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Huge phobia of sex scenes/nudity

A

Ast

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Some people can just watch a movie with their gf/bf and not even care. But how can we do that when we’re constantly told that our bodies should be covered and if we wear revealing clothing we are sluts.. but then the standards change when it’s time to watch a movie? Why do we watch nude women when we are told to not act that way. Why is it normalized because “it’s just a actor anyways.” It’s hypocritical and frustrates me. Mostly because I’m not dumb and I know how men (and women too) think. Like yeah I don’t think my bf is gonna leave me of course but it’s the fact that it makes me uncomfortable to watch that stuff but if we are uncomfortable we are childish and over think it... like it’s literally a real women on the screen.😂 idk... i just wish I could numb myself to the embarrassment and get to the bottom of it. I am in the same boat as you.
When I was a child I hated movies like that, sometimes I think I was exposed to it too young but if they showed a nude women I would get extreme anger toward men for some reason. Even when movies show little boys looking at porn mags and people think it’s cute... but if it was a girl everyone would be appalled... this world is just disgusting and doesn’t make sense to me. Like I knew as a child we were objectified by men and I hated it because it was always just naked women, never men. This phobia is sure exhausting sometimes.
 
A

Ast

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I totally agree. I think the amount of female only nudity on USA tv is absurd. Its unfair that we never see men nude. No wonder we are all having issues. Especially those with trauma. Anyone find something that helps them cope with this?
 
A

Ast

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Hi @darksouls a little late to the thread here. Everything you have said i am the EXACT same. Even with the fantasy part.

I genuinely think there are so many other women like this but feel like we shouldn't be as we get labelled crazy etc.
Have you had any help ? i have tried but didn't get anywhere i don't know the best source to help with this.

I am not insecure and am attractive myself but its like a protectiveness and i have been the same in all relationships.

I would love to speak so more!

the only time i don't have these issues is when i am single which makes me want to be as ic ant live like this.
Same here. Exactly.
 
G

GuyIncognito

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Okay... so I guess I'm coming at this from a slightly different angle but I'd value your input. See... I'm a guy that sometimes watches movies with nudity. And I'm not going to lie... sometimes I seek this content out because I simply want to see it for my own sexual enjoyment. I know that sounds terrible... but I sometimes seek out movies with nudity in the same way that many men seek out porn (I don't like extremely graphic pornography... I never have).

Anyway, I admit all that. I wanted to be up front about all of that from the start... but please know that I am in no way disregarding anyone's feelings here... and my wife is in all likelihood, right there with you guys. This may be a longtime phobia she has dealt with. She hates nudity in movies and she can get very angry at the thought of actresses taking off their clothes. She sees it as "fake" and she can get very upset that I would enjoy such fake Hollywood women. But here's the thing... it wasn't always like this for us. For years and years, I looked away or closed my eyes if a woman on TV wore a bra or bikini or anything like that... and we NEVER watched anything with nudity. I'm sure many of you wish your significant others would do that for you... and maybe that is a decent and honorable thing, but also know that it can become an almost unhealthy obsession... especially if the guy is like me and wrestles with OCD.

For me, it got to the point where I was terrified to even look at another woman, worried I'd think she was attractive. It became a big fear for me. I didn't willingly look at a nude woman (other than my wife) for over a decade. I didn't watch PG-13 movies that I really wanted to see, because I knew there were sexual scenes in them... sometimes no nudity at all, but I was worried. Most R-rated movies weren't even on the table... even if it was one I really wanted to see. But I accepted this and felt like I was okay with it... though I suspect I was suppressing some resentment about it.

I tried to be, what I now call, "the good little boy"... because that's what it felt like... like I was trying to be "perfect" for her... because I knew my wife really struggled with this. And I might have even been able to deal with sacrificing those TV shows and movies and all of that, and even the anxiety and fear that it caused me, if there wasn't one other big problem. You see... for the better part of two decades, I have been in a sexless marriage. We do have sex, occasionally, but only if I initiate and for years, sex barely happened at all. This has destroyed my self-esteem. I began to think I wasn't good enough or attractive enough for my wife or anyone else... that she didn't want me at all, or that she didn't even love me. I can't even count the number of nights I laid next to her in bed and yet I felt so alone. I began to gain weight... which has been a struggle for me throughout our marriage... my mental and emotional health got worse and worse. I struggled with paranoia. At times, I was even suicidal, though thankfully I'm no longer in that state-of-mind.

