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Hyper Self Aware

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bluealbatross

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2021
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I suffered with OCD in the distant past, but i'm now largely ok, having self cured by seeking out and removing ritualistic behaviour. However this has left me very hyper self aware of behavioural minutae.

I am still paranoid about OCD being present in my behaviour, which can be crippling at times, especially as i am in retail sales!

It's pretty general, but by far the dominant obsession, which is my reason for writing is hands. Specifically when to do things 2 handed or 1. Several years ago i caught myself doing up my fly using 2 hands, and thought you are being over thorough, too regimented you should only use one hand. In my efforts to be less perfectionistic, i took it too far. I use 2 hands now, having decided to just copy other people and drop it. It has spread to other things though, pulling a chair in at a table crippled me for some time too, because again using 2 hands felt like overkill, yet everybody does it! My mind struggles with this because as with spectacles, sometimes people put them on 1 handed, and sometimes 2, so which do i choose!? I try and be spontaneous and not think about it too much. Holding and handling things from trays to burgers can give me anxiety.

I am ready to move away from hyper self awareness, and be more mindful and present, and in fairness much of the time i manage it, i am at my personal best. But sometimes as these tracks of thinking are well worn over years, i feel very depressed and anxious, and so i'd like to ask a few questions, just to get a helping hand.

How do you choose whether to perform a task 1 or 2 handed?, and what is your advice for the best way i can get out of this way of thinking and move on? Why do people do things with 2 hands that could easily performed with one?

I doubt anything which involves repetition for obvious reasons! So wishing somebody happy birthday via card, phone call and social media gives me palpitations! Your comment on that and why it's not OCD would be helpful to me.

I don't have any crippling rituals, but i do suffer with crippling self doubt and indecision.

Any feedback here would i'm sure give me a clearer perspective.
 
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2Much2Feel

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Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
619
Location
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Hey, and I'm sorry you're struggling with this. It sounds like it's causing a lot of stress.

I can relate in that when I started thinking too much about walking or breathing, it would mess up these very things b/c they are supposed to be done without thinking. So I know what you mean by once you start thinking about it, it then becomes something you can't stop thinking about b/c you know you shouldn't. I was having it b/c I was worried I was sick, had MS, couldn't walk right, couldn't breathe properly. I know the anxiety this stuff can take on.

That being said, I guess the only answer I have to your question is that we don't really know, we usually "just do it" without thinking too much, if it's something we do on a regular basis. Hence, the problem when we think about it too much. So I know this isn't advice or something useful to you, just want you to know I know what it's like, and I'm sure other people here do. Give it some time, some others will chime in, post again if you feel like you haven't gotten a response, but we're all on different time zones and all, makes it hard. I hope you get some relief from this, I hope you get some good advice here. It sounds like you've been successful in getting past other OCD behaviours, which is v encouraging. You've got it in you!
 
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bluealbatross

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2021
Messages
2
Location
uk
What a lovely reply, thanks for taking the time, it means a lot. Your answer is simple and brilliant, i will use "just do it" as my new daily mantra!
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
619
Location
US
What a lovely reply, thanks for taking the time, it means a lot. Your answer is simple and brilliant, i will use "just do it" as my new daily mantra!
Awesome. Glad you found it helpful. There are so many of us here who can relate, hope you find it useful :)
 

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