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I’m New Here - Any insight from veterans of OCD?

W

WilliamCG321

New member
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Jacksonville Florida
Good Evening All,

New to the forum, and hoping to get some insight into you alls experience with OCD, and just generally introduce myself.

so my entire life, really as far back as I can remember (childhood), I can remember dwelling on things intensely, more so than I believed “normal” people would. Those intense obsessions and periods of dwelling I could only describe as feeling like “guilt”.

i remember when I was a child, it would get so strong and painful, that I would run to my father and begin confessing everything I could, including my thoughts in hopes that “The Feeling” (as I called it when I was young) would subside.... but it never would.

some of the most prominent obsessions I’ve had in my life are fairly crazy to me... thinking that I would have a heart attack and pass out when driving thus flying off a bridge.

I had one about my sexuality as well. I was convinced that I was secretly homosexual, and obsessed over it so much that it would keep me up at nights (I’m not).



the most recent is the one that troubles me the most, and is the catalyst to my seeking treatment, as well as talking to like minded folks.I have a 14 month old son, and have had the thoughts cross my mind of “what if I hurt him”.The thoughts including graphic depictions in my head.Whenever those thoughts enter my head I break down in tears because I absolutely adore my son. It makes me feel like an awful human being, and like I’m some sort of closet monster. I would never hurt my son, but those damn “what if” thoughts plague me; and it’s driving me a bit crazy.

of course talking about these things also scares the bajesus out of me, because they’re so taboo in nature. Any insight from veterans of OCD? Thank you again for the add, and for reading my brief story
 
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TiredTina

TiredTina

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
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Jul 21, 2010
Messages
46,947
Location
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Hi and :welcome:

I’m so sorry to hear how badly you’re suffering with your OCD.

I also suffer with it but mine manifests itself as having to repeatedly check things. When I’m really bad I will check that something is switched off several times. I think that if I don’t do that then something bad will happen.

I can understand how having thoughts about possibly harming your son, even though you know you wouldn’t, must be unbearable for you. I wasn’t sure after reading your post whether you were already having treatment or if you’re looking into it. I’m sure that if you can get the right treatment things will start to get a lot easier for you. You won’t be the first person who has been in the situation you’re in now.

I really hope that you can get the help you need.
 
H

Helen1960

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 15, 2018
Messages
226
Location
Scotland
Good Evening All,

New to the forum, and hoping to get some insight into you alls experience with OCD, and just generally introduce myself.

so my entire life, really as far back as I can remember (childhood), I can remember dwelling on things intensely, more so than I believed “normal” people would. Those intense obsessions and periods of dwelling I could only describe as feeling like “guilt”.

i remember when I was a child, it would get so strong and painful, that I would run to my father and begin confessing everything I could, including my thoughts in hopes that “The Feeling” (as I called it when I was young) would subside.... but it never would.

some of the most prominent obsessions I’ve had in my life are fairly crazy to me... thinking that I would have a heart attack and pass out when driving thus flying off a bridge.

I had one about my sexuality as well. I was convinced that I was secretly homosexual, and obsessed over it so much that it would keep me up at nights (I’m not).



the most recent is the one that troubles me the most, and is the catalyst to my seeking treatment, as well as talking to like minded folks.I have a 14 month old son, and have had the thoughts cross my mind of “what if I hurt him”.The thoughts including graphic depictions in my head.Whenever those thoughts enter my head I break down in tears because I absolutely adore my son. It makes me feel like an awful human being, and like I’m some sort of closet monster. I would never hurt my son, but those damn “what if” thoughts plague me; and it’s driving me a bit crazy.

of course talking about these things also scares the bajesus out of me, because they’re so taboo in nature. Any insight from veterans of OCD? Thank you again for the add, and for reading my brief story
I feel so sorry for you. You're far from crazy. I have a terrible fear of killing myself. I think we all think our fear is the worst - I do anyway -. But everybody's fear is the worst.

I would suggest you look at a site called OCD Action. They have lots of information.

Best wishes
Helen
 

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