For several years, I was able to cope with these feelings by pouring everything into my work... finding fulfillment through my career... but recently... when we went into quarantine last year... these feelings started to come out. Once we were together 24/7, things just boiled over in me and I really started to feel resentment toward her. I started struggling with intense feelings of hurt and grief for lost years of our sex life... and silly as this may sound, I REALLY began to resent all the years I spent not watching movies or TV shows for her... and then sometime last year, I just started watching them. I felt like I didn't know why I was sacrificing anymore... and I started watching things I wouldn't have before... but it was almost like too much, too fast for me. Like a switch tripped in my brain and once I saw naked women on screen, it was all I wanted. Maybe I'm addicted, or maybe I was just starved. Or maybe it's just my guilt... I've always struggled with guilt. So, I've been wrestling with this.

Sometimes I go weeks without looking at such images... without watching movies with nudity... but then I start to get frustrated again. I have talked to my wife about it a LOT over the past year. She knows and understands my frustration. She is on a journey of self-discovery herself and suspects that she is on the Autism spectrum... maybe Asperger's, and that has likely made communication difficult for us. Also, I have my own emotional baggage going back to my childhood. There is a lot of stuff that we've just never dealt with, together or individually. For years, I tried to share my sexual frustration with my wife, but she wasn't open to talking about it. She is now, but in some ways... I'm sad to say, I've almost lost interest. That breaks my heart, because I wanted her more than anything for years... but after so much rejection, I just kind of gave up. Now that she's ready to try, it's harder for me.

I think that we both likely need therapy... maybe couples counseling at some point, or a sex therapist... yet in the meantime, I still find myself sexually frustrated and it's not easy to avoid temptation. I'm not even sure it's wrong at this point, which is a strange thing to admit... my wife and I are both longtime Christians... but this, on top of many other things, has really shattered my faith.

And so yes... sometimes I watch movies like that... am I proud of it? Well, no... I mean, it doesn't make me feel good about myself... but neither has the rejection I've felt all these years. And the fear that I'd hurt her all those years almost drove me crazy with guilt and anxiety. So, I can't speak for the men in your life... I can only speak for myself... but just know it's possible that some of these guys are just as damaged as you are and are seeking out porn or nudity because of their own low self-esteem or insecurities. It doesn't mean they don't love you. I'm not defending the men who say cruel things to you... and again, I'm not disregarding anyone's feelings. I just know that this is true in my case... that I am emotionally damaged, hurt and frustrated and that seeing such images does something for my shattered self-esteem... even if just for a moment. I'm not saying it's right or defending it at all... I'm not here to argue that with any of you. Just know that sometimes, there is a lot more going on under the surface.
 
L

Lala3090

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Ok so I am here looking for advice not judgement or opinions on sex/porn

I have a massive phobia of my partner watching anything with any nudity or sex I get anxious feel sick sweat feel unwanted rejected unattractive I just cant bare it and we do avoid it because it is a massive problem It has escalated into an even bigger issue even attractive women on tv or internet or in the street wherever I can't handle it

It all stemmed from around age 18 I am now 29 my ex was abusive and watched pron alot and all the movies he watched had a lot of sex/nudity in which didnt bother me until he started watching porn behind my back and to be fair him watching porn didnt bother me at first we would watch it together until he started chipping away at my self esteem and then it became a massive issue he was both mentally and physically abusive

So fast forward to now I have this huge phobia and it is truly awful I panic and worry alot over it I wont watch a movie with any of this in and if something was to come up I get so angry hurt even though deep down I know its not his fault but it doesn't change how it makes me feel I wish I could put it into words how much I suffer internally it is like pure and utter torture and I am not exactly unattractive and I know he loves me and finds me attractive and so on

Now this is another issue which I have never really told anyone or discussed in any detail as it confuses the hell out of me please don't judge as I am just as confused as you probably will be...

