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Huge phobia of sex scenes/nudity

T

Totallyworthless

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Joined
Dec 17, 2021
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4
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Isle of wight
I can relate to everyone who has shared their feelings in this thread.
Every boyfriend since I was 16, and my first husband were unfaithful, watched porn, oggled other women in front of me etc. etc. Over the years I have become more and more insecure, vulnerable, anxious, depressed, and basically feel totally worthless, ugly and have all manner of deep rooted feelings that I can't even describe.
My second husband hasn't been unfaithful as such, and I love him so very much, but he constantly stares at other womens breasts when we are out together and gets really excited when he sees topless women on holiday. I found out that he was watching porn whilst pleasuring himself when I was ill in bed and it hurt like hell. I felt cheated on. I felt dirty when he came near me. I felt like I wanted to die. His answer to that was 'you're not normal, you need help'.
Then I found a text conversation on his phone with another woman. They were talking about the fun they had with her rabbit and he told her his marriage to me was really bad. When I confronted him, he said she was an ex and it meant nothing. He said he hadn't seen her. Again I felt like he'd been unfaithful, like I'm totally worthless, like there's no point in me being alive.
He told me ages ago he enjoys sex scenes in films but now, because he knows how I feel about sex and nudity in films and on TV, he says it doesn't bother him, he doesn't care if there's sex and nudity and says he doesn't get off on it.
In my mind though, every time there's sex or naked women in films and TV, I remember him watching porn in secret, sexting that woman, staring at other women's breasts and basically making me feel like life's not worth living.
I self harm as a means to cope.
Am I being unreasonable wanting him to only have eyes for me? Am I not normal? Do I need help?
Why are men never satisfied with only their wife/girlfriend?
 
A

allfussallmuss

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Joined
Dec 19, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Chicago, IL
I thought i was safe watching the new Wes Anderson movie, The French Dispatch, with my boyfriend because cmon it’s Wes Anderson, the twee-est director of all time. But Lea Seydoux was fully naked for several scenes just posing with her perfect body and perfect breasts and now my night is ruined.
My boyfriend also has several accounts to celeb porn sites (the ones with all the nude clips from normal movies) because that’s his biggest turn-on. Watching nude scenes with him isn’t a question of whether or not he’s going to like it - he definitely will, every time, because it’s right up his alley. I’ve seen this stuff accidentally pop up on his phone or laptop (I don’t snoop, he’s just careless). Wouldn’t be so bad if we had sex more than twice a year for the last three years but in a sexless relationship, nude scenes are ten times more painful I think. It’s not such a big leap from nude actresses with perfect bodies and having a boyfriend who doesn’t f*** you, to thinking like hey, maybe my boyfriend never f***s me because I don’t look like all the celebs he ogles every day.
Kinda glad to see I’m not alone here, but very sad to know so many others feel the same way.
 
E

Elbeans

Member
Joined
Jul 20, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Lancaster, Lancashire
I can relate to everyone who has shared their feelings in this thread.
Every boyfriend since I was 16, and my first husband were unfaithful, watched porn, oggled other women in front of me etc. etc. Over the years I have become more and more insecure, vulnerable, anxious, depressed, and basically feel totally worthless, ugly and have all manner of deep rooted feelings that I can't even describe.
My second husband hasn't been unfaithful as such, and I love him so very much, but he constantly stares at other womens breasts when we are out together and gets really excited when he sees topless women on holiday. I found out that he was watching porn whilst pleasuring himself when I was ill in bed and it hurt like hell. I felt cheated on. I felt dirty when he came near me. I felt like I wanted to die. His answer to that was 'you're not normal, you need help'.
Then I found a text conversation on his phone with another woman. They were talking about the fun they had with her rabbit and he told her his marriage to me was really bad. When I confronted him, he said she was an ex and it meant nothing. He said he hadn't seen her. Again I felt like he'd been unfaithful, like I'm totally worthless, like there's no point in me being alive.
He told me ages ago he enjoys sex scenes in films but now, because he knows how I feel about sex and nudity in films and on TV, he says it doesn't bother him, he doesn't care if there's sex and nudity and says he doesn't get off on it.
In my mind though, every time there's sex or naked women in films and TV, I remember him watching porn in secret, sexting that woman, staring at other women's breasts and basically making me feel like life's not worth living.
I self harm as a means to cope.
Am I being unreasonable wanting him to only have eyes for me? Am I not normal? Do I need help?
Why are men never satisfied with only their wife/girlfriend?
I'm so sorry that your husband is so unkind about this. I think you do deserve help, because I know I feel the same way, wanting to die, about this stuff, and I know that's extreme and we shouldn't have to feel this way. But also he is being a jerk! He doesn't need to rub it in, and it is definitely not normal for men to act like that and behave that way. I feel these anxieties and jealousies and tbh most men I have been with have been supportive and nice and I've still acted 'crazy' at them - I can't even imagine how I would cope if my partner openly behaved in the ways you have described. I'm so sorry x
 
