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I’m not sure what to do

W

WJ1998

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
1
#1
I got in a relationship with a girl I deeply fancied in early 2018 and for the first weeks things where intense, but great. Suddenly, I started having random doubts about whether I actually liked her at all and wasn’t able to shake them; despite the fact I cry everytime she goes away for a couple of weeks (We are Uni students and live in different countries) I feel like my mind is active 24/7, so I can’t actually be happy in the relationship. I just zone out because I’m worrying. Over the summer, when I was away from the girlfriend for most of the 3 months, I developed serious doubts as to my sexuality which caused me to be sick and lose sleep.I also felt I may have become slightly attracted to another girl, not that I ever wished to be with her. I broke up with the girlfriend then only to get back with her because the thought of being with any other girl sickens me, I think she is the girl I want. However, whenever she goes away these thoughts that I don’t even like her come into my head and feel so real. When I’m with my girlfriend all my instinctive actions are to kiss her, be around her etc. However, I’ve started to worry I don’t find her physically attractive and I just feel horribly guilty Am I just in the wrong relationship, or is ROCD and HOCD destroying my relationship?
 
T

TroubleinParadise

Active member
Joined
Jun 28, 2018
Messages
28
#2
Hi,

Well firstly I want to note that I have been through similar circumstances, relationships are extremely difficult to deal with when you're struggling with obsessive compulsive disorder.

I've had a lot more peace since I've stopped dating. I may not date for a long time. I am a lot more stable. That being said, I want to deal with a few of your statements.

-You said: "I also felt I may have become slightly attracted to another girl"

Okay, it is normal to feel attracted to other woman. You are only human, I am sure that she also finds other men attractive. These thoughts are not problems. It is perfectly normal. this is nothing but an obsession.

-You also said:"I broke up with the girlfriend then only to get back with her because the thought of being with any other girl sickens me"

This I completely understand. I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend and well, I still can't stop thinking about her. I've had to delete social media & block her on Whatsapp just to reduce her 'presence' in my life.

Now - what I want to deal with is this. How often has obsession been a theme in your relationship? With OCD & OCPD you'll often find that we become much more obsessed with the idea of the relationship than the person. My ex pointed this out to me, I felt more offended than anything else when she did. I didn't get it. I get it now.

-You said: "I’ve started to worry I don’t find her physically attractive and I just feel horribly guilty"

Worrying whether she is physically attractive is also perfectly normal with your disorder. I frequently experienced this with my first girlfriend. It was a major reason that our relationship ended.

-Finally, you said: "I developed serious doubts as to my sexuality"

Very common with OCD too. I completely understand what you're going through. I struggle with this. I struggle with this in other themes too, especially bestiality. I've found solace in consistently recognizing that this is nothing more than OCD and that I am not this person.

All in all man, I'm not sure about your relationship. If you can find a way to make it work than that's good. I have not had great success with it. OCD is real and acknowledging it a major step in treatment & recovery. I've lost a lot because of my OCD, especially with relationships.

I feel for you man. This post makes me emotional. I really can relate to this. Please don't hesitate to send me a private message should you want to discuss things in more detail. You're not alone.

Stay strong :)
 
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NorasDad

Active member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
29
#4
It sounds like you're a young person and we all go through this kind of thing, it's just that with OCD the volume is turned WAY up.

You're typical. Your situation is not special. You don't have a problem here that you have to think about day and night. You're just learning how to have serious, committed relationships at this point in your life.

Your OCD tells you that these are huge problems with vast implications. The answer - in life - is always to love people, have EMPATHY with them, LISTEN to them and get back to the humans here.

That and probably a few tens of milligrams of an SSRI :)