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Huge phobia of sex scenes/nudity

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DitsyBee

New member
Joined
Sep 11, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Springfield, MO
Ok so I am here looking for advice not judgement or opinions on sex/porn

I have a massive phobia of my partner watching anything with any nudity or sex I get anxious feel sick sweat feel unwanted rejected unattractive I just cant bare it and we do avoid it because it is a massive problem It has escalated into an even bigger issue even attractive women on tv or internet or in the street wherever I can't handle it

It all stemmed from around age 18 I am now 29 my ex was abusive and watched pron alot and all the movies he watched had a lot of sex/nudity in which didnt bother me until he started watching porn behind my back and to be fair him watching porn didnt bother me at first we would watch it together until he started chipping away at my self esteem and then it became a massive issue he was both mentally and physically abusive

So fast forward to now I have this huge phobia and it is truly awful I panic and worry alot over it I wont watch a movie with any of this in and if something was to come up I get so angry hurt even though deep down I know its not his fault but it doesn't change how it makes me feel I wish I could put it into words how much I suffer internally it is like pure and utter torture and I am not exactly unattractive and I know he loves me and finds me attractive and so on

Now this is another issue which I have never really told anyone or discussed in any detail as it confuses the hell out of me please don't judge as I am just as confused as you probably will be...

So I have this massive phobia which takes over my life anything to do with other woman nudity or attractive woman which I put down to the abusive ex partner but despite this majority of the time when we have sex my biggest fantasy is my partner having sex with another woman in front of me... yeah confusing so I spend my life panicking but then I fantasize over it? I just don't know what is wrong with me I am to embarrassed to tell anyone about it

I even look up movie content before we watch anything which is rare we do as I avoid TV like the plague he watched a movie about a year ago and I just looked up the content and it had all kinds of nudity and sex init and my hands are sweating heart racing feel sick and actually want to confront him I feel it is getting out of control and ruining my life still after all these years I need actual professional help but how and where I already go to counselling but it is more of a listening thing and I think it would take more to address and sort this than someone just listening to me
first thing I’ve read that explains my issue to a tee. The only thing I’ve been able to do is look away when things come up. If I don’t see them see it or see what they see then it’s not so bad. I’m fortunate to have someone who seems very numb to sexual content and doesn’t watch porn/respects my wishes to not watch it. I’d like to be able to just watch the damn movie though.

maybe a lot of people feel this way because the world is definitely hyper sexual. And many of us do own a moral code that flags this as something not right...the misrepresentation of female bodies plays a part. And if nudity is this rampant in media, then surely someone is thinking with a dirty mind. And if so, surely many people think the same way. For it to be so common and to hear your partner say that they just don’t see it like that just doesn’t seem to make sense. I kind of wish everyone viewed nudity like I do. It’s cool or whatever but just look away? If you walked in on a couple having sex, it would be weird to stare right? Why is it ok to watch just because it’s on a movie? I just can’t really understand it and kind of refuse to just say there’s something wrong with ME when perhaps there’s something wrong with the whole damn thing. But am I wrong? It is everyone else?
 
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DitsyBee

New member
Joined
Sep 11, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Springfield, MO
guys my bf wants me to watch the suicide squad with him in the cinema and apparently there’s a 7 minute sex scene god i feel like crying and throwing up what the hell, i can’t say no bc i’ll feel bad but what the hell am i supposed to do during the scene :low:
just look down...or excuse yourself to the bathroom...it works for me idk
 
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Anxietyhell

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2021
Messages
134
I think there are some couples that will watch porn together, maybe it spices up their sex life and they find it arousing.. I think my ex watched porn and concealed it from me, I think the internet has obviously made that opportunity available to everyone....I personally found it off putting, and in ways demoralising and disrespectful to our relationship .. For me it takes away any romance and is just gratuitous sex, and most human beings want to feel loved and validated as a person , not just to feel like an object... I wonder also, how many men would actually feel if they found their partners watching porn.. Would it make them feel a bit intimidated or that they did not satisfy their women?.. Lots of men with good bodies, and large parts and seemingly able to satisfy a female - when many can't and don't.. Interesting thoughts
 
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Tmr

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Regina Saskatchewan
I am struggling with this extremely terrible… me and my partner are currently watching Wolf of wall street. Could someone who is going through this maybe message me?? I’m at a complete loss on what to do. He just gets mad at me when a female nude scenes comes on and I get upset..

I don’t get mad it him or ask him to look away, I either sit in silence for hours or I get up and leave the room.

He knows it upsets me but he doesn’t understand why I think(frankly neither do I, just me with 0 self esteem at all). But it pisses him off, when we were watching it last night I went completely silent, once he turned it off I was still a bit upset so I didn’t say much. He ended up getting mad flipping over and going to bed without giving me a kiss or saying goodnight and he loves me, which he knows is a huge deal to me…
 
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Anxietyhell

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2021
Messages
134
Unfortunately there is quite of nudity/ sex scenes on TV now ( never used to be as much).. A lot more is often shown of a woman too...As someone that has always struggled with low self esteem, I can relate.. I think if we feel insecure about ourselves then it can manifest when we are presented with something or someone we perceive as maybe looking better or acting in a way we cant or dont.. Maybe we feel a bit threatened by it? embarrased or even a bit jealous because we feel our partner may be aroused by looking at another woman.. Men don't always get or understand all those feelings and emotions.. I think In his mind, maybe the fact he is with you - and always usually kisses and tells you he loves you should confirm his commitment to your relationship.. So he doesn't understand why you should get upset by a nude woman on TV...
 
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