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I’m so overcome with pain

reservoirwolf

reservoirwolf

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 31, 2020
Messages
46
Location
United States
Hi, Cornflowerblue. I'm very sorry for what you've been through in your life in regards to your family. While my situation was different than yours, any time a child/young adult is abused by their family of origin, I just believe that the damage in not measurable in any way. It really affects so many aspects of your life, even if you don't realize it. My heart goes out to you!

I can only speak of my experience with therapy but I've never had that happen (where the therapist doesn't want you to talk specifics). I mean, I guess I can understand staying positive and all that but being honest, open and raw about what you've actually lived through is something that my therapist has always encouraged. He always likes to ask, "ready to do the dirty work?" I've always gone into therapy knowing that it wasn't going to be easy, precisely because he wants me to be honest with him and to talk through feelings that spring up from specific memories/experiences/etc. In my opinion, it actually seems counter-productive to not talk specifics. If that was something my therapist told me to do, it would put me right back in the mindset of ... feeling like what I have to say doesn't matter. Not being encouraged to talk about the things that brought you to therapy in the first place doesn't seem right. Skirting around the issues would cause more problems and anxiety for me. Yikes, I'm very sorry she has this...rigidity when it comes to your sessions. This is just my personal opinion, of course...do you feel like this way of therapy is helpful at all for you? Are there more pros than cons with this approach for you?

It's never easy or helpful when you're sitting in a session and your brain is wondering if you're doing it "the right way". You know what I mean? Seems it would be more beneficial if the therapist lets you do more of the session leading and do what kind of talking comes naturally. If that means going in to detail about certain experiences or discussing the current relationships between you and your family members, then that would seem okay. Remember, the therapist works for you!

I'll continue to be here listening. I hope things get better for you!
 
C

Cornflowerblue

Member
Joined
Aug 4, 2020
Messages
24
Location
UK
Hi, Cornflowerblue. I'm very sorry for what you've been through in your life in regards to your family. While my situation was different than yours, any time a child/young adult is abused by their family of origin, I just believe that the damage in not measurable in any way. It really affects so many aspects of your life, even if you don't realize it. My heart goes out to you!

I can only speak of my experience with therapy but I've never had that happen (where the therapist doesn't want you to talk specifics). I mean, I guess I can understand staying positive and all that but being honest, open and raw about what you've actually lived through is something that my therapist has always encouraged. He always likes to ask, "ready to do the dirty work?" I've always gone into therapy knowing that it wasn't going to be easy, precisely because he wants me to be honest with him and to talk through feelings that spring up from specific memories/experiences/etc. In my opinion, it actually seems counter-productive to not talk specifics. If that was something my therapist told me to do, it would put me right back in the mindset of ... feeling like what I have to say doesn't matter. Not being encouraged to talk about the things that brought you to therapy in the first place doesn't seem right. Skirting around the issues would cause more problems and anxiety for me. Yikes, I'm very sorry she has this...rigidity when it comes to your sessions. This is just my personal opinion, of course...do you feel like this way of therapy is helpful at all for you? Are there more pros than cons with this approach for you?

It's never easy or helpful when you're sitting in a session and your brain is wondering if you're doing it "the right way". You know what I mean? Seems it would be more beneficial if the therapist lets you do more of the session leading and do what kind of talking comes naturally. If that means going in to detail about certain experiences or discussing the current relationships between you and your family members, then that would seem okay. Remember, the therapist works for you!

I'll continue to be here listening. I hope things get better for you!
Thankyou so much, I really appreciate you answering my question and confirming what I already thought. My therapist should encourage self expression instead of not wanting to talk about it. I like her otherwise and I want to contNiue therapy but due to my past experiences I’m a bit submissive towards dominant females and reluctant to let her know what I really think. I have just drafted a short email as follows, hopefully this will do the trick.
It goes like this :

“ Hi xxx,
I hope you’re well.

Before our chat on Friday I just wanted to let you know how I feel which I hope is ok with you :)

I’ve done some mindfulness exercises and I will continue to try to focus on them however I feel I want to discuss with you more specifics of my past, of my childhood and also the present family situation I find myself in.
I know the intention is to help me get over the past and move on but that’s what I have been doing for as long as I can remember by suppressing it. I have never been able to speak about the actual reasons behind my sadness, depression and anxiety which often makes me feel they are not real.

I sense that you may be reluctant to talk about specifics of the past however I feel I would benefit from it.

Please let me have your thoughts

Thanks

xxx

What do you think? I will let you know how it goes. Thankyou so so much for being here and listening xxx
 
reservoirwolf

reservoirwolf

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 31, 2020
Messages
46
Location
United States
I think it’s a really good email and I definitely hope it gets the response that you need and will help you move forward in your treatment and healing! You should be proud of yourself for writing and sending it. Standing up for yourself and being an active participant in your therapy is very, very important! Well done! Let me know how it ends up; I do hope things improve! Take care!
 
C

Cornflowerblue

Member
Joined
Aug 4, 2020
Messages
24
Location
UK
I think it’s a really good email and I definitely hope it gets the response that you need and will help you move forward in your treatment and healing! You should be proud of yourself for writing and sending it. Standing up for yourself and being an active participant in your therapy is very, very important! Well done! Let me know how it ends up; I do hope things improve! Take care!
Thanks, the therapist says she is not reluctant and will listen so I guess I will keep attending therapy. I’m not sure where therapy takes you really, what is the expected outcome, is there ever a release for childhood trauma victims. My family deny everything if I have ever mentioned anything untoward my mother thinks its ludicrous. When I dared to tell my sister recently that the reason why I can’t express myself to her is I am afraid of her reaction she basically said we have never actually spoken at length so what reaction am I talking about! This proves that im unable to talk to her and also that she has no interest in understanding why. Instead she strongly feels that I am deliberately making things up against her. She said ‘I didn’t know you had so much in your heart against me’ . Even my mother and all my sisters friends say she is dominating and has a big temper. I guess I’m the liar again. I just feel I cant get through when I so want to have a family to LOVE.
 
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