Husband threatened suicide HELP

[Oregon]

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. The last 6 mos have been very stressful on our marriage. We have had financial issues, step children issues, medical issues. We have fought constantly for 6 mos. We have 6 children ages: 21 boy, 20 boy, 18 boy, 18 girl, 15 girl, 12 boy. The 21 and 18 year old girl does not live with us. The 18 year old girl is my sons daughter who has played havoc on our marriage. So 2 mos ago I told him that I thought we needed to separate as it wasn't healthy for the kids and us to fight constantly. He threatened suicide by driving himself and I to the beach and help a gun to his head. Well of course I stayed and didn't tell anyone like he asked me too. Well 5 days ago I told him again that to better our marriage we needed to separate so that we could both work on our individual problems. His response was, he got the gun and held it to his head again in our kitchen and was going to do it in front of me. My 20 year old got involved and took the gun away. I don't know what to do. I do love him but feel that things go good for a few days then were back to the same routine.

My problem is this if I do leave him and he does commit suicide then I am to blame and how do I live with myself?
My 18 year old said he would do it also? Do I take the risk of losing both family members?

I am very angry at my husband right now. I cannot even look at him. I don't understand how if you love someone how you would even put them in that situation? How could he even think about killing himself in our home in front of me?

 

[mad as a hatter]

2 me this is emotional blackmail so u will stay it,s his responsibility if he kills himself certainly not yours and wouldn,t be ur fault in ne way but obviously i can,t tell u if u should stay or not sounds like ur husband needs some help 2 try get him 2 go c his gp

 

[*Sapphire*]

Oregan, I think you need to speak to someone face to face about this.

Perhaps a counsellor or your doctor or someone within the police or social services if you have them. Personally I think having a gun in the house with a twelve year old is not safe at all, especially when the parent is threatening suicide with it.

You need to put your childrens welfare above your husbands right now, and try to get them away from that situation. I can not imagine seeing your dad hold a gun to his head is very healthy for a child to see.

If you can, speak to a professional about how you might separate without the consequences you describe if that is what you decide to do. And before you do so, get rid of, or lock the gun away somewhere he can't get at it and make sure there is someone else there with you.

But seriously I think you need to alert someone to your husbands condition, as well as your 18 year olds sons for your own safety as well as your childrens.

 

[schiz01]

Hi Oregon
Sounds like a very difficult and delicate situation.It would be hard for anyone to advise with out knowing all the facts.
Threats of suicide should be taken seriously and you really need to get some outside help.
Family counseling with a psychologist would be a good place to start.
Is there any chance of him agreeing to go if you set up an appointment.

 

[rasselas]

...

hi oregon

respect to you for coming forward with this. it couldn't have been easy.

I'm blown away at how tense and painful it must all be. it's terrible.

i think you've got to keep the momentum going. your husband is, by anyone's definition, not thinking in arational way and he doesn't sound too stable. his threat of killing himself should be taken seriously on more than the level of that - how do you know that if you called his bluff or that he suspected you were calling his bluff that he wouldn't go ape and turn his gun away from himself and point it at someone else?

I agree with what sapphire has said but I'd underline that anyone you approach will be very shocked and concerned and will take this very seriously - because it really is very serious for everyone involved.

you've got to trust your instincts - get help and ensure you and the children as well as your husband are all safe. you might take flak in the short-term from one direction and another but in the long-term no rational person - even your husband - would deny that you didn't do the right thing.

it's what any mother and any wife must do. the greatest kindness you can do to your husband and your family and yourself is tell the authorities how he is aggressively holding you to ransom.

Good luck and be wise!

 

[Clementina]

Explain to him, that you love him, and don't want him to die and that he is worth something.


DO things to make him feel worth something, and like you care about him.

Explain, to him his death will be traumatizing to some people.

Believe me, that helps, it helped with me anyway.

Explaining what mental disorder, or mental disorders he has, may help us with giving advice.