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I achieved something this morning but I don't feel good about it.

S

SadRainbow

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I had a breakdown back in April. I haven't managed to take my daughter to nursery since then. She goes three mornings a week. My husband has been taking her. She starts school in September so there's not much of nursery left. I really wanted to manage taking her at least once more before she finishes. I went with them this morning. It felt weird and a bit emotional. I want to feel good about it, to give myself a pat on the back, but as I came home all I could think about was how everything is temporary and meaningless. Thoughts like these started some time back in May. My depression got very existential and it was really quite devastating. I'm painfully aware that I can never go back to how I was before my breakdown - that this awareness of the meaningless of everything is here to stay. I desperately need to find ways to enjoy life again, and to cope with the fact that everything is temporary and pointless. I'm not religious or spiritual so there's no comfort for me there.

I'm trying to feel happy that I made this step today but it feels insignificant and too late.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

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Hi SadRainbow, I know that you are feeling that your step today was insignificant but it wasn't. It was good to be there today for your daughter. There will be many future moments, some you will miss and that is okay, but others you will be there. I hope that you can feel the joy of being there. Sometimes I don't feel present in moments. I want to be there completely. Wishing for you to feel the significance and joy. Things are temporary but not pointless. 💗
 
M

Mistral

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Be easy on yourself. Recovering from depression is often not comfortable. You know that what you did was good for others.
 
Bod

Bod

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Pretty Good
I had a breakdown back in April. I haven't managed to take my daughter to nursery since then. She goes three mornings a week. My husband has been taking her. She starts school in September so there's not much of nursery left. I really wanted to manage taking her at least once more before she finishes. I went with them this morning. It felt weird and a bit emotional. I want to feel good about it, to give myself a pat on the back, but as I came home all I could think about was how everything is temporary and meaningless. Thoughts like these started some time back in May. My depression got very existential and it was really quite devastating. I'm painfully aware that I can never go back to how I was before my breakdown - that this awareness of the meaningless of everything is here to stay. I desperately need to find ways to enjoy life again, and to cope with the fact that everything is temporary and pointless. I'm not religious or spiritual so there's no comfort for me there.

I'm trying to feel happy that I made this step today but it feels insignificant and too late.

Sometimes you have to give yourself a pat on the back as you deserve it and it's not bad to feel emotional at those times like taking and seeing your daughter to nursery. I don't think people have to be religious or spiritual to try and help themselfs, it can come from within your own mind and body. It's an easier said than done thing to do but it can be done over a lot of practice and time.
 
S

SadRainbow

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 5, 2021
Messages
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Location
Norfolk
Sometimes you have to give yourself a pat on the back as you deserve it and it's not bad to feel emotional at those times like taking and seeing your daughter to nursery. I don't think people have to be religious or spiritual to try and help themselfs, it can come from within your own mind and body. It's an easier said than done thing to do but it can be done over a lot of practice and time.
I'm glad I did it, and I will try to take her again, several times if I can. I just keep getting overwhelmed by the feeling that everything we do is ultimately pointless. Everything will end one day, so we really need to make the most of now, the present, the people we love, the things we enjoy... But my depression is preventing me from really appreciating anything. I suffer all day, every day. I keep going, trying to get better, trying to be patient... I try in the hopes that it will help my daughter be happy. So there is purpose there and it keeps me going, but I am so tired. I don't want to be alive because I don't enjoy anything, but I keep going for her.
 
Bod

Bod

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I'm glad I did it, and I will try to take her again, several times if I can. I just keep getting overwhelmed by the feeling that everything we do is ultimately pointless. Everything will end one day, so we really need to make the most of now, the present, the people we love, the things we enjoy... But my depression is preventing me from really appreciating anything. I suffer all day, every day. I keep going, trying to get better, trying to be patient... I try in the hopes that it will help my daughter be happy. So there is purpose there and it keeps me going, but I am so tired. I don't want to be alive because I don't enjoy anything, but I keep going for her.

You both had a beautiful child together which is fantastic, and both working side by side to bring her up with love and care and to keep her safe and all the while doing so you are also working on yourself. You will find one day it does get a bit easier it just takes time.
 
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