- Jul 28, 2010
- Out of Context
I had a very intense therapy session on Wednesday in which I opened up a lot about my fear of abandonment. It was very emotional and I cried, tears streaming down my face. My therapist asked me if she could hug me, which she has done before, but this time I had mixed feelings about hugging her. I wanted to say no, because every time we hug it intensifies my attachment to her, and makes the thought of therapy ending even harder. But I also wanted to say yes, because hugs are comforting, and I don't get anywhere near enough hugs right now. So I got up out of my chair and she put her arms around me, and I clung to her so tight for a long time. That hug somehow triggered a lot for me, a lot of intense emotions. I've been journalling about it, but it's way too much to post on here. I think I need to talk about it with my therapist, but it's very scary to think of doing that, because it means telling her things I have never told anyone before, ever, things that feel so deeply personal to me, and some things that I feel ashamed about.