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I’m afraid I ruined my life permanently and I’m depressed and panicking.

R

RussianCaliGirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
San Juan Capistrano
Hi everyone,

I’m having some sort of mid-twenties crisis, idk if that’s a thing. So I’ll hit 25 in September. Let me talk about my past a bit so you can understand what I’m going through.

I got straight A’s and I was on the honour roll in 6th and 7th grade. Then I got bullied. In high school I became one of the popular kids because I wanted to overcompensate. Why? Cause I was weak. Anyway, I partied drank and smoked weed with them. Failed and had to retake some classes. Graduated as a C student. When I hit 18 I got a minimum wage job as I went to community college part time. I became a domme in a BDSM community (money needed for toys, outfits were pricy, events), Also started raving ($ for festivals, concerts, drugs). I lived off my parents and used up all my money on this shit. I also found out I had Lyme disease at 19 which took one and a half years to get rid of. I also had untreated ADHD for most of the time. Life has fucked me in so many ways.



These days I’m thinking what could’ve been. I have a dream to become a psychiatrist and help people but at this point being a 25 year old ass who pissed away her future I’m afraid it’s too late. I definitely had the potential and all the chances and I cannot live with myself. I keep on thinking “What could’ve been” over and over. I’m afraid I peaked in high school and life’s gonna continue to suck from then on.



I’ll be 25 in September and people still tell me I have my whole life ahead of me. I have a plan to get my bachelors. I’ll get a full time job, continue working as a dominatrix and be a stripper too so I can come up with the money. I’d take it slow with med school (if I ever get in). Hopefully graduate when I’m 35-40. That’s the age I want to get it done by. I’m sorry to sound immature when I say this but I need to vent: I have doubts because I’m such an old ass bitch! 25 is too much I just can’t! I’m panicking.



If I don’t reach my full potential my guilt is going to eat me alive and destroy me. Is 25 too old or do I still have a chance?



Gosh I am trying so hard to not have a mental health crisis when I hit the horrendous age of 25.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
4,434
Location
England
I think doing a job like that might make you feel bad about yourself forever. I know two people that were escorts. One for fun and partying and one for drug money. The fun one, she is forever trying to keep people who know away from her husband and 4 children who are now teenagers. The one who was an addict, i don't know her well at all but she looked lost and was trying to get her life back.

It is a huge secret and weight to carry around with you.

25 is young. People study for new jobs at 40 here. Nursing, teaching, midwifery, paramedic. I'm not sure about psychiatry, it seems quite a difficult course to get on and takes years. What about psychologist? You could start with counsellor? or social worker?

You could even work a good job and volunteer for a charity or even work for a charity that helps children leaving care or women in refuges after abuse. There are so many opportunities out there and people who need support.

You could be a health care assistant in a hospital?
 
Antimatter

Antimatter

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2020
Messages
885
Location
UK
You havn't ruined anything, you have just done a bit of living.

Carry on and NEVER give up!
 
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