Husband Sectioned

RC2210

RC2210

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#1
Today has been rough.

I posted yesterday to say I had requested an MHA assessment for my husband and today things took a turn for the worse. His biggest fear is going back to hospital ... And now because of me that's exactly where he is.

It all kicked off this morning.. And lots of screaming, aggression, broken property, 7 police officers and 2 doctors later he was taken from the house fighting to stay out of the place he feels is a prison.

I am not allowed to see him today not do I think he would even want to see me.
He has discarded his wedding ring and screamed that he will never forgive me. And I am just hoping and wishing that his words are empty and that after this episode passes that he realises I had to do it for him, for his safety and to help him.

This is not the first time he has been sectioned but it has been years and lots of hard work to stop it happening again. I feel he is back to stage 1 and that this time I have gone too far...it is the first time I have personally made that call. I'm scared that he might never understand.

Feel like I'm grieving for the possibility this act could end our marriage and I feel sick, lonely and completely terrified.
 
Unique1

Unique1

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#2
Hi RC2210.

I was so sorry to read your post here. That must be so difficult for you.

Please try not to feel he is in hospital because of you.
He is not well right now.
He needs help right now and support to help him.
I'm sure when he feels better he will understand it all a lot better.
I wanted to say I'm so sorry for what you are going through and I'm wishing better times for you.
The forum here is a great support, but I do hope you can seek out support to help you through this time..
With good wishes
Unique1 xx
 
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RC2210

RC2210

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#3
Thanks Unique1 x

He did need to go to hospital, it's just a hard thing to be the one to set it in motion knowing how much it scares him. Just really hoping he can understand and know that I love him. Just want so much to give him a hug and tell him not to be afraid. I slipped a note into his bag so I hope he gets it.

Tomorrow is our anniversary so hopefully they will allow me to see him and I will know then that he is okay!
 
Unique1

Unique1

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#4
Oh my , feel emotional reading your reply.
I'm sure he will understand what a lovely caring wife you are, bless you.
I hope he reads your note, but he will know when he's in a better frame of mind I'm sure.
Yes it must be hard being the one to set it in motion , it really must be, I'm sorry you had to be the one. But you did it because you love him and it is to help him.

Hope they let you see him on your anniversary.
Let us know how it goes.
Unique xx
 
B

barry

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#5
Feeling for you XXX

Love comes from the heart and that's at the centre of your being , while it still beats he will feel it .

Words come from the mouth and are just sounds lost in the wind . The mouths near the brain , right now it can't be relied upon to be correct and true as its clouded and askew .

And as for a wedding ring , it's nothing more than a ring of metal, on a finger of a hand .


While I was working away the one I love gave me her teddy to hold while I couldn't hold her . She had left a note in it saying I love you and it was the greatest thing someone could have given me . I'll forever regret tearing it up in the last argument we had . But she'll never leave my heart .

If you can , try not to be at home right now . I'm sure the place reminds you of everything . If you can , try and stay with someone for a change of location . Someone that doesn't mind that your physically there while obviously mental elsewhere .

XXX
 
Poopy Doll

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#6
RC2210 Hello. I think that was good advice to go to a friends house or someplace other than home. I nearly cried when I read your post. I personally know how scared he is of the hospital. But what else could you do? I sincerely hope everything works out for you both.
 
S

Stray

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#7
Your husband is lucky to have you, be kind to yourself. You did good, although it must be hard to feel that just now xx
 
RC2210

RC2210

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#8
Thank you everyone for your support and kind words.

Barry, you are so eloquent and your words made me feel stronger.
Im staying with his parents this evening; it's close to work and life goes on so I have to go back tomorrow. Not ideal but I can only try.

Change of scenery is good - our house is trashed anyway. Clean up duty at the weekend. I do feel like I want to be on my own tonight though. Lots of people here and I feel like running away and hiding under the duvet for a good cry.

Seriously though, thank you all again. I really appreciate it and reading the posts made me smile properly for the first time today.

Hope all of you have great evenings. Sending love to all of you x
 
H

Harper

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#9
Just keep reminding yourself that you did the right thing for someone you really love and care for. When he is fully well he will realise this and not hold it against you.

I was sectioned and when well and on reflection it was the only way forward even though I absolutely hated being in the hospital. I reassured the people involved in the process that they did the right thing. After a month in hospital, I left feeling so much better.