So I have this massive phobia which takes over my life anything to do with other woman nudity or attractive woman which I put down to the abusive ex partner but despite this majority of the time when we have sex my biggest fantasy is my partner having sex with another woman in front of me... yeah confusing so I spend my life panicking but then I fantasize over it? I just don't know what is wrong with me I am to embarrassed to tell anyone about it

I even look up movie content before we watch anything which is rare we do as I avoid TV like the plague he watched a movie about a year ago and I just looked up the content and it had all kinds of nudity and sex init and my hands are sweating heart racing feel sick and actually want to confront him I feel it is getting out of control and ruining my life still after all these years I need actual professional help but how and where I already go to counselling but it is more of a listening thing and I think it would take more to address and sort this than someone just listening to me
this is exactly what I feel the entire post is about me 😭
 
H

Hometownchick

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Ok so I am here looking for advice not judgement or opinions on sex/porn

I have a massive phobia of my partner watching anything with any nudity or sex I get anxious feel sick sweat feel unwanted rejected unattractive I just cant bare it and we do avoid it because it is a massive problem It has escalated into an even bigger issue even attractive women on tv or internet or in the street wherever I can't handle it

It all stemmed from around age 18 I am now 29 my ex was abusive and watched pron alot and all the movies he watched had a lot of sex/nudity in which didnt bother me until he started watching porn behind my back and to be fair him watching porn didnt bother me at first we would watch it together until he started chipping away at my self esteem and then it became a massive issue he was both mentally and physically abusive

So fast forward to now I have this huge phobia and it is truly awful I panic and worry alot over it I wont watch a movie with any of this in and if something was to come up I get so angry hurt even though deep down I know its not his fault but it doesn't change how it makes me feel I wish I could put it into words how much I suffer internally it is like pure and utter torture and I am not exactly unattractive and I know he loves me and finds me attractive and so on

Now this is another issue which I have never really told anyone or discussed in any detail as it confuses the hell out of me please don't judge as I am just as confused as you probably will be...

So I have this massive phobia which takes over my life anything to do with other woman nudity or attractive woman which I put down to the abusive ex partner but despite this majority of the time when we have sex my biggest fantasy is my partner having sex with another woman in front of me... yeah confusing so I spend my life panicking but then I fantasize over it? I just don't know what is wrong with me I am to embarrassed to tell anyone about it

