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I’m in need of some serious life advice. 💢 What can I do?

ineedabettername

ineedabettername

New member
Joined
Aug 30, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Canada
I don’t really know how to begin so I apologize in advance if this sounds rather scrambled. I’m a 21 year old male, and I’ve dealt with severe social/generalized anxiety & depression since I was a young child, not to mention multiple hospital visits as a teenager. I have accomplished next to nothing notable, I have a couple hobbies/passions but I’ve lost touch with them quite a bit over the years. I never finished high school, not even close. I’ve been unable to obtain employment that I could handle longer than a couple weeks. Last year, I endured a rough breakup with someone whom I was with for about 3 years. I treated her horribly, and I believe alcohol played a big role in that, along with my constant inability to make improvements within myself. I recently gave up drinking & smoking, in a desperate attempt to make any kind of change. I don’t have a car, just my beginners license. I don’t yet have enough experience to obtain my full license. I still live with my mother, and I’m dependant on her financially. My dad has never really been in the picture. For quite a while now, I’ve found myself in a robotic state. I don’t experience the gut wrenching, emotional turmoil depression that I experienced as a teenager; it’s manifested itself as a numbness, keeping me trapped in my comfort zone.. which isn’t very comfortable. I spend most days on my phone, going through socials, going for walks, swiping through Tinder, etc. I’ve also managed to develop a porn addiction, which eats away a good portion of my time too.
I find that I’m completely invisible to women, as if I’m the lowest of the low type of male. I’m not a bad looking guy, but I’m very skinny & can’t maintain a conversation with people I first meet. I have “Alpha” male friends who show women confidence, and bring them over like it’s nothing to them, but I’ve always been the introverted type. I tell myself that I need to work on other priorities before even thinking of women, but I don’t even know what my priorities are anymore. I don’t know where to start.
I feel so lost, and it seems as though everyone only comes around when they need something from me. Even the ones who have a job, and know that I don’t. I feel like it’s too late for me to go back to school, and even if I did, I’ll remember the countless times I’ve attempted & failed in the past because I had zero willpower.
 
D

Deleted member 92692

Guest
Thats alot to deal with at your age. Baby steps first. Identify your most debilitating problem and work on that first. One thing at a time one day at a time. You should definitely think about talking to a doc too
 
AlwaysinCrown

AlwaysinCrown

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2020
Messages
2,272
Location
Poland
Eh, your situation looks very hard. I'm in similar one but it's caused by my illness, especially epilepsy. There's really hard to find a job if you have an epilepsy in Poland, you even can't have driver license and I don't go alone as I can have an attack.
Don't worry, so called Alpha Male is a social construct. There're different types of males. Your additions to porn and Tinder look like beginning of sex addition. Maybe you can find any sexologist, first?
How about learning, it's never too late. I hope there're any courses for adults in your area. I'm not sure if there're adult schools in your region,if so ,you can continue your education there.
 
J

Jrchmn

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 17, 2018
Messages
119
First step sit down with your mum and have a chat about what contribution you can make to your household.
Second step is to think about this porn addiction. Realistically is it an addiction or is it fulfilling a need? You may be able to find helpful advice on line for this. In terms of accessing a talking therapy through your doctor the wait is likely to be unacceptably long. You may be able to get access to some kind of pastoral support when you return to education.
Last step. There are many free on line courses through future learn etc. Complete a few of these for your own interest and self esteem. Once you’re clocking up a few hours study a week you’ll know it’s time to look into restarting your education. If you’re in the UK I think you will be entitled to study at a local college for free if you haven’t got any qualifications yet. Your local college should be happy to give you advice on this when you’re ready as if you’re entitled to courses they will get money from the government for providing them.
At you’re age you have huge potential. There are a lot of opportunities only open to younger people. You’re entitled to those opportunities go find them.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,225
I tell myself that I need to work on other priorities before even thinking of women, but I don’t even know what my priorities are anymore. I don’t know where to start.
I think if it were me I would take stock at where I am in life right now... Forgetting about material things, I'd be more focussed on my direction in life (e.g. work vs education, contributing to family life/those closest to me, and giving my life purpose, which may mean developing skills etc. to fulfill that purpose). The purpose might not be a long term thing, follow your instinct and see where it takes you :) As for the areas of your life that you aren't happy about, take action and turn things around, you are only 21, look to the future rather than the past :)
 
P

Prycejosh1987

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
619
Location
UK
I’ve attempted & failed in the past because I had zero willpower.
This is the problem, not you, but the fact that you do not have willpower. When it comes to any type of relationship. There must be willpower.
 
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