- Jul 28, 2020
- Los angeles
For as long as I can remember I’ve had the worst relationship with food. I’m kind of convinced I might have binge eating disorder but I haven’t gotten professionally diagnosed. As a child I was pretty average sized, I was a little chubby as I got older but I wasn’t overweight. I’m 20 years old now and very overweight. I look back at old photos and cry because I was average sized, yet all I ever heard from family was that I was fat. I have a bad relationship with my father and as of right now I can barely eat one meal with him and it has to be with the rest of my family. Today he got mad I was getting crumbs on his new paint job he did on the kitchen counter and for some reason that triggered me and I’ve been hiding in my room since. I cried about it to my mom and she said I was being dramatic but my dad constantly tells me to go out running, to stop eating. He always gives me this look of disgust and he never shows me any affection. Right now I have such a strong urge to go into the fridge and just eat everything in sight but I can’t bring myself to eat anything at the same time. I’m kind of ranting right now but I don’t know who else to talk to. My father has made worse comments before and I think it’s contributed to the bad relationship I have with food. Whenever I do want to eat In front Of him I get this sinking feeling in my stomach and as soon as I’m done with my meal I rush to the bathroom and cry, yet I want to binge even more. Anyone else have episodes like this ?