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husband with split personality/compulsive liar

Y

yellowdaisy

New member
Joined
Mar 26, 2010
Messages
4
Hi all, I found out that my husband has been lying to me about money and other things. He has had time and time again to tell the truth but he can't deal with things so he burys his head in the sand.
Even when I tell him it will be ok if he tells me the truth and I will stand by his side to sort things out and repay debts etc he still can't bring himself to tell the truth.
I think he is a compulsive liar and this has resulted in us nearly losing our family home, losing cars, and a new debt of over 18k for rent. He managed to hide all the evidence from me and i'm a housewife at home receiving the mail!
He is a lovely generous, kind man but he has this dark side and its like a person I don't know.
He has agreed to see a psyciatrist and wants me to go with him.
I have never coem across this before and I dont know what this is or what to expect.
can anyone shed some light on what this could be?
thanks
 
S

skyblue

Guest
Could he be struggling with some form of addiction, like gambling ?
 
Y

yellowdaisy

New member
Joined
Mar 26, 2010
Messages
4
I did find pages and pages of escort agencies just over a year ago but he denied it obviously. Its the only thing i can think of.

thanks for replying

Could he be struggling with some form of addiction, like gambling ?
 
iffybob

iffybob

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
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Location
England
I think your right .. untill you know what it is you are dealing with ... all you can do is guess ...

... if he has agreed to go and get help , and you feel you can go with him then do so ..

.. you may at lest learn what is going on ...

.. take care ... boB
 
S

skyblue

Guest
I did find pages and pages of escort agencies just over a year ago but he denied it obviously. Its the only thing i can think of.

thanks for replying
I'm sorry to hear that. You must have felt absolutely terrible to have found those.

It's ashame he won't open up to you, it must be really difficult, especially you knowing what seems to be the truth.

It's good that he's willing to get some help and I hope things manage to get solved. I also hope that one day he'll open up and talk to you about he's problems, it must be very frusturating for you and being in so much debt must be hell to live with.

Good luck with everything and I do hope things get better for the both of you.


:flowers:
 
Y

yellowdaisy

New member
Joined
Mar 26, 2010
Messages
4
thanks, its just really nice to have gotten it off my chest x

I'm sorry to hear that. You must have felt absolutely terrible to have found those.

It's ashame he won't open up to you, it must be really difficult, especially you knowing what seems to be the truth.

It's good that he's willing to get some help and I hope things manage to get solved. I also hope that one day he'll open up and talk to you about he's problems, it must be very frusturating for you and being in so much debt must be hell to live with.

Good luck with everything and I do hope things get better for the both of you.


:flowers:
 
M

maudikie

Guest
To yellow daisy.

This is hard for you.
Can you persuade our husband either to get financial advice, or to start working out a budget with you. You sound as though you could cope with this. You need to talk to one another and make decisions together.
I am afraid that at present there are many people in financial difficullties. I hope theGovernment and election will bring a new budget which will help those in difficulty.
Best wishes.:)
 
dib4uk

dib4uk

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Jul 23, 2009
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Location
south london,england
As someone already said maybe its an gambeling problem or some other form of addiction.

The only thing that i can think of is to get some help for him like gamberlers annoymous or help for his debts.

Regarding psychiatric issues he could be suffering from depression, biploa and finding that spending money is his way of coping with life.
 
S

socks

Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2010
Messages
6
Ive been though the same with my boyfriend, he hid the post the months, gambled, quit jobs and not tell me. Then he started having voices last year and went to see a psychiatrist but would lie and say he had been when he hadnt.
So maybe make sure he does go also i struggled to believe him about the voices after all the lies.............. anyway he has now been sectioned after a "problem with the police" eek so i no what ur going though

Im sick of hearing keep ur chin up! when i just want to cry :(
 
S

socks

Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2010
Messages
6
i do end up forgiving every lie though as i love him but the debts are getting out of hand now!
 
cloudberry

cloudberry

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Founding Member
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Jan 26, 2008
Messages
409
Location
North Lincolnshire
My mum has gone through this type of thing first with my dad and now with her female partner. Lying, running up debts. With dad he was lying about women, other women and so on. she quit.

With her now current (20 years) partner, who runs up incredible credit card debts behind her back, she has taken control of the mail and passwords to the online bank accounts to keep checking.

I had one small type of this thing happen to me. An ex partner told me he had a gambling problem - like 195K of problem in the last two years. Now that is a problem!

But the thing is he told me.

I left him in the end, not because of his gambling. he wanted to stop and as far as I knew he did. He gave me all his passwords and I kept checking his accounts for over six months. He was incredibally neurotic in many other ways though and was being cruel to my cats, so I had to leave him.

We never did find out what Susan spent all that money on her credit cards, but it night have been sexual services. As there was no evidence of books, or cars or anything else you could actually see, and she doesnt take drugs.

What it seems to be is a secret side of a person. Personally I couldnt live with it, but we all make our choices in life. And we all need people to stick by us when we are not in a balanced state.

Sorry I cant be much help, except to tell you this is not that unusual. Mumj and Susan are still together and have worked something out these last ten years I guess.

There is hope!

Love and blessings, cloudberry
 
M

maudikie

Guest
maudikie.

I think credit cards were the worst invention ever. If anyone is getting into debt with these and they can persuade thier son, daughter, partner, or whoever, to pass them over - pay them off and then destroy them I think they will be helping the person in debt and themelves. It is difficult when ther holder is an adult, and they have the personality which says "I want - must have". the best thing to do is really persuade them to get professional financial advice, as it is going to get harder until the National finances are sorted.
 
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