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I’m struggling

F

Full Bloom

New member
Joined
Jun 19, 2021
Messages
1
Location
New Jersey
I feel like a monster, not human. I don’t have any friends and the relationship I’m in is one that I keep unintentionally sabotaging with anger/jealously. My episodes are getting a lot worse and I’m scared that I’m going to lose the person I love because of it. Feelings of rage and overwhelming sadness are becoming more common and I went so far as to give myself a black eye out of frustration. I don’t know how to get better. All I wanna do is feel like a person again
 
miss_sensitivity

miss_sensitivity

Well-known member
Joined
May 12, 2021
Messages
505
Location
New Zealand
Hi Full Bloom, welcome to the forum. Are you currently speaking to a professional to help you navigate your emotions? x
 
I

Ivereachedbottom

Active member
Joined
Jun 17, 2021
Messages
31
Location
Maine
I feel like a monster, not human. I don’t have any friends and the relationship I’m in is one that I keep unintentionally sabotaging with anger/jealously. My episodes are getting a lot worse and I’m scared that I’m going to lose the person I love because of it. Feelings of rage and overwhelming sadness are becoming more common and I went so far as to give myself a black eye out of frustration. I don’t know how to get better. All I wanna do is feel like a person again
I understand you more than you can realize. I have fought with those demons for a long time. Tuesday I was told "I want a divorce". After 12 years. I pushed away the one I love. I am finally putting my full energy getting the help I need. I'm not a very religious person but I have appointments with the local pastor, because I can't afford counseling/ therapy. I am a veteran so I've started working with the VA for help. Idk what your situation is, but there are avenues. I even called the suicide prevention hotline yesterday because I needed someone to talk to and I didn't want to live anymore. A part of me still doesn't.
But.... Do you love them? Like truly love them? And how badly do Want help? Take it from me with a person with a shattered heart don't give up. Keep fighting those demons. And start making phone calls to find avenues to seek help. Or atleast someone you can talk to maybe once or twice a week (not family or friends). Family and friends are always going to try to agree with your side of things, and sometimes talking to someone impartial will help you see things that you missed. That happened yesterday for me.
I don't want to say "use your fear of losing them as fuel" because that is a misleading amount of fuel. You need to want it to improve yourself first otherwise nothing will stick.
I hope I was helpful. You are not alone in this. It may feel that way now and for a while, but you are not alone. The more help you recieve the more people who are going to be standing behind you supporting you the entire way.
 
C

Consideration

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
48
Location
England
I understand you more than you can realize. I have fought with those demons for a long time. Tuesday I was told "I want a divorce". After 12 years. I pushed away the one I love. I am finally putting my full energy getting the help I need. I'm not a very religious person but I have appointments with the local pastor, because I can't afford counseling/ therapy. I am a veteran so I've started working with the VA for help. Idk what your situation is, but there are avenues. I even called the suicide prevention hotline yesterday because I needed someone to talk to and I didn't want to live anymore. A part of me still doesn't.
But.... Do you love them? Like truly love them? And how badly do Want help? Take it from me with a person with a shattered heart don't give up. Keep fighting those demons. And start making phone calls to find avenues to seek help. Or atleast someone you can talk to maybe once or twice a week (not family or friends). Family and friends are always going to try to agree with your side of things, and sometimes talking to someone impartial will help you see things that you missed. That happened yesterday for me.
I don't want to say "use your fear of losing them as fuel" because that is a misleading amount of fuel. You need to want it to improve yourself first otherwise nothing will stick.
I hope I was helpful. You are not alone in this. It may feel that way now and for a while, but you are not alone. The more help you recieve the more people who are going to be standing behind you supporting you the entire way.
Wise words, I lived with my BPD for 2.5 years and can say DBT is the way to go. BUT, you have to want this!!
Best of luck
 
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