E

Elbeans

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Joined
Jul 20, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Lancaster, Lancashire
I thought i was safe watching the new Wes Anderson movie, The French Dispatch, with my boyfriend because cmon it’s Wes Anderson, the twee-est director of all time. But Lea Seydoux was fully naked for several scenes just posing with her perfect body and perfect breasts and now my night is ruined.
My boyfriend also has several accounts to celeb porn sites (the ones with all the nude clips from normal movies) because that’s his biggest turn-on. Watching nude scenes with him isn’t a question of whether or not he’s going to like it - he definitely will, every time, because it’s right up his alley. I’ve seen this stuff accidentally pop up on his phone or laptop (I don’t snoop, he’s just careless). Wouldn’t be so bad if we had sex more than twice a year for the last three years but in a sexless relationship, nude scenes are ten times more painful I think. It’s not such a big leap from nude actresses with perfect bodies and having a boyfriend who doesn’t f*** you, to thinking like hey, maybe my boyfriend never f***s me because I don’t look like all the celebs he ogles every day.
Kinda glad to see I’m not alone here, but very sad to know so many others feel the same way.
Ha I saw the trailers for the French Dispatch and was ready to try to push myself by seeing it in the cinema - until I checked the parents guide. And then that evening my long distance partner told me he was going to see it. I managed to not have a go at him but it set off a 3 day depressive spiral ugghhh. And also made me SO angry because on the parents guide it said 'the nudity is not sexual, it is done for aesthetic purposes' - MALE NUDITY WOULD NEVER BE DESCRIBED LIKE THIS. Our bodies shouldn't be used as goddamn decoration for straight men, because we end up feeling like our bodies aren't 'decorative' enough compared to these actresses who literally sculpt themselves to be able to look like this plus lighting and makeup etc etc. People just accept it and it's the worst - especially for people like us whose experiences have made seeing this like being punched in the gut over and over. We may 'overreact' but the rest of the world is underreacting.
 
MollyBloom

MollyBloom

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Jun 18, 2021
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401
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The Capital of Europe
I thought i was safe watching the new Wes Anderson movie, The French Dispatch, with my boyfriend because cmon it’s Wes Anderson, the twee-est director of all time. But Lea Seydoux was fully naked for several scenes just posing with her perfect body and perfect breasts and now my night is ruined.

OMG! I think I want to see this film. A naked Léa Seydoux ☺️ She’s so gorgeous, said my lesbian brain 🤭
 
D

Daddysgirl94

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Joined
Dec 28, 2021
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1
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Tennesse
Ok so I am here looking for advice not judgement or opinions on sex/porn

I have a massive phobia of my partner watching anything with any nudity or sex I get anxious feel sick sweat feel unwanted rejected unattractive I just cant bare it and we do avoid it because it is a massive problem It has escalated into an even bigger issue even attractive women on tv or internet or in the street wherever I can't handle it

It all stemmed from around age 18 I am now 29 my ex was abusive and watched pron alot and all the movies he watched had a lot of sex/nudity in which didnt bother me until he started watching porn behind my back and to be fair him watching porn didnt bother me at first we would watch it together until he started chipping away at my self esteem and then it became a massive issue he was both mentally and physically abusive

So fast forward to now I have this huge phobia and it is truly awful I panic and worry alot over it I wont watch a movie with any of this in and if something was to come up I get so angry hurt even though deep down I know its not his fault but it doesn't change how it makes me feel I wish I could put it into words how much I suffer internally it is like pure and utter torture and I am not exactly unattractive and I know he loves me and finds me attractive and so on

Now this is another issue which I have never really told anyone or discussed in any detail as it confuses the hell out of me please don't judge as I am just as confused as you probably will be...

