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Husband left me.

T

Tainted

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May 1, 2009
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Kent
I am a mess. I have suffered from depression on and off for seven years. My husband left me one week ago because he says he deserves to be happy and can't handle any more of my depression.
Any tips as to how I am going to get through this?:(
 
intelgal

intelgal

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Crikey...

Bit of a bomb shell..

I hope your able to get support from family and friends.

Firstly it is NOT your fault and is he cant see that depression is an illness that is his lack of understanding and selfish attitude.

Please take some time out to look after yourself... plan some nice things to do and take one day at a time

take care
intel
 
N

Nutter_09

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Mar 11, 2009
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136
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Middlesex
Thats awful, I am soo sorry you are having to deal with this as well as everything else.
Do you have family/friends who are understanding?

I don't have much experience, my boyf & I have been together for about 7 months, I told him about my depression from the start and he has been great, but when I am very down or suicidal, he finds it hard as he likes to "fix" things.
I have told him that I fully understand if its too much for him. It would kill me, i Know but I sometimes thinks he deserves better.
Its different for you as you are married and its more commitment.
Maybe you could have a good chat and discuss what he finds so hard and see if you could find ways to support eachother.

I hope you are doing ok and looking after yourself.
 
S

staples

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Joined
Jul 30, 2008
Messages
106
hi

i was in a similar predicament 3 or 4 years ago, best thing is to surround yourself with people that love you and try not to be alone. and for the time being stay away from alcohol or such like as it will amplify your feelings
 
T

Tainted

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Kent
Thanks everyone for your adivce.

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 7. We have a little girl (of two and a half) together.
My husband and I have always been so close together.
He said since my last suicide attempt in Janury he felt as though he had lost me and he feels as though he has been grieveing for me since.
I don't know what (If anything) I can do.
 
N

Nutter_09

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Mar 11, 2009
Messages
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Middlesex
Its really hard.
I recently tried to end it and my boyf was soo upet - It was horrible to see him so upset and even cry. He feels like he can't do anything and even makes me worse which I hated.
I think with this crappy depression, other people think that by being nice and caring will make it all better, which we all know will not fix it all.
Have you got a good GP, counsellor etc?
 
Cal

Cal

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Firstly i'm really sorry it must be so hard for you, but i think that you need to talk to friends and family as it's at hard times that they help the most and even if you don't notice at the time you'll appreciate it later. Do nothing drastic, you still have a daughter who'll be very confused and will need you. Also if he comes to his senses and stops being selfish he'll come back to you on bended knees begging for forgiveness, if he doesn't you're probably better off without him. I hope things work out for you whatever happens and if you need support then try talking on here (sometimes anonymity helps) :hug:
 
T

Tainted

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Thanks Cal.

I do agree with you. I thiink if he does decide to come back he should come back begging, but he doesn't seem to understand that. It seems to be me doing the begging.

The thing is I agree with him. We used to have such a close relationship and over the past year my depression has absorbed this. However, I have been feeling so much better, and I understand what the problems in our relationship are. I to want to get it back. The difference between him and me is. I want to give it a try and I don't know ( not sure if he knows) if he wants to or not.

I obviously take marriag a lot more seriously than he does. " In sickness and in health". If I had an ongoing physical illness such as MS I wonder if he would have left me then!

We have a session of maariage councelling tonight. Not too sure how it's going to go!

My daughter is my rock. She keeps me going and I can't bear to be apart from her. I think my daughter and I both have a bit of seperation anxiety at the moment.

In January when I attempted suicide, I was ill but I still chose to stay with my daughter and husband. My husband angers me as he isn't ill abd has chosen to leave his wife. I think he is a coward and very selfish.
 
T

Tainted

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Messages
105
Location
Kent
Hi me again!

I feel so hurt and upset, I can't believe my husband has done this to me. I understand I must have put him through a very trumatic time and my actions must have hurt him. But rather than running away I would have thought it would make more sense to talk about it.

All the uncertanties such as where my daughter and I will live, how we will afford to live as well as everything else does not worry me.