A day at a time and hopefully he will recover and your relationship will not be adversely affected. x
 
RC2210

RC2210

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#10
You are all truly awesome people.
Feeling very lucky that I found this forum. I don't think I would have got through the day without the encouragement xoxoxox
 
B

barry

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#11
Thanks , I do try :) Often get called a gentleman , which is very contrary to the way I present my appearance . Maybe I should stop looking so hagard lol

Hoping Harper will agree or disagree because they have experience with being "in the bed " as it were . But my thoughts are your husband might not want you to try and see him quite so soon and will be the one whom wants to initiate the contact ? . He's pushed you away because of the feeling of betrayal and by trying to be there he may just react and want to push harder even though in his heart he doesn't want to . Let the doctors know you want to contact him as soon as he wants to be contacted and be there ready for when he does . My other thought is , if you have a way of filming , such as a phone or camera or webcam etc . Each day your apart do a quick video saying you love him , what's happening , anything nice that comes to mind , even if its only a brief quick 10 seconds , so when he is ready you could show him that while you were apart and away , you never stopped thinking of him and theres a way he can see that .

If your getting claustrophobic , step outside and look up . Take a big deep breath of that clean , crisp air . It's the same sky your both still under , the same air your still breathing together . It's just a little bit of distance and a little bit of time .

XXX
 
RC2210

RC2210

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#12
Often the ones that don't appear that way have the biggest hearts!

If previous sections are anything to go by then he will want at least a couple of days. I did call the ward just to make sure he had settled in; he had been given a sedative and was fast asleep. At least I know he's resting and calm so that counts for something. Will call the ward again tomorrow but I won't visit unless he is agreeable, no need to put more stress on a stressful situation.

It will be hard for him as it is a very secure ward. No phones allowed.. No anything really and probably the worst thing is no smoking. He likes his electric cigarette and all forms of smoking is banned within the grounds. So he will probably need slightly longer to adjust.

When I dropped off his bag today I slipped a note in; just to say that I am thinking of him and that I love him. He often forgets what has happened after an episode so I also reassured him that no one was harmed and that everything is okay - he might not read it for a while but it will be there when he is ready.

Everything will be on his terms as much as it can be; it's the one thing he can control there - the visitations - and I will make sure he gets that right to decide. He knows I will be here, ready for when he is... I just hope he doesn't feel so totally betrayed that he wants nothing to with me... I will cross that bridge when we come to it though. He knows I'm stubborn and I will always fight for him and I think maybe when all is said and done he will be thankful that he is finally getting the help he needs again x
 
RC2210

RC2210

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#14
Thanks Barry :)
Your post made me smile.
Hope you are having a good day!

Ps; I will post my adoption papers for you Matilda style lol
 
RC2210

RC2210

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#15
*** Mini Update ***

Went to see him today (I called and they said he wanted to see me)... It didn't go great.
He said to me that he wanted milk and cigarettes and I felt awful I couldn't bring them to him.
Must have been a less than 2 min visit.. He couldn't remember much from the episode and asked if I was there to take him home. He was sad when I said I wasn't.. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked away. I told him that I loved him and I hope he understood. They had given him a lot of sedatives to calm him down and he did not seem very responsive... It was a start that he saw me and I will try again tomorrow. Even if it's for a few seconds, he knew that I came for him and he is not alone.

Feeling very sad and lonely. But my lovely sisters in law have plied me with champagne and beer to give me a reprieve for a few hours.

Sigh! The fight continues....
 
Unique1

Unique1

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#16
Good news that you saw him :)

I guess it's small steps at the moment hey.
It's frustrating for you I inow,but at least he's now getting help.

So glad you have your sisters in law to help. It's important you keep your spirits up.:)

Wish you well
Unique xx
 
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RC2210

RC2210

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#17
It was nice... Even for a moment. Hopefully tomorrow I can see him again and go from there.

The worst part is I talk to him all day every day... When we wake up, calls during the day whilst we both work, in the evening. Feels like I'm missing an arm... Or more aptly my heart.

Haven't been able to speak to a lot of my friends as much as I love them. We are only in our mid twenties and I think it's hard sometimes for them to comprehend why I stick with it. That's love I guess... When we got married we vowed sickness and health. Hoping that when I bring him a McDonald's tomorrow (got permission from the ward) that it will be a slightly longer visit and I can just be with him for a while.

