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I’m repulsive

M

MetallicPurple

New member
Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Messages
2
Location
London
I’m a freak. I haven’t harmed myself in over 6 months but I was talking today in therapy about my thoughts and feelings about my self harm and I admitted that I was to actually enjoy it. That I used to get a rush from the harm. And now it’s nighttime and I’m all alone feeling this shame for being such a repulsive being.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
10,728
Location
Nowhere
hi MetallicPurple :welcome:

I can see beauty in you already
thats very poetic what you have written
things we think of as ugly
can be turned inside out
if you study what you have said
its easy to say the opposite !

:grouphug:🐢🎨🎼🖌
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
531
I’m a freak. I haven’t harmed myself in over 6 months but I was talking today in therapy about my thoughts and feelings about my self harm and I admitted that I was to actually enjoy it. That I used to get a rush from the harm. And now it’s nighttime and I’m all alone feeling this shame for being such a repulsive being.
@MetallicPurple .....you seriously need to get yourself admitted to a psych hospital....these issues nee to be addressed......a stint in hospital could do you some good......
 
J

Jomp

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
71
Location
UK
Like many conditions, self-harming is an attempt to gain control over your thoughts. You enjoy it because, as extreme as it seems, harming gives you something to focus on and the pain releases endorphins that counteract the stress.

Like most drugs, it then becomes commonplace, is attached to routine, and becomes normal behaviour.

You need to replace this behaviour with a more constructive one. Odd thing is, most people react the same way to stress, but they have found a less damaging psychological "drug" to deal with it. Workaholics, people who exercise insistently etc., it's all an attempt at gaining control over your own body and mind.

You may see yourself as repulsive but, in reality, all you've done is attach undesirable behaviour to an issue that affects most people.

Unless your therapist is someone who's done a six-week course in counselling, they'll probably help you to adopt healthier behaviours, but it's not rocket science: find a hobby that pushes you physically, replace the self-harming with aching muscles and exhaustion. It'll reduce the stress, give you an alternative to slicing yourself up, and generally improve your mental health.
 
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