My big concern is loosing something so special (my husband).

He jas told me he needs time on his own and time to think. I don't know how long this is going to be. He could tell me his answet in a minute, a week, a month or a year. How long am I supposed to wait?
 
T

Tainted

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Kent
Just an update!

My husband is confusing me so much. He still says he doesn't know if he wants to come back or not. To be honest I'm not sure if I want him back now, but I wont tell him that.

We had arranged to go for a drink at our local pub for a chat. But beforehan we went to marriage councelling. the councellor told me to give him some space, which I respect. But my husband has been giving me mixed messages. He agreed for a chat at the pub, in fact said it was a good idea, he came round for dinner. Then after the councelling told me the councellor was right and to leave him alone. i am very confused, but then I think he is too.

Has anyone else been through a similar situation and have any advice as to the best thing to do?

I hate being in limbo. I have plans for my daughter and I ( on our own) and I have plans for the three of us as well. I just can't initiate any of them as I ( or my husband) don't know what we are doing!:unsure:
 
ms_P

ms_P

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BeNeLux
Hi Tainted,
I feel for you. :hug: I've been there.
This is only my opinion, but since it's still early days, maybe instead of feeling in limbo try just letting things be for awhile. Let the dust settle and see what comes out of it?
I get the impression you're panicking and decisions can't really be made in that state.
Be strong for yourself and your daughter. She needs you.

xxx
 
T

Tainted

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May 1, 2009
Messages
105
Location
Kent
Thanks Ms P

I feel so strong. Stronger than I ever have before. My daughter is my world. I am doing everything I can to keep her feeling happy, secure and loved by both of her parents.

I just hate this feeling of not knowing, it's sickening. I have just booked myself a hair appointment and even that was upsetting as I booked it under my marital name! I just want to move on if I need to but feel I can't. Arggggggggghhhhhh!
 
schiz01

schiz01

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Jul 16, 2009
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Australia
hi tainted
From a males perspective i think you should stop planning so far ahead and putting pressure on your husband.(my girlfriend is doing the same thing to me at the moment) Give him time to sort himself out,Im sure he is hurting to .In the mean time you could go to a therapist and work on yourself as well as seeing a relationship counselor with your partner
I dont want to pick on you or anything and i dont know all the details but it takes 2 to tango.My girlfriend of 4 years suffers depression and she can be very selfish and self absorbed ,I know she doesnt mean to be and its part of the illness (i suffer from depression and schizophrenia) but she can sometimes be imposable to reason with and wont even try to meet me halfway.I can be the same way when it comes to certain things.
Guess what im saying is dont make things worse then they already are,keep communication lines open and get help from a relationship counselor to work things out.
I really hope you can work things out ...best of luck
 
E

eternity

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Joined
Jun 22, 2009
Messages
30
hi tainted,
i'm experiencing a very similar situation with my husband at the minute. it's been going on since the beginning of march with no end in sight and all the mixed messages are there too. it's so confusing, i've described it as fumbling round in a dark room trying to find a light switch that keeps moving. what i am doing is building a life for me and my daughters that doesn't involve him. he still sees the girls and i but we have a life that he is not involved in if he chooses later on he wants to be a part of it then we will decide whether to let him. i would also caution against burning all your bridges unless you are very sure. i have days when i've had enough and i'm going to end our marriage but then an hour later i would let him move back home immediately. like i said i understand what your going through (well as much as anyone can understand another persons' situation) so feel free to pm me if you want to.
things will work themselves out one way or another eventually.

eternity:hug:
 
T

Tainted

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Joined
May 1, 2009
Messages
105
Location
Kent
Hi

Thank you for your advice.

I agree schiz01, I think I did/do need to back off. I also agree that it takes two people to rock a marraige, although my husband seems to think it's all me!

I dropped our daughter off to my husband yesterday morning and when he dropped her back home in the evening he said he had really missed me. He also said he wants our relationship to work and for it to be how it used to be a few years ago and not recently, which I agree.

We are taking slow steps but we have agreed to see a bit more of each other, and take it from there!

I am pleased but also scared.
 
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