I’m new in here, & I Can’t do this alone anymore

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Woody84

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Derby
#1
Hey everyone. I’ve read through this forum from afar so many times, and finally plucked up courage to join tonight. My anxiety is through the roof at the moment, bought on and triggered by health anxiety. Had that all my life and got worse after my dad died and the reality of not being immortal came to smack me in the face. I can talk to my family, they’ll sit and nod and offer words of comfort. But I can’t put into words the fear I feel all the time. The solitude I seek just to be a mess alone. My CBT therapist told me my anxiety is like a beach ball that can never be shoved under water. How right he was. You can try but it resurfaces eventually. It has after 3 years of being well. And it’s kicking me down daily. I feel lost, alone, teary, and useless. I’m so scared I’m gonna leave my beautiful children and die. For gods sake when does it ease I’ve forgotten how to shush it :(
 
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Han1318

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Berkshire
#2
Hi there
Firstly huge hugs because I know how hard it is to reach out & admit how you feel! I also am new here!

The way you are feeling is exactly how I feel right now. I have suffered with health anxiety since the birth of my daughter 5 years ago. Generally I have managed to cope. However the past couple of years I have gone from bad to worse with the birth of my son last November literally sending my anxiety off the chart.

I spend 99% of my day worrying about various symptoms & convinced that I'm doomed. My biggest fear also being that I will leave my kids without a mother. This thought makes me cry my heart out on a daily basis.

I'm experiencing all kinds of alarming symptoms which I'm constantly told are due to the anxiety...tingling,numb patches, trembling, neck pain, headache, nausea etc. But of course putting all these wonderful symptoms into Google literally brings my very worst fears into reality!
I also have extreme anxiety regarding my kids health. This all started just after my daughter was born when my 4year old cousin was diagnosed with cancer...this is what completely broke me. However I'm pleased to say he made a complete recovery & remains in remission...happy ending but the worry is still there.

The thing I find most difficult is being told to 'just stop worrying'! It infuriates me. People who don't suffer in the same way we do will never understand. I'm at the very first steps of trying to get through all this so I can't really offer any advice or any coping mechanisms but definitely don't feel alone because I can totally relate to how your feeling. It's relentless & exhausting.

We will get through this but it's just one step at a time I guess.
Xx
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
8,314
Location
England
#3
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
I'm so sorry for your loss, I've recently lost my dad to. So really do understand.
Your grieving and that will make everything seem worse.
Anxiety is horrible, life seems so scary especially when you lose a parent.
Here to listen anytime.
Hope you feel better very soon.
Take care
 
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Woody84

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Derby
#4
Hi there
Firstly huge hugs because I know how hard it is to reach out & admit how you feel! I also am new here!

The way you are feeling is exactly how I feel right now. I have suffered with health anxiety since the birth of my daughter 5 years ago. Generally I have managed to cope. However the past couple of years I have gone from bad to worse with the birth of my son last November literally sending my anxiety off the chart.

I spend 99% of my day worrying about various symptoms & convinced that I'm doomed. My biggest fear also being that I will leave my kids without a mother. This thought makes me cry my heart out on a daily basis.

I'm experiencing all kinds of alarming symptoms which I'm constantly told are due to the anxiety...tingling,numb patches, trembling, neck pain, headache, nausea etc. But of course putting all these wonderful symptoms into Google literally brings my very worst fears into reality!
I also have extreme anxiety regarding my kids health. This all started just after my daughter was born when my 4year old cousin was diagnosed with cancer...this is what completely broke me. However I'm pleased to say he made a complete recovery & remains in remission...happy ending but the worry is still there.

The thing I find most difficult is being told to 'just stop worrying'! It infuriates me. People who don't suffer in the same way we do will never understand. I'm at the very first steps of trying to get through all this so I can't really offer any advice or any coping mechanisms but definitely don't feel alone because I can totally relate to how your feeling. It's relentless & exhausting.

We will get through this but it's just one step at a time I guess.
Xx
Oh my days I could’ve written that myself. I have physical symptoms too, arm pain, weakness and tingling, feeling shaky, legs feel like they’re gonna ‘go’ but then don’t. The impending sense of doom doesn’t seem to lift once it’s settled does it? I watch my kids at night and cry that I can’t bear to think of leaving them.
The google thing is a massive problem for me, I put in my weakness and shaking and before I knew it I was on Parkinson’s and Motor Neurone Disease page. It’s endless worry. And yes I’m tired too, no matter how much sleep I get. My daughter has Pneumonia when she was 15 months old and altho repeatedly being told it wasn’t my fault blamed myself and didn’t sleep for days through worrying which of course made me symptoms multiply. It’s horrendous isn’t it.
One day at a time is all we have. I’ve kearned how to cope with panic attacks, I’ve not had a big one since 2010 where I was hospitalised and had CBT therapy same year. It’s always health problems that trigger it. I hate myself for letting it in. And hate feeling so alone. I feel a little better already having hear you say the same thing. Thank god im not alone in this, and thank you for being there xx
 
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Woody84

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Derby
#5
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
I'm so sorry for your loss, I've recently lost my dad to. So really do understand.
Your grieving and that will make everything seem worse.
Anxiety is horrible, life seems so scary especially when you lose a parent.
Here to listen anytime.
Hope you feel better very soon.
Take care
Thank you. I lost my mum too which was incredibly hard. I feel isolated. It doesn’t help as my mum was the only one who knew me and how to calm me down. I miss her so much. I feel a part of me died too.
The grief comes in waves. I think I need to give myself a good talking to. I feel like I want to be around people then when I’m around them I want to be at home? Then I worry I’ll die too sounds ridiculous saying it out loud I know, but it dominates me. Daily. I wish I could break that awful circle and thank you for being there x
 
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Han1318

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Berkshire
#6
I really feel for you because I understand just how debilitating the anxiety can be.
Yes I also came up with the same diagnosis when I stupidly googled the symptoms. I have banned myself from doing it now, however the damage is already done.
All we want is to live our lives without this huge fear ruining every moment. It feels like on my good days I shouldn't enjoy myself too much or feel too happy because something will come to change it.
As mothers I think we always tend to blame ourselves, I do exactly the same with my children. They've both had tummy bugs this week so my anxiety has been on red alert & blaming myself because I'm the one who had the bug first!
It's good to know that we're in the same boat as it does make me feel a little less crazy! We'll get through it! Xx