I’m exhausted

1

1e0g

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
8
Location
London
#1
Hi. I’m new to this and I needed to get this out. I hope someone can relate to how I feel. I’ve been struggling with my mental health for the last five years. All through my teens I’ve experienced suicidal thoughts. I have a great life. I have a good job, a boyfriend, a loving and supportive family, money. You may ask, why? Why is someone that has it all so unhappy? I ask myself the same. Well, when I was 15 I was raped. I was taken advantage of when under the influence of alcohol. He hasn’t faced any consequences for what he did to me . But this isn’t a sob story I don’t expect sympathy. What happened to me happened but what occurred after was even worse. I didn’t deal with it when it happened. And as I was so young I didn’t really come to terms with what had happened to me. It’s only now in my twenties that I am experiencing severe anxiety and depression. I don’t know if this is linked and maybe I’m stupid to ask if it is. But my life has slowly taken a turn for the worse. I overthink everything. I push my friends away. I’m always irritated and I lose my temper quickly so I get into arguments with those close to me. I lock myself away in my room and I cancel my plans because I’m scared of everything. Exercise doesn’t help. Alcohol doesn’t help. I just have this numb feeling inside of me. And it stays with me every day, 24/7. People always ask me what is wrong and I can’t explain why. Does anyone else feel like this?
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
41,118
Location
Lancashire
#2
:welcome: to the forum. I was raped once too and it was years later that I finally got therapy with Rape Crisis counselling service and it turned my life around. I remember that I thought I had coped and dealt with it but I hadn't at all. I was left frightened of so many areas of life and was short tempered with people.

I think that it starts with one thing like the rape and then others pile on top and you can't deal with them because of this raw wound inside that never healed. I strongly suggest you get good counselling for it.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
3,123
Location
Milky Way
#3
Welcome to the forum :welcome:

I do hope you can move past the rape *safe and non threatening hug here for you* :hug:
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,638
Location
USA
#4
Hi there.I'm sorry for what you experienced.Have you received any counseling/therapy to help you with it?Many times rape can cause PTSD so that's something you could possibly be diagnosed with so it's important to seek help.

BTW,welcome.
 
1

1e0g

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
8
Location
London
#6
:welcome: to the forum. I was raped once too and it was years later that I finally got therapy with Rape Crisis counselling service and it turned my life around. I remember that I thought I had coped and dealt with it but I hadn't at all. I was left frightened of so many areas of life and was short tempered with people.

I think that it starts with one thing like the rape and then others pile on top and you can't deal with them because of this raw wound inside that never healed. I strongly suggest you get good counselling for it.
So true,
Hi there.I'm sorry for what you experienced.Have you received any counseling/therapy to help you with it?Many times rape can cause PTSD so that's something you could possibly be diagnosed with so it's important to seek help.

BTW,welcome.
hi there. No I haven’t. If I’m honest I’ve been putting it off because I still live with my parents and I don’t want them to suspect that something is going on. The last thing I would want is for this to come out to my family. It would destroy them.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,638
Location
USA
#7
I'm sure your parents would want what's best for you though,right?

Would they even have to know what your counseling/therapy is about if you didn't want them to know?What is your fear of them finding out?

How old are you?
 
1

1e0g

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
8
Location
London
#8
Yeah you’re right they would. My fear of them finding out is how they would react. My mum is very sensitive and over protective of me and my siblings as it is. It’s just something I think I will take to the grave with me. Because the pain will all be too much for them. I’d rather carry the burden myself. But yeah I have thought about counselling. I’m based in London so I don’t know where to start, who to go to, what to say etc. But I think this is something which I need to address as it’s ruining my relationships/friendships because I’m so emotionally unstable.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,638
Location
USA
#9
Maybe you can seek counseling without them even knowing or possibly without them knowing the reason if they do find out you're going.You could just say you're struggling with anxiety or something?

There's a saying "we are only as sick as our secrets" and I do believe sharing what happened with a professional would be ideal for you.

