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I always second guess what people think about appearance

T

Talina

Member
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
20
Location
Sweden
Hey everyone ☺

How do you make yourself feel more confident in yourself and not think all people thinks bad about you.

Myself always second guess on how people see me and my appearance. This have made me not to dress how I want and often just go with baggy clothes to hide myself.

I always hear comments about my appearance for example lose weight, you’re fat, you need cosmetic surgery, wear makeup and so on. These comments come from friends and family 😅

I have quite low self esteem when it comes to my appearance because that was what they targeted when I was bullied once. I can dress up but when I look in the mirror I hate what I see.

Because on what I think about my appearance, I often want to avoid people and gets really nervous and tense. Being tense end up with my shoulders hurting, worse is for my left shoulder which can end up with me not being able to raise my arm up. So interacting with people make me feel really tired.

I have come a long way handling my fear to people, but also changing on how I think about my own appearance might help me develop as a person. So I can express myself and not being afraid of showing people who I am and what I like.

How do you quiet down the thoughts and voices.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
2,743
Location
Nashua NH
Hi, Talina,

Confidence can come from
your appearance but it can come from
other things too. What things do you like about yourself? What things are you really good at? I would focus on developing your confidence through things other than your appearance for awhile. When your confidence is greater you can refocus on your appearance. Are there things you would like to change to feel that you are putting your best foot forward? If you already feel that you are presenting yourself as would like to just think of the strengths that you have in other areas and feel good about that.
 
T

Talina

Member
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
20
Location
Sweden
Thanks for replying @JessisMe

I have no idea what I am good at, I often here people telling me I’m too nice. But I have huge fright towards conflicts which make me rather pull away than step in with different situations which just make me a coward in my eyes.

Because I’m nice and always listen, I end up with people feeling confident to tell about their problems to me. I’ll support and be there but won’t get the same treatment 😅 The downside of being too nice and people often will just use it. Still working on not being too nice towards people.

I don’t really feel like I’m presenting myself how I want. I have no idea how to have conversation with people, I have no idea what to talk about and keep a conversation going. When I get tired I pull back even more and isolate myself, which ends up with me being even more nervous when I need to step out at a later time. But this have always been a struggle since I was a small child, my teachers always noticed I pulled away from people. Which have ended up with me being quite bad with socializing with people and feeling confident with myself.

The only compliments I can get from people is that I’m kind and have a lot of patience, so I guess that’s my overal strengths.

So myself can’t really see that I have any strengths 😅
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
2,743
Location
Nashua NH
It sounds like kindness, niceness, patient, a good listener, putting others interests first are some
of your very good qualities that make you unique.
I’m sure there are others too. You should feel good about those things. Not everyone has those qualities and they have value. I have always been a reserved person also and don’t do the best in making conversation....I feel better online. As far as fine qualities, though, you do have them and they are something to feel good about. 😊👍
 
T

Talina

Member
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
20
Location
Sweden
@JessisMe Thanks for your kind words🌸

Took quite a lot of me for starting to write online and not second guessing all the time, I still feel uncomfortable writing online but it’s getting better 😊
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
863
Location
England
Hey everyone ☺

How do you make yourself feel more confident in yourself and not think all people thinks bad about you.

Myself always second guess on how people see me and my appearance. This have made me not to dress how I want and often just go with baggy clothes to hide myself.

I always hear comments about my appearance for example lose weight, you’re fat, you need cosmetic surgery, wear makeup and so on. These comments come from friends and family 😅

I have quite low self esteem when it comes to my appearance because that was what they targeted when I was bullied once. I can dress up but when I look in the mirror I hate what I see.

Because on what I think about my appearance, I often want to avoid people and gets really nervous and tense. Being tense end up with my shoulders hurting, worse is for my left shoulder which can end up with me not being able to raise my arm up. So interacting with people make me feel really tired.

I have come a long way handling my fear to people, but also changing on how I think about my own appearance might help me develop as a person. So I can express myself and not being afraid of showing people who I am and what I like.

How do you quiet down the thoughts and voices.
I think i got to an age where i didn't care how i looked anymore. I try to be washed and smelling clean, have clean and trimmed hair, clean teeth all flossed and mouth washed, and wear smart, ironed, well-fitting clothes. Those are the important things so you feel good about yourself.

I also assume there will be people who don't like me or don't like my appearance, and when you know that is going to be true, because some people won't, then you care less.
 
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