Husband/ Sister

[robbie]

Hi. My Husband who i married a few years ago seems to be very close indeed to his married sister, even sharing bank accounts, have shares in the same companies. She can do no wrong. All this is making me worried.Iv mentioned it before. If i didnt have my son i would leave. He was a batchelor until 55 years old when i married him. I never knew how close they were. Im so sad. He even gave her the car he bought for me and i cant seem to forgive him. I have suffered from PTSD and lost everything. I ask for support. I dont know what to do. Best wishes, sorry this is so silly.xx

 

[Dollit]

I know you've talked about this before Robbie. The fact is that your husband is close to his sister. He didn't marry until he was 55 and so it's not really unreasonable for him to form a close association outside the realms of a romantic relationship. And he has a high opinion of her. I know that this worries you a great deal but it shouldn't really. It's you he married. It's a bit insensitive if he gave her a car he had supposed to have bought for you but it is his money and he can do with it as he chooses. Perhaps you should focus on what is good in your marriage and not what you can't understand in his relationship with his sister? It's not a silly or stupid problem if it affects you but sometimes the answers have to come from our selves and from our attitudes.

 

[robbie]

To Dollitt

Thankyou.My problem is always one of loss. Now my loved youngest daughter who lives with her Dad has refused to stay with us anymore because i told her off for trashing her room here. I couldnt get to London to see eldest two daughters, who i rarely see, because no one could care for son who refused to come with me. Tonight i feel im bashing my head on a wall of something or other and im in a real mess. Take care allof you, dont get too wet with all of the rain!

 

[Dollit]

Robbie - just focus on the things you can change. It's hard but it's all any of us can do.

 

[robbie]

Dollitt

Thankyou again.I think i need to change the way i look at things.Just try to focus on the positives.I want to find some work whilst my son is at school, might distract me from worrying over things i cant change.eg Hubbie and Sister, and kids living all over the country. It gets v difficult to keep up the communication if any tiny thing goes wrong.Hope you are well and happy. We have the most laid back cat. Alfie is like Dylan in The Magic Roundabout- remember ? Lots of hugs to you too.

 

[Dollit]

Now I don't do the god bit but at AA they say this and it's good advice

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Wise advice.

 

[robbie]

Dollitt

Yes, it is good advice. Im afraid i panic and feel guilty if i upset people.Perhaps its time to stop feeling so guilty, unless something is my fault of course, and to work on the panic. Sleep well and i hope tomorrow will be a good day for you. We are battling through the Easter Hols, my son, being on his own, hates holidays so we have to be fairly inventive finding things to do. Hugs once again.xx

 

[Dollit]

You take care and remember that you have personal power to help you.

 

[maudikie]

Robbie.

I wonder what the age difference is between you and your husband? Sounds as though i might be quite a bit.
Have you tried talking to your husband about your feelings? Pick a quiet time and perhpas suggest that just the two of you go out on a celebration perhaps of a birthday or wedding aniversary.
You could also suggest the you and your husband and his sister make up a threesome to go somewhere.
How old is your son? Can he be left on his own, or would you need a sitter?

 

[robbie]

Thankyou

Thankyou for replying.I think this situation will never change so i must accept it.Take care and goodnight to you.x

 

[maudikie]

Robbie.

Don't be so down beat! Give it a try.

 

[companion]

Hi Robbie,

I can imagine you are feeling low at the moment and worried about what the right thing to do is. However, you have some good advice here and as Dollit said "he married you for a reason". He would never have married you if he did not want to be with you.

Every relationship has its problems - its highs and lows. The thing is with relationships, if you have had positive relationships in the past then this will transfer to future relationships: negative past relationships mean negtive transferrence for future relationships. That is, peoples past experiences of relationships often blur the future ones: every relationship is different. Of course, that might not be your experience, but it worth considering why you may feel like you do.

I would probably feel insecure if my partner had that kind of relationship with a sibling, but at the end of the day they are a sibling, not an ex or a close friend. Look at the positives, you have a son that you love very much and I would assume he loves very much too. He may have given the car to his sister as opposed to you (that is insensitive), but men do these things.

I hope this helps.

Take care

Companion