I’m so confused and keep binging

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lydslaura

New member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
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1
Location
Kent
Basically, I’ve been struggling with my relationship to food for a long time, getting to it’s worst since starting university last year when I could have complete control over my food and for over a year now I have not missed a day logging on myfitnesspal. I reached my lowest weight over Christmas, which is never been drastically low but my BMI was low - and I have now gained a bit of weight due to realising the danger I was putting myself in and have been trying to sort out my mindset - while my physical state has improved slightly i still haven’t got my period back and the stuff going on in my head is still just as bad if now worse. I have been to the doctors about this but they say every time that I’m not bad enough for them to help yet even though I was underweight I wasn’t underweight ENOUGH. Since coming home from uni this Easter I have suddenly started struggling with binges - I never did before and I’m not sure why this is happening. It’s so confusing because I’ve read that some people binge because their body needs to recover but the doctors told me I wasn’t ill enough so how can I be going through all the side effects of recovery?? (I’ve been constipated, my hair came out in clumps etc a few weeks ago but I think I’m over that bit now). I’m so confused why I’m suddenly binging am I just being greedy?? I feel like it’s stupid for me to compare myself with the things that come with anorexia recovery because the doctors said I was never bad enough. Although I’m teying to get better on my own all I want to do is start restricting again because I can see myself putting on weight and I’m having at least 3 days a week where I eat X calories for the past 2 weeks and I know it’s going to be so much easier to go back to restriction at uni. I’m so confused - why am I binging and am I going through recovery even though I was never ill enough?? My head won’t shut up even though I’m eating more and I’m so worried I’m going to go back to the way I was before (2 dress sizes up from what I am now) because I’ve got so many complements since loosing the weight. Please can someone tell me what is happening to me and now to control the binges :( sorry if this was confusing, thank you x
 
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Jordangettingbetter1

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Apr 22, 2019
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durham
Hi lydslaura,

I'm not sure how much help i can be on your query however what you said struck a cord with me as this is almost exactly what i went through 4 years ago when i was around 15 years old. I unfortunately got to the extremely unwell/hospitalized stage and i know that in my recovery i was doing well however started to have an unhealthy relationship with food where i would do the same thing and binge up to X every couple of days. unfortunately i let this carry on longer than i should have which lasted 2 years and now, I am still trying to understand food and my body and why it does what it does. personally i think the reason i did it was my body was sick of all the restriction it had been through in the past and therefore just wanted all of the food i wasn't able to eat at that time. If i was to give you any advice it would just to be to get to the root cause of this (inside of you) understand what you're putting into your body and if it is enough to maintain a HEALTHY weight. I think from what you're saying it does sound like you may be putting too much pressure on yourself to get this 'ideal body/compliments for loosing weight' and this may be contributing to this bingeing. Its hard to get into this matter in depth on something like this on this platform however if you would like to i think we should talk about this more and hopefully help each other.

Jordan
 
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Helena1

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Oct 11, 2014
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Just because you are not ill enough to get help of the NHS, they have very limited resources to help people with EDs so can only help those that are borderline dying, doesn't mean you don't have an ED or won't go through the same recovery process.

It is normal to binge eat when you recover from an ED, your body will balance out in the end. Getting better is a process, your body is recovered long before your head is when you have an ED and recovery in the hardest part because your ED and your logic are at odds. You will get there in the end though.

The people who are complementing you on your new figure don't know the damage you are doing to it. Being healthy should be your main concern.
 

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