husband recently diagnosed... and left me!

[helpme76]

hi there,

i was hoping that maybe i could get to understand/cope with my husbands recent BP diagnosis. looking into forums and came across this one so any help replies would be greatly appreciated!

if i'm honest and look back over my 12 and a half year relationship with my husband i could now say that there have been symtoms of BP all along.

there have been many good years together ... although there has not been a whole year where seemingly BP has rocked our relationship and at times turned in upside down. My friends used to laugh and say oh is he having one of his 6 monthly blowouts! i have for years taken his behaviour as a personal thing ... at times being made to feel boring, too sensible, just maybe not the right person for him. Then on the flipside treated like a princess, spoilt and then jealous and over protective.

throughout all these years i did not know and neither did my husband that he had BP and i just thought it was his personality, blaming drinking, drugs, bad company and influences.

i finally agreed for us to start a family and so 2 months went by us trying!(something he had wanted for so long and was the most important thing in the world to him ..... only for him to then say no more than 12 hours after hoping that this month was the month that maybe in his mid thirties he was too old. he walked out the house and 2 months later i have had very little contact with him and he is saying he can sort himself out with meditation, living in a quiet place and just being left alone. He has cancelled a Drs appointment that he has had to wait so long for and is refusing to look at any treatment/ counselling or other help!

not only have i been left with the financial difficulties,(and not the 1st time) i feel resentful, guilty and in complete dispair.

i love him dearly but can't cope with it all .... my life has been a roller coaster for years and i have the difficult decision to make ......

when is enough enough! Especially when he doesn't seem to want to get any help .... he said he likes the way he is???? sometimes that has included thinking he is Jesus (help!)

 

[keepsafe]

Hello and
Just acknowledging your post and really I don;t know what to suggest about your partner, as he will have to accept he is ill and until he does that he won't go for help and you probably can;t talk him in to it either if he thinks nothing is wrong.
You should however try to look after yourself also, it must have been incredibly hard for you. Keep posting, others I am sure will have some advice for you.
Take care
KS

 

[Dollit]

Firstly, if he doesn't want treatment then no one can make him have any. That's a hard fact to face but it's one of those things that you really have to come to terms with.

There's only you can make a decision about whether or not the relationship is at an end. Even if he does have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder he is still responsible for his behaviour and therefore if he's created financial problems he should be part of the solution.

Perhaps he does like the way he is - lots of bipolar people do, it's largely how serious it is, how far down the line they are.

Currently he is choosing to live apart from you, take that time to decide what would you do if you didn't know he had bipolar, would you take him back or let go.

 

[Twylight]

Hello and Welcome

 

[helpme76]

Thank You!

through floods of tears (which is a good thing ...... they needed to come out!) .... thank you so much for your replies!

the mixture of guilt, sadness, helplessness and relief are a constant cycle of racing thoughts and feelings in my head and heart of late. - Putting on the brave face, picking myself up while loving and missing my husband terribly! i just feel so tired!!!! - hence the burst of tears i expect!.

Again thank you ..... i hope to be of some comfort/advice to you guys as you have to me today in the future...... i'll log on again soon.

 

[duncanw]

Hi and welcome.

If you know where he's living, have you thought about putting some relevant mental health literature through his door?