I even look up movie content before we watch anything which is rare we do as I avoid TV like the plague he watched a movie about a year ago and I just looked up the content and it had all kinds of nudity and sex init and my hands are sweating heart racing feel sick and actually want to confront him I feel it is getting out of control and ruining my life still after all these years I need actual professional help but how and where I already go to counselling but it is more of a listening thing and I think it would take more to address and sort this than someone just listening to me
Can someone help me, I need to hear that someone feels the same. I understand this is an opinion and many people see otherwise. I know all the different views on it I’ve seen them all. I am 20 years old I really have a serious problem when it comes to sex and nudity on tv, even the words make me uncomfortable! I’ve had bad experiences as a child due to the amount of sex in films, I’ve had numerous events that add to my phobia of sex and nudity, I have a boyfriend now that treats me perfectly. All I ever wanted. But the issue we have that gets worse every day is his understanding for my issue. It’s ruining our relationship... he loves to watch adult comedy films and I have it in my head that everything he wants to watch is because it contains naked women, it’s like an overwhelming jealousy. It’s been a long time now and he does know what I don’t like to see, although he will still constantly put on the film/tv show until I react and go into this foul mood. He will offer me films that are very clear to have sex or nudity in. And tell me “this is a good film” when the description tells us there’s sex. He doesn’t mean it but it still upsets me I don’t know how to stop him. It’s not a big deal to some although to me it eats me up inside. I feel like there’s no escape, no one gets it! My anger towards sex and nudity on tv is horrendous. I can go into a rant about it and not stop, I find the amount of female nudity degrading. I find it unnecessary and it makes me super uncomfortable, I’m walking on eggshells just watching him scroll through films. I get angry as soon as he shows interest in a film before he even puts it on. I read the parents guide and my day is ruined before even watching it. My hatred is so strong, I can’t watch anything with my family or with my boyfriend anymore because I constantly have to look at naked woman or watch people have sex, if I was in the mood to see that I would search for it on the internet!!!! I know that sex is part of every day life and that’s what people do, but it’s shown far too much, and I feel it needs to be left more a mystery. I don’t feel sex is special I don’t feel that my boyfriend can only look at my body, I want to be the only girl he sees but he can just go on the tv and there it is a woman with big perky boobs and a perfect body. Some things are just meant to be left for the bedroom, but you can just see it on tv, its not special. It’s not romantic. It’s off putting and ruins so many good story lines because of the discomfort it causes. How do you watch any films these days with your family without getting bombarded with porn. I don’t want my vagina to have a heart beat whilst sat with my dad. And yes that can happen, and I HATE IT! I don’t know if that sounds weird? But it does happen, and it makes it worse for me as then I feel like my boyfriend is definitely getting turned on by these nude woman and sexual scenes on tv. I get the same thing with his mates sending him anything to do with a naked female or sex. It’s unbearable !!!! I just want to know if anyone can relate to this and the amount of anger towards it? When he tells me a good film he watched once, I search the parents guide and straight away I see how much sex and nude woman there is in it and I feel sick I’m angry at him and we weren’t even together then!!! I know it’s ridiculous, I know lots of people won’t understand. But this is me and this is my feelings, I need support but I don’t know where to look for it.
I am so so happy I found this thread! I wondered if I was crazy, too damaged or even ruined because I share these thoughts and feelings about nudity online and on tv. It angers me to no end that women are shown naked or nearly naked so much. I can say its certainly not equal objectivacation of women and men.. It angers me that some women allow and are so eager themselves to be objectified as just sexual objects and toys for men's pleasure. Why do women wish to degrade themselves and other women. It drives me crazy to have to sit and watch a movie or show or even music videos with naked women or nearly naked women with my husband viewing these women as well. I morally feel like it is wrong for my husband to see any other woman but me naked. Women on tv are real women, just because its on tv does not make me feel any better or see things differently. I've come not watch movies with female nudity which means my husband does not either. I've often asked him, "how would you feel if you had to sit with me and be bombarded with naked unrealistic male bodies on screen?" I dont think its wrong to set boundaries or standards in a marriage. I told my husband before marriage that this behavior will not be tolerated. It was a deal breaker for me because I find it so incredibly disrespectful and disgusting to view other women in such an intimate state when a man is married and in a committed relationship. I have no desire to even look at or notice other men and I expect the same from my partner. I think more women need to speak up and stand up for themselves, their relationship and other women to say this culture of objectifying and putting unrealistic expectations of how women look should out there in our faces needs to stop! For our daughters, for our future generations of women...we need to start a revolution!
 
girlwiththekittytattoo

girlwiththekittytattoo

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Before I begin, I read there was a group chat somewhere for people like us? Please, if it's still open and active, I'd love to be part of it!

I know this was started a couple of months ago but I just wanted to say I just created an account for this forum because I found this. This is something that I've been struggling with for years and a lot of these responses felt like I could have written them...it's crazy to think I'm not alone and in a way it makes me feel better. There's also the flip side of the coin in which it makes me even more frustrated about the ways of the world and that we even have to deal with this. I've personally avoided looking up anything about my struggles for years in fear of judgment...I kind of just thought I was the only one because it seems like the majority of people don't have a problem with Western over-sexualized society.