So I have this massive phobia which takes over my life anything to do with other woman nudity or attractive woman which I put down to the abusive ex partner but despite this majority of the time when we have sex my biggest fantasy is my partner having sex with another woman in front of me... yeah confusing so I spend my life panicking but then I fantasize over it? I just don't know what is wrong with me I am to embarrassed to tell anyone about it

I even look up movie content before we watch anything which is rare we do as I avoid TV like the plague he watched a movie about a year ago and I just looked up the content and it had all kinds of nudity and sex init and my hands are sweating heart racing feel sick and actually want to confront him I feel it is getting out of control and ruining my life still after all these years I need actual professional help but how and where I already go to counselling but it is more of a listening thing and I think it would take more to address and sort this than someone just listening to me
Did you ever find help? I feel the exact same way. My fiance wants to watch all these sexual shows and he says im too controlling about it. It makes me sick and disgusted. He has had a huge issue with porn in the past.
 
C

Clare2022

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Dec 31, 2021
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3
Location
WS4, West Midlands
I'm so happy I found this thread and that I'm not alone. I really struggle with this and it is affecting my relationship massively. I don't know what/who to blame for the way films and tv shows are today!
Hi Queen and everyone, I've felt this way since I was 12, I'm now 46. I'm struggling too. So hard and I feel so stupid. Has anyone had help with this who have made it easier for them to cope?

Take care and a Happy New Year to you all xx
 
M

Missdamaged

Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2022
Messages
14
Location
Manchester
Ok so I am here looking for advice not judgement or opinions on sex/porn

I have a massive phobia of my partner watching anything with any nudity or sex I get anxious feel sick sweat feel unwanted rejected unattractive I just cant bare it and we do avoid it because it is a massive problem It has escalated into an even bigger issue even attractive women on tv or internet or in the street wherever I can't handle it

It all stemmed from around age 18 I am now 29 my ex was abusive and watched pron alot and all the movies he watched had a lot of sex/nudity in which didnt bother me until he started watching porn behind my back and to be fair him watching porn didnt bother me at first we would watch it together until he started chipping away at my self esteem and then it became a massive issue he was both mentally and physically abusive

So fast forward to now I have this huge phobia and it is truly awful I panic and worry alot over it I wont watch a movie with any of this in and if something was to come up I get so angry hurt even though deep down I know its not his fault but it doesn't change how it makes me feel I wish I could put it into words how much I suffer internally it is like pure and utter torture and I am not exactly unattractive and I know he loves me and finds me attractive and so on

Now this is another issue which I have never really told anyone or discussed in any detail as it confuses the hell out of me please don't judge as I am just as confused as you probably will be...

So I have this massive phobia which takes over my life anything to do with other woman nudity or attractive woman which I put down to the abusive ex partner but despite this majority of the time when we have sex my biggest fantasy is my partner having sex with another woman in front of me... yeah confusing so I spend my life panicking but then I fantasize over it? I just don't know what is wrong with me I am to embarrassed to tell anyone about it

I even look up movie content before we watch anything which is rare we do as I avoid TV like the plague he watched a movie about a year ago and I just looked up the content and it had all kinds of nudity and sex init and my hands are sweating heart racing feel sick and actually want to confront him I feel it is getting out of control and ruining my life still after all these years I need actual professional help but how and where I already go to counselling but it is more of a listening thing and I think it would take more to address and sort this than someone just listening to me
I am the exact same, I am not ugly but I have gained weight, definitely plus size but I was the exact same when I was slim with my previous partner. For me sadly it's not just nude women, I'll check movies before my partner watches them and if there's an attractive lead women, I'll tell him I don't want to watch it, the movies rubbish etc. I don't want to be like this but I just can't shake it, I instantly think that he'll see her and look at me and just feel disappointed. He's very supportive most of the time but i understand that my constant need for reassurance can get very tiring sometimes.

I've been okay for a few weeks but today he was scrolling on his laptop on a shopping website called alibaba and a random naked woman popped up, it was random but very very explicit, not something he had searched for, was advertising a sleazy sex doll but the woman was definitely real. He was bit shocked and closed the window but I can't help how it made me feel, I'm embarrassed to admit that I just can't shake off the upset feeling, I keep crying about it, wondering if he liked it deep down, if its something he has been looking at, it's very frustrating that I can't just move past it when I'm sure most people would.
 
I

Irelandmate

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Jan 6, 2022
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Boise
Thank you to everyone here being openly honest and vulnerable. I had no idea so many of you feel this way and now I feel less alone.
 
