Husband with anxiety has suddenly he wants to leave me

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Sara83

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#21
I’m all ready to try anything but my husband has said he just doesn’t want to be with me and wants to be on his own. He has just stormed off and gone for a drive. I feel he just needs peace with me being in the same living space as him he won’t get any better. He just sees anything I do as irritating wrong.

Think it’s best me and my son move out even if it’s for a few months.
 
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NorasDad

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#22
Wow, that is a brave decision - and so painful for everyone.

Your husband won't actually feel better, even if he thinks he will, but what can you say?

When your inner world gets so painful that you stop thinking about your effect on the people close to you, it's a terrible thing. Shifting the furniture around (as it were) can reduce the stress level (I'm thinking of doing the same thing, but I would have to be the one to leave and I just can't leave my daughter) but it kind of just puts off the larger issues

Ah well.

Be brave and make sure your son understands that his father is very confused right now and grown-ups will say weird things when they're confused.

Right now my partner is just not understanding that before I had NO understanding as to why my emotions would stay so intense for so long and why I couldn't let anything go. This new OCD diagnosis has just completely changed life for me. 40+ years of going down wrong tracks and constantly failing to come up with answers has nearly killed me with frustration. And make now mistake, I have hurt some feelings along the way. Sadly, I could probably empathize with your husband all too easily if we talked.

But then there comes a moment when you start to figure things out. Hopefully it's not too late, right?
 
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Sara83

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#23
If you don’t mind me asking are you on medication? If so do you think it has helped? Helped the way you deal with situations , deal with people, you partner, daughter etc.

I’m so conflicted in terms of what I want to do. Last night I was adamant that I wanted to move out and get some space from my husband. But today just not sure if it’s a good idea to leave him the way he is even though he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Just don’t want him to feel like everyone has abandoned him. He is being so defensive and always pushing me away.
 
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NorasDad

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#24
If you don’t mind me asking are you on medication? If so do you think it has helped? Helped the way you deal with situations , deal with people, you partner, daughter etc.

I’m so conflicted in terms of what I want to do. Last night I was adamant that I wanted to move out and get some space from my husband. But today just not sure if it’s a good idea to leave him the way he is even though he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Just don’t want him to feel like everyone has abandoned him. He is being so defensive and always pushing me away.
I've had wonderful relief from escitalopram and buspirone. It's absolutely changed my ability to deal with people and my way of thinking about stressful situations.

Defensiveness is just part of anxiety. What kind of help is your husband getting, if you don't mind my asking.
 
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Sara83

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#25
Sorry for the late reply. Well my husband had gone to the doctors but they said he was fine. He had gone before work so was dressed quite smartly so I suggested he go for a 2nd opinion. He refused and said he will go when he is wants. Doesn’t help that we can’t rely on our doctors. I really think medication will help. So at the moment he is getting no help.

This weekend he has been relatively ok but asked me earlier what things I be taking when I move out. I’m trying ever so hard but just don’t know what else to do. I have been advised to call his doctors up to say that this is the effect he is having our home life , our marriage etc . So will see if that helps. Also perhaps doing an intervention with my family and his but focus entirely on him and his mental health. Do you think this is a good idea?
 
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NorasDad

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#26
Sorry for the late reply. Well my husband had gone to the doctors but they said he was fine. He had gone before work so was dressed quite smartly so I suggested he go for a 2nd opinion. He refused and said he will go when he is wants. Doesn’t help that we can’t rely on our doctors. I really think medication will help. So at the moment he is getting no help.

This weekend he has been relatively ok but asked me earlier what things I be taking when I move out. I’m trying ever so hard but just don’t know what else to do. I have been advised to call his doctors up to say that this is the effect he is having our home life , our marriage etc . So will see if that helps. Also perhaps doing an intervention with my family and his but focus entirely on him and his mental health. Do you think this is a good idea?

Well, it could be very good, but it will be problematic. This is only because an ethical doctor will only allow an "information IN" conversation. I would absolutely do it sooner rather than later.

Definitely - DEFINITELY - make an appointment with a relationship counsellor. All relationship counseling is ultimately "make-up" or "break-up" counseling and I don't think it matters much which way you go into it, as long as both people are committed to honesty and finding the best accommodation in the future. So tell him YOU need "break-up" counseling. If HE is being sensible and you are being naive then of course he won't have any problem telling a counsellor. It will be obvious from the first (my guess is that it won't).

It's also just a good idea in general. PM me.
 

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