To be clear, I deal with pretty bad panic attacks when I see nudity and sexual content in media, even just cleavage, and that worsens if my partner sees it. I'm honestly not sure where it stemmed from but I think it's always been with me. I'm a CSA survivor but this developed before it ever happened to me and, as far as I'm aware, none of my partners have cheated on me. I think it has a lot to do with my very negative and low perception of myself and body image. Now, there is a part of me that fundamentally believes in a monogamous relationship it's wrong for a committed man to seek out or watch women in a sexual manner (and vice versa). The majority of the time especially in mainstream Hollywood films and series, there's no furthering of the plot nor character development when these scenes happen, it's purely just objectification and catering to the male gaze. It's intimate and to watch that is like lusting after another woman. They're still real women and them being on a screen doesn't change that, and I don't think there's anything wrong with setting boundaries in a relationship because I want to be with a partner who holds the same values as I do when it comes to fidelity.

However, I know that my anxiety as a whole is a separate thing that I should work on for myself and my partner. I can do all that I can to avoid sexual content in media like the plague (which I do, like using pureflix or checking the parental guide for literally everything I watch), but it's so exhausting because I can't possibly avoid the billboards and YouTube ads that can potentially be triggering, or if I'm over at someone's house and they have something on their TV. It used to be where I couldn't even go outside for a year because women in real life would trigger me (I've somehow gotten a bit better, but still...it's a struggle). My reactions are pretty severe like some other people have written here, such as feeling nauseated, dizzy/tunnel vision, uncontrollable crying, and honestly sometimes I even start spacing out.

I don't think I'm quite ready to seek help yet because I've had bad experiences with therapy but I think finding this forum and hopefully talking to other people like me is going to be the first step in me getting somewhere in my recovery.
 
H

Hometownchick

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Before I begin, I read there was a group chat somewhere for people like us? Please, if it's still open and active, I'd love to be part of it!

I know this was started a couple of months ago but I just wanted to say I just created an account for this forum because I found this. This is something that I've been struggling with for years and a lot of these responses felt like I could have written them...it's crazy to think I'm not alone and in a way it makes me feel better. There's also the flip side of the coin in which it makes me even more frustrated about the ways of the world and that we even have to deal with this. I've personally avoided looking up anything about my struggles for years in fear of judgment...I kind of just thought I was the only one because it seems like the majority of people don't have a problem with Western over-sexualized society.

To be clear, I deal with pretty bad panic attacks when I see nudity and sexual content in media, even just cleavage, and that worsens if my partner sees it. I'm honestly not sure where it stemmed from but I think it's always been with me. I'm a CSA survivor but this developed before it ever happened to me and, as far as I'm aware, none of my partners have cheated on me. I think it has a lot to do with my very negative and low perception of myself and body image. Now, there is a part of me that fundamentally believes in a monogamous relationship it's wrong for a committed man to seek out or watch women in a sexual manner (and vice versa). The majority of the time especially in mainstream Hollywood films and series, there's no furthering of the plot nor character development when these scenes happen, it's purely just objectification and catering to the male gaze. It's intimate and to watch that is like lusting after another woman. They're still real women and them being on a screen doesn't change that, and I don't think there's anything wrong with setting boundaries in a relationship because I want to be with a partner who holds the same values as I do when it comes to fidelity.

However, I know that my anxiety as a whole is a separate thing that I should work on for myself and my partner. I can do all that I can to avoid sexual content in media like the plague (which I do, like using pureflix or checking the parental guide for literally everything I watch), but it's so exhausting because I can't possibly avoid the billboards and YouTube ads that can potentially be triggering, or if I'm over at someone's house and they have something on their TV. It used to be where I couldn't even go outside for a year because women in real life would trigger me (I've somehow gotten a bit better, but still...it's a struggle). My reactions are pretty severe like some other people have written here, such as feeling nauseated, dizzy/tunnel vision, uncontrollable crying, and honestly sometimes I even start spacing out.

I don't think I'm quite ready to seek help yet because I've had bad experiences with therapy but I think finding this forum and hopefully talking to other people like me is going to be the first step in me getting somewhere in my recovery.