A

Asialove09

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Jan 12, 2022
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70506
I don’t think this ever goes away once it’s started… I’m 29.. and have recently stumbled upon this phobia due to infidelity in a relationship, him always looking at other women when we go out, him watching movies with nothing but naked women and sex……. It’s so bad to the point where out of 29 years, I started to dislike my body… like not nitpicking but full on hating my body. I even search of IMDB reviews before watching a movie bc I don’t want to watch anything with nudity…. I’ve been trying to work on my insecurities and see if this has helped with anything but nope… seems like nothing works other than trying to find a man who doesn’t watch these types of things (which I highly doubt there are any)
It’s just annoying that men call me insecure bc of this but honestly what woman in their right mind is ok with their man lusting over a naked woman…….
And it’s even more annoying when men call me insecure but they know da*n well if movies had nothing but d*cks everywhere and abs, I’m sure they would feel uncomfortable and “insecure” too… and I’m 100% sure of this bc I tested this out on my bf..
I put on magic mike and he got up so fast and tried to leave the room and I said where u going? He’s like “I don’t have to watch that “ exactly and neither do we when it comes to nudity/sex…. We don’t have to, and not wanting to does not make me insecure…. It’s makes me feel disrespected
 
T

Totallyworthless

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Dec 17, 2021
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Isle of wight
Very well said. It's like men think they have the right to make us feel so bad and then blame us for it.
And you're right about there not being any men who don't do this.
I asked my husband why he watches porn in secret and he said because its not nice for me to know. So he knows it upsets me but does it anyway. And so I now also have trust issues.
 
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Asialove09

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@Totallyworthless right so what do we do ? Put our foot down even more, stay and let them constantly disrespect us, or leave over something that probably won’t ever go away
 
T

Totallyworthless

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I wish I knew the answer. Whatever we do we are the ones with the problem apparently
 
A

Asialove09

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@Totallyworthless my bf wanted to watch vice principals today. I automatically googled the nude scenes… now I’m mad bc it seems like that’s all he wants to watch… movies and shows of other naked women… why is this so normal to watch these types of things but for me I feel hurt disrespected jealous insecure mad smh
 
T

Tef79

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Jan 14, 2022
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Akron, Ohio
I feel so relieved I have found others who struggle with this like I do. I thought I was literally the only one who had this problem. I have a full-on panic attack which can last for DAYS at the sight of nudity or even just a steamy sex scene that may not have actual nudity in it. My ex husband was addicted to porn and began comparing me to the women he watched, wanted to recreate certain things he saw and then eventually asked me if I’d be willing to join the porn industry. It has literally destroyed me. I refuse to watch ANYTHING with sex or nudity in it. I don’t care if I miss out on the greatest show ever made, the anxiety, depression, panic, fear, and despair that I feel isn’t worth any show or movie on earth. I am now remarried and my husband knows this issue that I have. He admittedly doesn’t understand it because he swears nudity doesn’t “do anything” for him in movies. And although I appreciate his efforts to make me feel better, I don’t believe that for a second. Men ARE affected. Period. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so prevalent. And I am an example of a woman who has been irreparably damaged because of the content of movies, tv, and pornography. My husband has agreed, at my request, to not watch anything with nudity in it to respect my feelings. But that hasn’t gotten rid of my anxiety. I’m now 42 and I believe I will have this problem for the rest of my life. There was a time when I felt it was my duty to “get better“. To learn to be ok with it. But I’ve come to realize that I don’t have to watch those types of movies… I don’t have to watch those types of TV shows… Even though they’re popular, even though everybody is watching them, they harm me. And I’m not interested in suffering and harming myself anymore than I already have been. I have given myself permission to not be OK with that type of thing. Yes I get incredibly anxious when a new show comes out and my husband says “hey I wonder if that’s good” and then I look it up and I find out that it’s terrible. What I believe we are talking about here is PTSD without a doubt. And I will not watch anything without looking up its contact first and my husband knows this. Perfect example is the show Yellowstone which is crazy popular right now. Just last night his friend came over and said “hey have you guys watched Yellowstone yet it’s so good!” And I felt a panic attack coming on. I excused myself and then later told my husband that that show was on the “no-way no-how” list and to please not watch it out of respect for my feelings. And he promised me that he would not. I have found a man who doesn’t understand this. He truly doesn’t understand why I get so upset, but he loves me enough to say “you are more important to me than any TV show or movie“. I struggle with this every single day of my life, but thank goodness I’m not being abused by it anymore.
 

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