someone else's conversation.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Ahh...oh FFS. So they are asking you to hang around in bars? Lol
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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Yeah, if it comes down to it, I will just make it up. Partly I'm just scared of the whole course, because my instructor is really intimidating. Actually, she really freaks me out. On the first day of class she was going on and on about non-verbal communication and how good she is at reading people's body language and facial expressions, and that she had no problem calling people out on what she sees. As she was going through the course outline and the assignments for the semester, I started having anxiety about the assignments, and then I started freaking that she was going to see the anxiety all over my face, and I started thinking that I had to try to control my facial expressions, and everything started whirling through my mind. And then my instructor called out my name and said she saw a lot of different expressions on my face and asked me what I was thinking. I stammered out some stupid answer, and wanted to disappear. Now I am terrified to say anything in class, but a large part of my grade is based on class participation, so I'm supposed to talk, but whenever we have class discussions I just freeze and can't think of anything to say. I am almost in tears just writing about it now.
It seems odd to me that that your Uni is asking you to do this. Do they expect you to set it up or what? If you can't engineer it in real life, invent it. Research how people behave when they are not attending/bored with a converstaion and then spin a story around it. Don't beat yourself up too much about it because it sounds like a totally unreasonable task to me...and I studied communication at Uni. If I can help further, please PM me :)
 
S

sci31A

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I know how that feels. I've been a loner since I was about 8-9. For many reasons.

If you make friends you have to be picky. To note not all people are worth having as a friends.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Yeah, if it comes down to it, I will just make it up. Partly I'm just scared of the whole course, because my instructor is really intimidating. Actually, she really freaks me out. On the first day of class she was going on and on about non-verbal communication and how good she is at reading people's body language and facial expressions, and that she had no problem calling people out on what she sees. As she was going through the course outline and the assignments for the semester, I started having anxiety about the assignments, and then I started freaking that she was going to see the anxiety all over my face, and I started thinking that I had to try to control my facial expressions, and everything started whirling through my mind. And then my instructor called out my name and said she saw a lot of different expressions on my face and asked me what I was thinking. I stammered out some stupid answer, and wanted to disappear. Now I am terrified to say anything in class, but a large part of my grade is based on class participation, so I'm supposed to talk, but whenever we have class discussions I just freeze and can't think of anything to say. I am almost in tears just writing about it now.
Sorry but that's appalling. Do you have a personal tutor? Someone you can go to and say in confidence 'I need help with this because I'm finding it difficult?' If you haven't, it's not a good course.
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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I know it's appalling, but I have to get through it somehow. I need the course in order to graduate and the same course with a different instructor is full. I was on the waiting list for both classes, and I'm lucky I even got in.

I don't have a tutor. And to be honest, I'd feel too ashamed to get a tutor through the university because I am OLD compared to most of the students in my class, and to have a tutor so much younger than me would be humiliating.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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You are just as worthy as anyone else. Don't buy into that ageist crap. It is just a load of bollocks. The most inspirational people often take courses as mature adults and seniors.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Old? What has that go to do with anything? I didn't go to Uni until I was 23. I went back to Uni when I was 40. I'm back at Uni now, age 63. Age has got nothing to do with it.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Education is about what you want. It's got nothing to do with other people or even society - it's about what you want. You have to go for that...despite everything, despite everyone else. You might not be on the right course, but if so, there will be others. You might just have a crap instructor, in which case, that's not your fault. You just have to fight for what you want and yes, you do have to fight. It's a struggle, it's hard, but you deserve it. Can you read and are you willing to read a lot? Can you write well and are you willing to work hard at composing essays? Can you be analytical and argue your thoughts well? You can do all these things even if you are a loner and therefore you can get through this.
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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This is second time around for me with university. This time I am studying Early Childhood Education. I already have a BA in Literature, so yes, I can write essays. I got straight A's in my first 2 semesters this time around. It's just this particular instructor who freaks me out.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Can you ask for a change of tutor? I imagine that's a bit awkward :(
 
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