I created this account just for this thread. My marriage is on the rocks because of this issue. Just 2 nights ago my husband tells me of a movie he's been watching clips of on YouTube that he wanted to see. So I look it up and it contains 4 to 5 scenes of female nudity, no male nudity at all and looks to me like a typical disgusting "guy" movie. So I tell him that, and that I dont feel comfortable with him nor I watching a movie thats so blatantly geared towards men. Its disgusting. He disagreed and called me crazy and said it shouldn't be a big deal. Its just a movie.. I tried to explain why I thought the way I did and he didn't care, he just thought it was all about control. Which I guess it is cause I do try to control what we watch so that I do not suffer the extreme physical and mental distress that I do in situations like that. But not because I want to "control" him per sey but because I dont want to be hurt and have to sit there watching him watch these perfect unrealistic naked women. I try to explain to him, let's watch Magic Mike and see how you feel. He just continues to put me down and call me crazy. How can he not be sensitive to my emotions at all? How can he not understand that i would be tortured? Is it so important to see the stupid movies and shows he would risk our marriage? I dont consider myself unattractive but I can say that I get no validation or compliments from my husband and he tends to be not so loving most of the time. Im so disappointed in his behavior it makes my heart hurt. How can I even try to change my behavior and thoughts on the subject to try to satisfy him if he trys to make me feel insecure and so obviously disrespects and disregards my feelings? Why should I have too??I think Media now adays is the problem. Men have been groomed over the years to be voyeuristic and women have been shamed into silence and forced to deal with all of these perfect images being shoved down our and our men's throats. I wish it would change. Its really quite a disgusting societal trend. Our society has placed such unreasonable and unrealistic expectations on us women, and men have absolutely nothing like this to deal with so how would they understand I guess? More women need to take a stand towards their men and Hollywood and against the blatant exploitation of women in the media..and women need to stop exploiting themselves for the sake of money and men' pleasure. So.. with all that being said...You are not alone.. YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALONE.
 
girlwiththekittytattoo

girlwiththekittytattoo

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I created this account just for this thread. My marriage is on the rocks because of this issue. Just 2 nights ago my husband tells me of a movie he's been watching clips of on YouTube that he wanted to see. So I look it up and it contains 4 to 5 scenes of female nudity, no male nudity at all and looks to me like a typical disgusting "guy" movie. So I tell him that, and that I dont feel comfortable with him nor I watching a movie thats so blatantly geared towards men. Its disgusting. He disagreed and called me crazy and said it shouldn't be a big deal. Its just a movie.. I tried to explain why I thought the way I did and he didn't care, he just thought it was all about control. Which I guess it is cause I do try to control what we watch so that I do not suffer the extreme physical and mental distress that I do in situations like that. But not because I want to "control" him per sey but because I dont want to be hurt and have to sit there watching him watch these perfect unrealistic naked women. I try to explain to him, let's watch Magic Mike and see how you feel. He just continues to put me down and call me crazy. How can he not be sensitive to my emotions at all? How can he not understand that i would be tortured? Is it so important to see the stupid movies and shows he would risk our marriage? I dont consider myself unattractive but I can say that I get no validation or compliments from my husband and he tends to be not so loving most of the time. Im so disappointed in his behavior it makes my heart hurt. How can I even try to change my behavior and thoughts on the subject to try to satisfy him if he trys to make me feel insecure and so obviously disrespects and disregards my feelings? Why should I have too??I think Media now adays is the problem. Men have been groomed over the years to be voyeuristic and women have been shamed into silence and forced to deal with all of these perfect images being shoved down our and our men's throats. I wish it would change. Its really quite a disgusting societal trend. Our society has placed such unreasonable and unrealistic expectations on us women, and men have absolutely nothing like this to deal with so how would they understand I guess? More women need to take a stand towards their men and Hollywood and against the blatant exploitation of women in the media..and women need to stop exploiting themselves for the sake of money and men' pleasure. So.. with all that being said...You are not alone.. YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALONE.
I am so sorry to hear this. Honestly, I felt a bit sick reading about his responses and actions. It is absolutely not okay for him to call you crazy or make you feel unwanted. It boggles my mind that he thinks it should be acceptable for him to ogle other women in intimate/sexual moments when he's supposed to be in a committed marriage, but it downright infuriates me that he thinks this while he still doesn't make an effort to make you feel secure. I definitely agree with you that this is a problem in society and a disgusting societal trend. Oversexualization and essentially the dehumanization of women for male pleasure has been so normalized and it isn't fair to anyone. But I think this is also a him problem, too. You're right and you should keep asking yourself this question: Are these movies that much more important than your feelings and the relationship?

