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I am a bully

Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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I'm in the middle of watching a programme on BBC Iplayer, it's about boyfriend's hitting their girlfriend's/domestic abuse, etc.

It made me think of the times I was a bully to my girlfriend even abusive. Maybe I'm being harsh about me being abusive but still I was at the very least a bully.
I have issues with my temper, but that doesn't excuse what I have said in the past.
I have verbally bullied my girlfriend and perhaps other non physical forms of bullying?

I sent her an e-mail and she forgives me, i'm thankful for that. I ask for forgiveness from everyone on here, because you guys are my family. Please forgive me. I will keep striving to be a better person.
 
JennyWren32

JennyWren32

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I know I don't know you but I've been there. Think I had a temper anyway but it worsened as the symptoms did. I thought if I shouted or pushed or was mean,somehow the panic would stopped.

I've learned a lot since then,including understanding that dwelling on my mistakes won't help anyone recover,they or I.

It was very brave to make amends though,the exact opposite of a bully. Bullies are cowards,you saw what you did,felt ashamed and manned up. Give yourself some credit.

Hope you don't mind my opinion,I know I'm new :/
 
Sen

Sen

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We've all done things/said things we truly regret,the only way to make things right is to become a better person.I know it sounds easier than it is, and it takes a lot of effort/hard work to achieve but I think it's worth it.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Thank you both for your opinions and JennyWren32, off course I don't mind your opinion. I welcome it :) Also thank you to the other members who gave me a hug, I appreciate it :)
 
D

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I'm in the middle of watching a programme on BBC Iplayer, it's about boyfriend's hitting their girlfriend's/domestic abuse, etc.

It made me think of the times I was a bully to my girlfriend even abusive. Maybe I'm being harsh about me being abusive but still I was at the very least a bully.
I have issues with my temper, but that doesn't excuse what I have said in the past.
I have verbally bullied my girlfriend and perhaps other non physical forms of bullying?

I sent her an e-mail and she forgives me, i'm thankful for that. I ask for forgiveness from everyone on here, because you guys are my family. Please forgive me. I will keep striving to be a better person.
You're aware of it, and your ex has forgiven you. Now you're asking us for forgiveness, but perhaps it's you that's needs to forgive yourself.

All we can do is learn, ask ourselves why we did that, was it connected to our childhoods, and find out awareness of who we are and why, as awareness and being honest with ourselves is the key to change. If we stay firmly in denial, then change becomes almost impossible, you aren't in this stage, so next stage is self love and forgiveness, you don't need people on here to forgive you, you need to do that yourself.
 
Sen

Sen

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I've been through/am going through something similar and I know that it's painful.I think that we sometimes punish ourselves far too much.As long as we strive to be better people,I think that it will make things right.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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You're aware of it, and your ex has forgiven you. Now you're asking us for forgiveness, but perhaps it's you that's needs to forgive yourself.

All we can do is learn, ask ourselves why we did that, was it connected to our childhoods, and find out awareness of who we are and why, as awareness and being honest with ourselves is the key to change. If we stay firmly in denial, then change becomes almost impossible, you aren't in this stage, so next stage is self love and forgiveness, you don't need people on here to forgive you, you need to do that yourself.
I understand what your saying. I will forgive myself once I have completed my change. I just want my friends/family on here (people on this forum are my family) to forgive me for my sins and mistakes.
 
D

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I understand what your saying. I will forgive myself once I have completed my change. I just want my friends/family on here (people on this forum are my family) to forgive me for my sins and mistakes.
forgiving yourself is a process that you are going through, it's no point planning to decide when you'll forgive yourself. And if you start the process of understanding yourself and what drove you to it, the forgiveness comes along, and at the stage, you can go back to family and instead of saying sorry, you can explain why, and then it's easier for them to forgive. Sometimes we have to find out why we did something first.

When you understand someone, it's easier to forgive them, and that applies to ourselves.
 
katya

katya

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I've been there too. I hate it about myself but I do have a temper and it's been really hard for me to deal with. The guilt is incredible. You must forgive yourself, though. If you don't, you'll believe you're a bad person and you'll keep doing it as a result. You have to believe you're better than that, you know? And leave it behind - best way to do that is to look after yourself and make sure you're dealing with your emotions in healthy ways, or in as healthy a way as possible.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Why I was a bully is because in part due to my temper problems. Another thing though is due to my past. About 7 years ago I thought I was too soft with people hence the reason I thought people walked over me. At the time of such incidents, I never took it that way but in 2007/2008 when I was looking back at my past, that's when I began to feel that people viewed me as an easy target.

So from being a human door matt, I became the total opposite. I started to think and believe that I won't allow others to push me around, so in turn I would want to get back at others so as to even things up.
But since 2012 i've been wanting to change, and I did. But as I gave into my addiction, etc, I reverted back to my ego centered self.
Now I am temperamental, i'm always fighting with myself because of this bad habit of being critical.
I will become a better person and even when i'm at a level that i'm happy with, I will maintaining that level and/or keep striving to become even better.
 
katya

katya

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Why I was a bully is because in part due to my temper problems. Another thing though is due to my past. About 7 years ago I thought I was too soft with people hence the reason I thought people walked over me. At the time of such incidents, I never took it that way but in 2007/2008 when I was looking back at my past, that's when I began to feel that people viewed me as an easy target.

So from being a human door matt, I became the total opposite. I started to think and believe that I won't allow others to push me around, so in turn I would want to get back at others so as to even things up.
But since 2012 i've been wanting to change, and I did. But as I gave into my addiction, etc, I reverted back to my ego centered self.
Now I am temperamental, i'm always fighting with myself because of this bad habit of being critical.
I will become a better person and even when i'm at a level that i'm happy with, I will maintaining that level and/or keep striving to become even better.
Sounds like you just need to find the right balance, like we all do. You'll get there.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Sounds like you just need to find the right balance, like we all do. You'll get there.
Yeah that's what i'm striving for. I'm glad your not angry with me :) after what I have admitted to. I'm sorry if I upset you or anyone else with what I have said.
 
D

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Why I was a bully is because in part due to my temper problems. Another thing though is due to my past. About 7 years ago I thought I was too soft with people hence the reason I thought people walked over me. At the time of such incidents, I never took it that way but in 2007/2008 when I was looking back at my past, that's when I began to feel that people viewed me as an easy target.

So from being a human door matt, I became the total opposite. I started to think and believe that I won't allow others to push me around, so in turn I would want to get back at others so as to even things up.
But since 2012 i've been wanting to change, and I did. But as I gave into my addiction, etc, I reverted back to my ego centered self.
Now I am temperamental, i'm always fighting with myself because of this bad habit of being critical.
I will become a better person and even when i'm at a level that i'm happy with, I will maintaining that level and/or keep striving to become even better.
Perhaps when you had a temper, underneath it was a lot of vulnerability, but to protect this vulnerability you did the opposite.

Perhaps as well as forgiving yourself, it might be beneficial for you to access this vulnerable side to you, just let it be, and then find new ways of how to deal with it so it doesn't lead to temper.

I find it beneficial to state how I'm feeling, I feel........... I need........... it's best to own how you feel and what your needs are rather than say 'you're making me feel...........' because that's more aggressive.
 
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