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I’m sick of being the way I am

SomepersonyouDK

SomepersonyouDK

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May 31, 2019
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나의 두뇌 / Mo theach
I’m not sure if it’s my depression that is doing this but that’s the only thing I’m diagnosed with so I’ll go with that
I get so agitated and mad for no reason when I get into a depressive state. I keep trying to pick fights with my boyfriend. I feel terrible yet want to continue it. I do it with others too but not as much. I’ll go from being happy to self loathing and upset. I keep crying so much. I’m irritating myself. I wish I could disappear.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Mar 9, 2012
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Tigger and Willow's house UK
Why do you pick fights with your boyfriend? Are you pushing him away before he can push you away? Just that it sounds like there might be something more than depression going on :hug:
 
SomepersonyouDK

SomepersonyouDK

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Joined
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Messages
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나의 두뇌 / Mo theach
Why do you pick fights with your boyfriend? Are you pushing him away before he can push you away? Just that it sounds like there might be something more than depression going on :hug:
I’ve always been around fighting. I’d get told it was to show how much you love someone. That might have something to do with it but I’m very needy. I keep thinking maybe he’ll leave me even when things are happy. He broke up with me before but apparently it wasn’t anything to do with me but I’ve been scared since then even before then too. It’s not his fault really. I’m difficult. I keep making things difficult for myself. I can’t help it. I love him so much that I feel nothing could ever change it one minute then I feel nothing for him the next. It’s a big high then a fast downfall. I’m not too sure what’s wrong. All I know is I hate it. I want to be normal. :hug:
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Messages
9,248
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Tigger and Willow's house UK
I’ve always been around fighting. I’d get told it was to show how much you love someone. That might have something to do with it but I’m very needy. I keep thinking maybe he’ll leave me even when things are happy. He broke up with me before but apparently it wasn’t anything to do with me but I’ve been scared since then even before then too. It’s not his fault really. I’m difficult. I keep making things difficult for myself. I can’t help it. I love him so much that I feel nothing could ever change it one minute then I feel nothing for him the next. It’s a big high then a fast downfall. I’m not too sure what’s wrong. All I know is I hate it. I want to be normal. :hug:
Fighting is not the right way to show someone you love them, its more likely to drive them away :hug:
 
J

JCPraha

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Aug 27, 2018
Messages
431
You have mood swings. I suffer from the same problems. Sometimes I am agitated and tend to get in fights. I go from high to low. You may have the same type of issues. It is not really bipolar disorder, but somewhat similar. It can be difficult to control, but the results are not good. It tends to alienate people. Maybe some medication could even out your mood. But there is no easy answer.
 
SomepersonyouDK

SomepersonyouDK

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May 31, 2019
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나의 두뇌 / Mo theach
You have mood swings. I suffer from the same problems. Sometimes I am agitated and tend to get in fights. I go from high to low. You may have the same type of issues. It is not really bipolar disorder, but somewhat similar. It can be difficult to control, but the results are not good. It tends to alienate people. Maybe some medication could even out your mood. But there is no easy answer.
Ive always tried to hide that my mood changes a lot since my parent had bipolar I don’t want to be mixed in all that. It’s kinda scary. When I get seen to I’ll try be more open about everything. Hopefully who ever I’m sent to (psychologist) helps me cope atleast. Knowing I’ve some sort of support will make me a bit more calm I think. Maybe meds could help too but I’ve been on Prozac before and it made me more agitated and made me feel trapped so something that’s not that would be nice lol. Thank you for replying. (Sorry I talk so much)
 
J

JCPraha

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431
That's a good idea. But is he the only person in your life that you get angry with?
 
SomepersonyouDK

SomepersonyouDK

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Messages
73
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나의 두뇌 / Mo theach
That's a good idea. But is he the only person in your life that you get angry with?
No, i can get angry with anyone. I can hide it a bit with people I’m not too close with but I think it’s noticeable on my face and in my movements when I’m not the happiest duck in the pond
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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May 29, 2019
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1,365
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London
You need to make changes such as going to therapy seeking ways to improve depression I am currently at a long term psych ward so that is working for me I made the most progress in 1 week than 5 years depressed
 
G

Girl interupted

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Nov 17, 2018
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Why do you pick fights with your boyfriend? Are you pushing him away before he can push you away? Just that it sounds like there might be something more than depression going on :hug:
Was thinking the same thing. Sounds very familiar to bpd.
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
431
Some type of mood stabilizer like Lamotragine or Depakote may helps. Of course you need to consult with your doctor. Only a suggestion on my part. But the problem is not only applicable to your boyfriend. I know, I have the same issues, I try to control it, but people can tell if you are tense or agitated, it shows in a person's body language.
 
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