Very strange without him; even the dog doesn't know what to do with herself!

Feeling more positive though. I got to tell him I love him and to me that was important :)
 
B

Betrayed

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#18
:( reading your post i feel so much for you! I cant begin to imagine what you must be going through and have been through. Your one hell of a strong woman at such a young age to be doing this, and like the others have said, i hope that your husband understands in time that it was for the best but that your there.

I hope your visit goes well with him tomorrow, stay strong :hug: xx
 
Peaceful

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#19
RC2210

I have read all this thread and most certainly wish you well.

Unfortunately in my lifetime have been sectioned six times, ie nobody can cope with me when I have got like this.

And also as with me, no matter how it hard it will seem for you right now, he is in the best place.

If he wasn't in hospital, then his behaviour would have got worse and worse and had an ever increasing debilitating effect on yourself too, because sadly when people are this unwell, nothing you could say or do, will really register and am certain everything you are saying is absolutely fair and sensible.

And yes, it may take some time whilst he is being stabilised in hospital for his mood etc to be back on a normal plane. And perhaps he may well being assessed long term as to more appropriate meds for him to be more stable on the outside by the time he is let out.

I totally feel for you to be going through all of this and yes it is unbelievably tough, and I know this part will seem incredibly incredibly difficult for you, but please do not take what he says or does for a while as gospel about how he feels about you, for a period he will not be in his right mind so I know it is pretty impossible not to, but try not to take what he is saying to heart - he atm isn't really aware of the words coming out of his mouth.

I think you yourself have been incredibly brave to be standing by him at this time and hopefully when he is better, he can totally totally appreciate this.

My own sisters and their families dismissed myself as a waste of space on my last section two years ago - I have not had the support of a partner for many years - but I felt so blessed that my parents stood by me.

It's tough too when the police get involved. In all my experience most police are really not very clever and very uneducated when dealing with people suffering extreme mental health and their attitudes to treating all like criminals when in all reality just not well - is also debilitating to all too.

I think you are incredibly brave and the fact you in mid twenties incredibly mature too - if I had had someone like you around at the time in my life, maybe my own future wouldn't have been so tough.

The hardest thing though which he has to come to terms with is he has a condition which is exacerbated greatly by stress and can as you seen lead to danger at times, so hopefully within the hospital,he can come to terms with how he has to live his life from this period onwards.

I think - as well as being on here - the fact that you have reconnected with some close friends during this period is absolutely massive for you too - because as the partner on the outside - you absolutely need and deserve all the emotional support from those who know you well too.

I sincerely hope it works out for the best - in particular for you.

In some respects this time may to a degree be harder for you - ie he has a lot of medical people monitoring his moods etc - whilst you are simply waiting and hoping for the real him to come back.

And that's the point really - he is not the person he is - at this moment in time.

His personality and behaviour are extreme because he is ill.

I know you know that. So very tough for you not to take the words he says to heart but absolutely be kind to yourself too and if the visits atm are too tough absolutely too - do whats best for you.

You are an incredibly brave young woman RC2210 and i sincerely hope todays visit goes well.

Certainly wishing you well absolutely.

Peaceful:hug1:
 
RC2210

RC2210

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#20
Thank you for your very well thought out reply Peaceful.
He didn't want to see me today so it was encouraging to read some words of hope.

I am sorry to hear some of your family could not support you when you were going through similar issues. It's incredibly difficult - and it's good you still have some kind of support system. It's the issue with such a misunderstood issue I feel. I had a friend ask once why I kept with it and why I didn't walk away - my answer 'if someone you loved had cancer... Would you leave?' Of course they said no. I think they got the point that illness is illness regardless.

We have actually been incredibly lucky with the police in his case. A couple of the officers were there for the first call many years back... And many since! They knew exactly how to deal with him and made sure it was as peaceful as it could be. I was happy for that as they had officers with tazers present and I have seen them use force on him before. It kicks in some kind of protective instinct and it's incredibly hard to watch. We were lucky this time.

I will keep trying and turn up at that hospital every day he is there. Even if he doesn't want to see me, he will know I have been trying. I took Barry's comments on board too and have been making video logs so he can have them when he gets out. So he knows I was thinking of him.

It does get harder and harder the longer I can't see him, but I won't give up. And every one of you that has replied has given me the willpower to keep smiling.

You are all SPECTACULAR <3