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I’ve been through so much. Idk if I’ll ever can be anxiety free..

R

Retaw

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Hi everyone,

I need to put some things off my chest and keeping everything for myself makes me feel super lost.

So, I’m a 20 year old guy which suffer from a anxiety disorder and depression for 3 years. Before that time I was more anxious then others as well I must say. I’ve had a tough childhood with lots of domestic violence. I never really had a safe place to be. When I was 13 I finally moved out to another city to start things over. Unfortunately it was easier said then done. All these years made my confidence super low. So after a while I started doing drugs. It’s something I ain’t proud of and I might think it triggered my situation how it is to this day. Everything went completely down hill when I started getting anxiety attacks in public like my school, train, bus etc.

My anxiety has changed over the 3 years. I’ve been through a lot of different types etc. but the main problem was that I had a hard time going outside. My problems aren’t only anxiety right now. I feel like I’m getting mentaly ill of my current situation. I feel spaced out etc. I just feel very bad all the time and I often don’t know what to do about it. This feeling gives me anxiety again.

One of my highest anxiety problems are the fear of losing control of myself and do something I would regret. The anxiety is so high sometimes that I cause injuries to myself.

I’ve had a psychologist for 2 years, but now I’m without, because they said they couldn’t help me anymore. I’ve have to wait for months now till I get another one. In the meantime things getting worse and I’m getting more frustrated by the day. I feel completely lost and I don’t see much light in the future.

I’m afraid I’ve to live this way my entire life.

I don’t know where to start.. I’m still living at my parrents house, but well.. That makes me depressed as well. I can’t work, I lost my social life.. I’m living like I ghost. I do groceries with my mom everyday, but everyday I keep feeling bad, no matter how many times I do it. I almost never feel relaxed.

I tried medication, but it ain’t work for me. It triggers my fear for losing control and I feel even more spaced out. Deep inside I know that medication isn’t the answer for my problems.

My emotions aren’t balanced at all. I wish I could get a good cry to heal things, but I can’t make myself feel that way. I sometimes try, but I fail.

I feel so miserable all the time and I wish there was something which would change my life.. I just don’t know how I can turn the knob and be positive minded and forget everything I’ve been through.

I struggle a lot with my confidence. If it was just a little higher it would make things a lot easier. I don’t have a lot of hope and motivation left.
 
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HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

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I feel so miserable all the time and I wish there was something which would change my life.. I just don’t know how I can turn the knob and be positive minded and forget everything I’ve been through. I struggle a lot with my confidence. If it was just a little higher it would make things a lot easier. I don’t have a lot of hope and motivation left.
I think we are all wishing for the same thing -- something to turn our lives around. I might be rich if I had a dollar for every time I heard someone wish for a magic pill for mental illness. And there isn't; often it takes hard work and determination to get better.

I know that sounds discouraging. However, illnesses do change with time and sometimes for the better, even without interference on our part. Anyway, what I mean to say is please don't give up! And I hope you don't take it wrong when I say that you are too young to give in to despair.
 
daffy

daffy

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Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could Just flick a switch and not be depressed/anxious any more, but unfortunately we can’t. Getting yourself better takes a lot of hard work, and you will have to force yourself to do things. So maybe you can’t hold down a job but you could volunteer say at an animal shelter or charity shop one morning a week. Don’t commit to any more but if after a while you feel able to and when your gaining in confidence try to do a little more. Your much too young to spend the rest of your life unemployed. Take baby steps and start to take walks maybe take up jogging. Don’t you want to get married and have a family.You don’t have to spend the rest of your life wondering what it could have been . Because believe me before you know it 20 years will have passed you by
 
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Retaw

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It just feels like there is something wrong with me that I can’t change things. Like this thoughts of going crazy.. I’ve had a moment things went a little better, but now I’m really at the bottom again.

I once heard someone said this; Anxiety is a addiction. At first I was like, hell no, nobody want to live like this, but later on I actually think that person was right. But now, how can I get rid of this negative addiction?

Yes, life does change a lot, but it hasn’t been in a positive way for me yet.

Giving up isn’t really in my dictionary. But I can really freeze myself in long periods of time. I just don’t do anything anymore till I have a bit more relaxation back.
 
daffy

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And well do I know it! I can truly speak from experience.
So do I. I don’t know where the years went. One minute I had babies the next I’ve got teenage grandchildren. I must admit I do look back and regret not going to uni and getting an education . I could have done so much more with my life, but procrastination is an awful thing. I was always going to get round to it
 
HauntedWitch

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It just feels like there is something wrong with me that I can’t change things. Like this thoughts of going crazy.. I’ve had a moment things went a little better, but now I’m really at the bottom again. I once heard someone said this; Anxiety is a addiction. At first I was like, hell no, nobody want to live like this, but later on I actually think that person was right. But now, how can I get rid of this negative addiction?

