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Husband no help at all

R

Rogue Fairy

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2018
Messages
10
Location
California
Anyone have any idea what to do with hubby who pretends there is no problem? Long story short... We've been married 18 years and have 3 boys and a girl. He, knowing full well that cheating would be the one thing that I couldn't handle at all, went ahead and did it anyway. Well, after walking in on him the first time, I proceeded to have a complete nervous breakdown. It was ugly. We made up, created boy number 3 and he continued. While I was in the hospital recovering from an emergency c section he was texting his girlfriend. Then I walked on him, his girlfriend and another man. Ended up in an institution. I'm still married to him... I promised my children an intact home. I won't say I'm over it, and I won't say that he is the sole reason for the problems in my head. I was messed up way before we met. My real problem is I think he believes I'm making this all up. I don't know how to react to that
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
2,202
Hi Rogue Fairy,

Sorry to hear about this - it's awful. How old are the children, just for context?x

Much love <3
 
R

Rogue Fairy

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2018
Messages
10
Location
California
Babies

My oldest is 29...from a different relationship
The three b's are 17, 15 and 9
 
D

Dulcie

Guest
This is dreadful and I'm so sorry also for your children.

Have you considered divorce? You'd need a good lawyer, but the cost of divorce is very expensive. That said, after all the infidelity and mental torture your husband put you through, your lawyer could take him for everything.

Have you an adult family member you can talk to?
 
R

Rogue Fairy

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2018
Messages
10
Location
California
Divorce is not really an option. I don't want to uproot my kids. My 15 year old is battling his own depression. There isn't a lot of fighting and we parent well together. I can last 10 or 12 more years but then I get to make my own choice. I don't have much family close by, but I have great friends. Thanks for taking the time to respond. It helps...
 
D

Dulcie

Guest
Divorce is not really an option. I don't want to uproot my kids. My 15 year old is battling his own depression. There isn't a lot of fighting and we parent well together. I can last 10 or 12 more years but then I get to make my own choice. I don't have much family close by, but I have great friends. Thanks for taking the time to respond. It helps...
Though I'm unsure of the laws in California, but can you motivate your 15 year old to get counselling?

I had a look around at what could be available and found WellnessTogether.org Community Resources — Wellness Together
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
2,202
Ah okay, thanks - if the kids were all off to uni/work, then it would be a different situation. Even though you've done the right thing by thinking of the kids first, it's still something that you should be proud of - sacrificing your own happiness for your kids is a really kind thing to do for them :)

You could come up with a de facto co-parenting plan, so you'd act as 'married' parents but secretly recognise that your relationship is no more.

Or you could simply decide for yourself to no longer consider yourself married to him, and act as your kids' parent, rather than his partner. Once they are old enough and leave, you can do so too?

<3
 
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