• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Hullo!!

W

Worthingite

New member
Joined
Jan 30, 2015
Messages
1
Location
Worthing, UK
Hi. I've just joined this forum, so I wanted to say hello first before diving in!!

I've come on here to try and find somewhere to let go of the way I'm feeling and the crap that's going on in my frazzled head! Everyone in my life thinks I'm getting better and "on the road to recovery", but at the moment I don't think I am, and in some ways I feel I'm going backwards. But I don't want to tell them that!!!

My problems started about 5 years ago, I started having seizures, and after being diagnosed with epilepsy, it was then changed to Non Epileptic Attack Disorder. Basically it means I have stress related seizures. Because of them I have lost 3 jobs, and last summer I lost one of those and my flat. I managed to get another job, and I moved into a houseshare with some people, but they didn't realise how bad my seizures were and asked me to leave after 6 weeks as they scared them so much, and they were worried that the time off from the job that I had got would mean I couldn't afford the rent.

This, unfortunately, pushed me to make 2 attempts at doing something silly. Ended up with a mental health worker advising me to voluntarily admit myself for a period (it wasn't really an offer - had I said no I would have been going regardless against my wishes!!), so I spent 4 weeks in total in facilities in Chichester and Worthing. I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Adjustment Disorder. After being released, I was effectively homeless, having had my things cleared out of the houseshare whilst in there. My parents took my stuff in whilst I was put into a hostel in Brighton, which was ok but really far from my friends and the CPN that had been allocated to me. After a couple of months I was offered a flat, and moved in in December.

That should have been the fairytale (ish) ending for my little "episode" as I call it. But I'm finding it very hard to sleep, I'm terrified of things on the news (the recent terrorist attacks have utterly terrified me, and that's a subject for another day!!). I feel isolated, alone and not really sure what to do with myself. I have appointments with my neuropsych on the 12/2 to sort out my seizures, and a follow up at the day hospital next week, but I'm not sure what they are going to do. As I'm opening up in here and no one knows me I'll admit I'm having problems sticking to my meds - I'm very forgetful at the best of times!! As I say, I'm not sleeping, or sleeping at odd times, I find it easier to bin off meeting up with people, as I'm getting tired of pretending that everything is fine. I'm lost, confused and lonely, and fed up of being that way, but frightened by the lack of motivation to change it at the same time (possibly the most counter productive thing I've ever said - the answer is glaringly obvious but finding the oomph to do it has just disappeared!!)

Sorry for ranting and raving, I appreciate this is probably a bit whiny to read, and I'm sure I'll sort myself out sooner or later. But I just wanted to say thank you to this forum for being here- I hope I've found a place that I can talk to people without having to put on a face!!! Think I've written more honest stuff here than I've told my friends and family full stop!!! Sometimes it's nice just to put it all down if that makes sense. Anyway, I'll shut up now but if you got this far thanks for reading!!!!!
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,623
Welcome to the forums and well done for writing all that down and being honest.

I am sure you will get lots of replies, when people wake that is! There are people from all over the world on here but not many on tonight.

It's really very hard to find the motivation to change things, I appreciate that.

I hope you get along here and make lots of friends.

Right I'm off back to bed now!

(((((HUGS)))))
KS
 
trinny

trinny

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2014
Messages
95
Location
scotland
hello glad you have joined this forum been able to ecxpress and open up addressing problems is half the battle. iv learned this on here by the way. addressing it all sounds very positive on your journey. im sure very benefitial ,as i have. good you i was a shambling mess hadnt clue how to even work the forum as im pretty ancient uneducated you seem more focused totally i wish you well.:)
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Hi Worthingite and welcome to the forum.

I hope that discussing your issues here helps you. It certainly is a place where you can feel safe sharing your problems without having to put on a face. We're all going through (or have been through) similar things and support each other as much as possible.

Feeling that awful lack of motivation is so common with depression. It can sap you of your strength, drive and concentration and make everything feel like a huge obstacle.

Anyway, welcome. I hope you're finding your way round okay.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Welcome to the forum. :hi:

Just want to say I didn't find your post "whiny" at all. Sorry to hear things are going a bit downhill at the moment, but hopefully talking on this forum will help you feel less alone.
 
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