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I’m lost and confused with my relationship

T

trying_my_best

Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2019
Messages
10
Location
england
Hi I hope I can get some help and advice on my messed up relationship that is controlling my life

I met my girlfriend about 2 years ago ,we we’re friends for a year before getting in a relationship,in that time she told me she had feelings but I wasn’t ready for a relationship as trusting someone for me takes time ,when we did get together it’s like she lost interest,she was cold and it all seemed one sided
Weeks into the relationship we broke up for a few days but then got back together ,(she’s my first love)
However I found she had been texting a guy she dated before ,the worst part was the lieing about it
But we put it aside and carried on ,
3 months later she I find out a male friend was sending inappropriate texts yet she denied it and had deleted the texts ,we split up for 5 months in which time I had a breakdown ,lost my job ,turned to drink etc
Then she came back to ask for another try so we did ,
Again she was cold an admitted she had left me to defend her friend who had sent the texts ,but I forgive her and we carried on we were on and off from there for months then split ,

I later find out from a friend that the week she came back to try again she was also texting and sending nudes to a guy she met the week before ,and she was now messaging him again now we’d split up and said to him I was weird (mental health ) a stalker and she doesn’t like me ,

She came back to “sort things “ and told me she doesn’t think she loves me but might one day ,that she lost respect for me after I treated her nice and that I’m weird because of my mental health and overthinking ,yet I wonder sometimes if she has issues of her own, I’ve tried to get her to open up about it but she never seems to want to talk through anything properly or see any fault in the things she’s done ,she shifts the blame and has zero empathy for the hurt she caused me
I said I couldn’t be with her if she sees me like that ,but I can’t seem to let go of her and constantly try to find reasins for her behaviour and wonder if it’s my illness that contributes to it ,
She’s come back again this week and said she does love me and said she didn’t to help me ??
And now wants to try again promising it’ll be different this time and I honestly don’t know what to do ,I still love her but when I think of everything she can’t care about me can she ?
She’s not a very emotional person and blames lack of affection when she was younger but I here that many excuses I don’t know what to believe ,
I don’t know what to do for the best and I feel pathetic for how I’ve let it destroy my life and cost me so much but can’t decide what the right choice is and I’m constantly running over everything in my mind overthinking all the details
Any advice would be appreciated
 
Parayana

Parayana

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,388
I think you need to give up on your relationship with this girl, she's obviously doing you no good, I've been in a couple of toxic relationships, I'd end it if I were you for the sake of your mental health. I'm nearly fifty now and there is always someone around the corner.
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 9, 2019
Messages
501
Location
somewhere between here and there
However I found she had been texting a guy she dated before ,the worst part was the lieing about it
But we put it aside and carried on She came back to “sort things “ and told me she doesn’t think she loves me but might one day ,that she lost respect for me after I treated her nice and that I’m weird because of my mental health and overthinking ,yet I wonder sometimes if she has issues of her own, I’ve tried to get her to open up about it but she never seems to want to talk through anything properly or see any fault in the things she’s done ,she shifts the blame and has zero empathy for the hurt she caused me /QUOTE]


It doesn't look good -- too many big red flags, especially the zero empathy thing. It is up to you, of course, but if you don't feel loved and aren't getting your needs met, you would be better off letting her go
 
T

trying_my_best

Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2019
Messages
10
Location
england
I just always look for the good I think then I’m constantly wondering if I expect too much ? Looking for reasons she would do those things ,the fact she keeps coming back in a way makes me confused ,thank you both for your advice I appreciate you taking the time
 
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