Yes, life does change a lot, but it hasn’t been in a positive way for me yet. Giving up isn’t really in my dictionary. But I can really freeze myself in long periods of time. I just don’t do anything anymore till I have a bit more relaxation back.
What's 'wrong with you' is what is wrong with all of us here -- it is an illness. You aren't a bad or deficient person because of it. At least, not in my estimation!

I don't agree with whoever told you that anxiety is an addiction, perhaps excepting, of course, people who have Munchhausen's syndrome. I don't think that is a very large percentage of the population. It is possible though that you have learned negative patterns of thinking from childhood which need to be overcome.
 
R

Retaw

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Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could Just flick a switch and not be depressed/anxious any more, but unfortunately we can’t. Getting yourself better takes a lot of hard work, and you will have to force yourself to do things. So maybe you can’t hold down a job but you could volunteer say at an animal shelter or charity shop one morning a week. Don’t commit to any more but if after a while you feel able to and when your gaining in confidence try to do a little more. Your much too young to spend the rest of your life unemployed. Take baby steps and start to take walks maybe take up jogging. Don’t you want to get married and have a family.You don’t have to spend the rest of your life wondering what it could have been . Because believe me before you know it 20 years will have passed you by
I’ve done freelance work for like 4 times a while a go in a period when things where a little better. Unfortunately I’ve made a bad down fall. I might was asking too much from myself. I was taking the train, bus, supermarket alone etc. That period was like only 6 months. I was feeling so depressed to face everything. Everything I couldn’t do. I was looking around me seeing people from my age having a good time and there was me all alone struggling with my health.

“Don’t you want to get married and have a family.You don’t have to spend the rest of your life wondering what it could have been.”

This makes me really depressed, because it feels so far away. I can’t even take care of myself. I don’t want to be this person who I am now before I think of that.

My old psychologist recommended to get clinical help. My first thoughts where how I can sink down this deep and I was very ashamed of myself and towards my family. Luckely they support me. I’m now waiting to get help, but it can take up to 6 months! That’s a long period of time that I have to face alone. My biggest fear of it is that once I am there I never go out..

Pff, why I have to be this stupid.
 
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Retaw

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Oh and I hope that you people can understand me, because english isn’t my mother language
 
daffy

daffy

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It just feels like there is something wrong with me that I can’t change things. Like this thoughts of going crazy.. I’ve had a moment things went a little better, but now I’m really at the bottom again.

I once heard someone said this; Anxiety is a addiction. At first I was like, hell no, nobody want to live like this, but later on I actually think that person was right. But now, how can I get rid of this negative addiction?

Yes, life does change a lot, but it hasn’t been in a positive way for me yet.

Giving up isn’t really in my dictionary. But I can really freeze myself in long periods of time. I just don’t do anything anymore till I have a bit more relaxation back.
Your not going crazy you’ve just got an illness and in time you will learn to accept it. I know you said you don’t like meds and the don’t suit everyone but have you tried other sorts of therapy. CBT is a very good way to make you look at yourself and anxiety . You need to find out what it is that makes you anxious and deal with that. I had therapy for travel anxiety anxiety and it was stopping me from going on holiday until my therapist made me look at from another perspective of the advice that I would give to someone having an anxiety attack. If you put yourself in an advisors position you can usually rationalise most situations. And if you can ease you anxiety your depression could lift
 
HauntedWitch

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I was always going to get round to it
I always talk about the things I will do when I finally get a Round Tuit! They really did sell them in a gift shop at one time as 'joke' presents. They were little round coin type things with reminder messages on both sides.
 
daffy

daffy

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I’ve just read your other post and no your not stupid . You’ve got an illness, and it can be like an addiction and it can feed on itself if you let it
 
R

Retaw

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What's 'wrong with you' is what is wrong with all of us here -- it is an illness. You aren't a bad or deficient person because of it. At least, not in my estimation!

I don't agree with whoever told you that anxiety is an addiction, perhaps excepting, of course, people who have Munchhausen's syndrome. I don't think that is a very large percentage of the population. It is possible though that you have learned negative patterns of thinking from childhood which need to be overcome.
Well, for example; I go shopping and in my conscious and unconscious mind I know that there is a good change things can go down bad. Went things do get bad it gets confirmed that it went bad again. So there is always a voice inside me that is asking if there is a change that things go wrong and often that’s the case, because I call it myself.

That’s how I think about it right now.
 
R

Retaw

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I’ve just read your other post and no your not stupid . You’ve got an illness, and it can be like an addiction and it can feed on itself if you let it
Do you think clinical help can make a big difference for me? I can’t accept myself this way, so letting it keep this way isn’t choice for me.
 
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