Hugs
 
M

Mimi

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Swindon
#11
Hi. I’m new to this and I needed to get this out. I hope someone can relate to how I feel. I’ve been struggling with my mental health for the last five years. All through my teens I’ve experienced suicidal thoughts. I have a great life. I have a good job, a boyfriend, a loving and supportive family, money. You may ask, why? Why is someone that has it all so unhappy? I ask myself the same. Well, when I was 15 I was raped. I was taken advantage of when under the influence of alcohol. He hasn’t faced any consequences for what he did to me . But this isn’t a sob story I don’t expect sympathy. What happened to me happened but what occurred after was even worse. I didn’t deal with it when it happened. And as I was so young I didn’t really come to terms with what had happened to me. It’s only now in my twenties that I am experiencing severe anxiety and depression. I don’t know if this is linked and maybe I’m stupid to ask if it is. But my life has slowly taken a turn for the worse. I overthink everything. I push my friends away. I’m always irritated and I lose my temper quickly so I get into arguments with those close to me. I lock myself away in my room and I cancel my plans because I’m scared of everything. Exercise doesn’t help. Alcohol doesn’t help. I just have this numb feeling inside of me. And it stays with me every day, 24/7. People always ask me what is wrong and I can’t explain why. Does anyone else feel like this?
 
M

Mimi

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Swindon
#12

You haven't accepted what's happened to you.. maybe because you don't know how to ?? ...

But it's easier than you think..

It's as easy as saying to yourself I was raped..

Without realising it you are holding a resistance within and dening yourself if the freedom you deserve...
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,638
Location
USA
#13
You haven't accepted what's happened to you.. maybe because you don't know how to ?? ...

But it's easier than you think..

It's as easy as saying to yourself I was raped..

Without realising it you are holding a resistance within and dening yourself if the freedom you deserve...
I'm sorry but telling someone that getting over a significant trauma is easy is very unhelpful.No trauma is easy to deal with and if it was as easy as her saying to herself she was raped there wouldn't be anyone struggling with those types of things,there would be no rape trauma syndrome,there would be no PTSD,etc.

It takes working with a professional to process it and work through it in order to recover.And I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I felt not only was your reply dismissive to the OP but to anyone that experienced trauma.
 
Hofmannhope

Hofmannhope

New member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Germany
#14
I´v expirienced familiar things in my life. I´m dealing with a lot of panic. Some days feeling as if I cant border myself from things that sorrounding me. As if I´m soaking my enviorment up and I feel totally exhaustet all the time. My head feels as if there is a sleeping self inside of me. A little me that doesn´t want to see and want to sleep all the time. It pressures me down and meakes me feel anguished.
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
663
Location
Florida
#16
Just coming out on here with your past is opening the door. It has to be hard keeping things secret. I sure hope you get therapy The rape crisis center sounds like the best connection as they are well trained and know how to handle things so you will not feel guilty or ashamed ofwhat happened. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Please know my prays are with you and yours. Hugs
 
1

1e0g

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
8
Location
London
#17
Just coming out on here with your past is opening the door. It has to be hard keeping things secret. I sure hope you get therapy The rape crisis center sounds like the best connection as they are well trained and know how to handle things so you will not feel guilty or ashamed ofwhat happened. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Please know my prays are with you and yours. Hugs
Thank you so much for your kind words. Really appreciate them
 
1

1e0g

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
8
Location
London
#18
I´v expirienced familiar things in my life. I´m dealing with a lot of panic. Some days feeling as if I cant border myself from things that sorrounding me. As if I´m soaking my enviorment up and I feel totally exhaustet all the time. My head feels as if there is a sleeping self inside of me. A little me that doesn´t want to see and want to sleep all the time. It pressures me down and meakes me feel anguished.
I know how you feel. Panic is the most consuming feeling. It gets in the way of all your hopes/ plans/ dreams
 

Similar threads