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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I’m going to end it soon, hopefully.

B

Beautifuldarkfsntasy

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I really can’t take it anymore. I know I said this a million times before, but I really want to end it.

I’m really tired of living with my dad whose controlling, negative and doesn’t care. for example, he’s religious and would hate me if I wasn’t. He’d probably kick me out if he knew how I feel. he’s done a lot to put me down in my life, and I barely talk to him. And his reaction to that is to tell everyone that I don’t care about him, and that I don’t give a shit about anyone. He tells me that my brother cares about him, and I don’t care at all. He tries to make me feel really bad about it. But I don’t talk to him because I’ve noticed him do so much bad stuff. Even to my mom.
I love my mom but she thinks suicide is a sin, and the one time 5 years ago that I told her that I wanted to die she got mad at me. My sister was like the one person I could go to, but we had this argument over political shit, and she said she wouldn’t talk to me based on who I wanted to vote for. I had to retract and say no I’m not voting for that person just so I could keep the peace cuz I didn’t want anyone else knowing. And then I was also close with my cousin year ago. He lives down stairs, he was the worst. He blamed me for depression and was very toxic. And also my brother told me to kill myself once and I’m not over it. So yep, I’ve been thru a lot. I been bullied in school too. I’ve been bullied since a kid. I have a lot of issues there. I just feel like literally everyone has treated me like shit in my life. BUT PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU they say. Nope they only care once you’re dead.

my only other option is to become homeless when I telL my dad my true feelings. But idk, I don't want to be homeless at all! So I think I’m going to end it all soon..... idc how much it hurts. Just would be better than existing.

and not to discourage any of the comments on his thread but I’m super annoyed with the internet Too. Ppl just tell you life is meaning if you give it, and that Suicide isn't worth it. But really? Suicide is worth it.Why do I have to circle around in meaninglessness for nothing? Just because it’ll make people feel bad? People who don’t even care about me?
 
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daffy

daffy

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I’m so sorry to hear that your feeling so bad about yourself. Do you have a MH team that you could talk to. I think you need to get some help as soon as possible. We are all her to listen to you
 
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bpd2020

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It is so hard not being able to be yourself due to family not understanding. I know we have spoken about options for you to move out. I believe that could be the start to you feeling better. I really do understand why you want to end your life. It is hard being in pain. You have people on here who care about you. I know you may not have people who understand you in your life but this does not mean you will not meet like minded people later on.
 
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Beautifuldarkfsntasy

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It is so hard not being able to be yourself due to family not understanding. I know we have spoken about options for you to move out. I believe that could be the start to you feeling better. I really do understand why you want to end your life. It is hard being in pain. You have people on here who care about you. I know you may not have people who understand you in your life but this does not mean you will not meet like minded people later on.

Thanks, but in terms of moving out. I really dont got anywhere or money. It is probably my fault but IDk. I have to put up with this for years until i get the oppourtunity to leave, and what if im not assertive enough to tell my dad my real feelings? its all too much
 
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bpd2020

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Are there any organisations that could house you? In the UK we have housing for people who are unable to work.
 
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Beautifuldarkfsntasy

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Are there any organisations that could house you? In the UK we have housing for people who are unable to work.
I don't think so. Anyways Im scared to go at it alone. That's why I wanted to get older save moeny and then try to get on my own. but IDK if it's worth doing, or just dying
 
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bpd2020

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I understand how scary it is to move out. If you think staying with your family is better then I can see your point. For me I was very frightened to move out and I lived in a hostel for 18 months. I did find it scary but it really was better then being with my family. I know everybody feels differently though.

I do not want you to end your life. I get a sense from talking to you that you are somebody I like and somebody I feel can have a happier future. You are just beginning your journey and things can change.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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There's a chance your life could get better down the road. You might not see it that way, but maybe you have some hope for that?
 
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Beautifuldarkfsntasy

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I understand how scary it is to move out. If you think staying with your family is better then I can see your point. For me I was very frightened to move out and I lived in a hostel for 18 months. I did find it scary but it really was better then being with my family. I know everybody feels differently though.

I do not want you to end your life. I get a sense from talking to you that you are somebody I like and somebody I feel can have a happier future. You are just beginning your journey and things can change.

Thank you. Something good happened actually. I journaled how I feel and felt a lot better. I realized the main issue I had was judging myself for the future when my dad bullies me and tells everyon im a bad person for not being religious. But I realized when i get older maybe ill be strng enough to detach myself from that. What do you think? Do you think i'm likely to become more able in the future to tell him how I really feel?
 
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Beautifuldarkfsntasy

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There's a chance your life could get better down the road. You might not see it that way, but maybe you have some hope for that?
Yes, maybe so. I feel better somewhat. If you look at what I said above you can see I'm seeing it a bit differently
 
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bpd2020

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Thank you. Something good happened actually. I journaled how I feel and felt a lot better. I realized the main issue I had was judging myself for the future when my dad bullies me and tells everyon im a bad person for not being religious. But I realized when i get older maybe ill be strng enough to detach myself from that. What do you think? Do you think i'm likely to become more able in the future to tell him how I really feel?
I am happy to hear journaling has helped you. It is up to you if you wanted to tell your dad you are not religious. He may not need to ever know as your beliefs are personal to you. You are not a bad person for not being religious. You are free to believe whatever you want to.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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That's good. When you feel better you see things differently. Mood is a strange powerful thing.
Yes, maybe so. I feel better somewhat. If you look at what I said above you can see I'm seeing it a bit differently
 
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Beautifuldarkfsntasy

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I am happy to hear journaling has helped you. It is up to you if you wanted to tell your dad you are not religious. He may not need to ever know as your beliefs are personal to you. You are not a bad person for not being religious. You are free to believe whatever you want to.
True, but thats the issue with my dad HE would hate me if im not religious and wants us all to live religious lives and he controls a lot. I want out of this but when i get older is my only shot i cant rn. Plus im not an asssertive person. and even tho i got some more hppe to do it in the future im sad i have to deal with this for more years
 
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Beautifuldarkfsntasy

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That's good. When you feel better you see things differently. Mood is a strange powerful thing.
It really is, but im still scared i wont be able to get the freedom from my dad.......... im less scareed cuz of journaling but idk. My life is trash
 
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bpd2020

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True, but thats the issue with my dad HE would hate me if im not religious and wants us all to live religious lives and he controls a lot. I want out of this but when i get older is my only shot i cant rn. Plus im not an asssertive person. and even tho i got some more hppe to do it in the future im sad i have to deal with this for more years
My dad is also religious. He assumed I was too and was shocked when I told him I was not. As I did not live with him he had no power to do anything. It is horrible to be judged by our parents whom should love us unconditionally.
 
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