I also want to suggest this. If he's open to having this discussion at all, maybe you could suggest he watch the movie but skip the nudity/sex scenes? Typically these scenes are not there to carry the plot forward anyway or provide any character development, it's usually for the exact purpose you stated which is geared towards men. So that being said, if he's really not watching the movie because of the nudity or truly doesn't care about it, 9 times out of 10 he shouldn't have a problem skipping those scenes or simply getting up to make a cup of joe or something. It also may help you to feel less like you're "controlling" him and more that the two of you are making a compromise. And if you haven't already, you should definitely communicate with him about how you feel insecure and how his lack of assurance and care is affecting you. Just don't run yourself ragged trying to explain over and over though if it becomes obvious he doesn't care to change..
 
H

Hometownchick

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So no, he has not tried to reassure me at all. The opposite.. He is quite firm on his stance that I am crazy and its all me. Even after I try to explain why I feel this way. I am also a sexual abuse survivor so I try to explain why I feel the way I do about this subject. And that I feel like the viewing of another woman's naked body for pleasure is against my standards on marriage and for myself. He hates the fact that I make this an issue and tells me I'm broken. He tells me to tell others how I feel and they will think I am crazy too. Maybe they will, I dont know..but why should I have to be the one to compromise and allow this behavior. I do not even like 99.99 percent of movies. Never have been a movie or fake show type of person. If I am watching TV, its typically something that I can learn from...not Hollywood smut with bad acting and bad storylines that have already been done and redone 350 times. Its like now adays its a race to see who can put the most female nudity on screen....and people still watch. Its so disheartening. Im torn because I love my husband and I want him to have a fulfilled life, however I feel like I would resent him too much to continue on with the marriage if I am made to compromise..
 
girlwiththekittytattoo

girlwiththekittytattoo

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nowhere & now here
So no, he has not tried to reassure me at all. The opposite.. He is quite firm on his stance that I am crazy and its all me. Even after I try to explain why I feel this way. I am also a sexual abuse survivor so I try to explain why I feel the way I do about this subject. And that I feel like the viewing of another woman's naked body for pleasure is against my standards on marriage and for myself. He hates the fact that I make this an issue and tells me I'm broken. He tells me to tell others how I feel and they will think I am crazy too. Maybe they will, I dont know..but why should I have to be the one to compromise and allow this behavior. I do not even like 99.99 percent of movies. Never have been a movie or fake show type of person. If I am watching TV, its typically something that I can learn from...not Hollywood smut with bad acting and bad storylines that have already been done and redone 350 times. Its like now adays its a race to see who can put the most female nudity on screen....and people still watch. Its so disheartening. Im torn because I love my husband and I want him to have a fulfilled life, however I feel like I would resent him too much to continue on with the marriage if I am made to compromise..
It's not my place to decide for you or anything like that but I will say that I've found that incompatibility like this can typically lead to resentment and it's just not healthy. It will probably not serve you well. My belief is that if a relationship goes against someone's standards especially when it comes to monogamy and fidelity, that person shouldn't compromise nor allow that behavior.
 
E

Elbeans

Member
Joined
Jul 20, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Lancaster, Lancashire
I just signed up so I can interact with this thread. Im nearly 29 and have been dealing with this since I was 18. I was just talking to my ex at work about 'sex scenes' and tried to stay calm but still felt all that sickness and anxiety just from that so I googled and found this thread. I can't even watch the Great British Sewing Bee with a partner without having a panic attack about the models at the end. IT'S SO ANNOYING AND SILLY AND I CAN'T MAKE IT STOP.
 
R

R00

Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2021
Messages
5
Location
84780
I know this is gonna get buried and my experience is a little different but I really need to get this out to people who may understand how I'm feeling.

Okay, prepare for a novel:

I'm 19 and female, and I've been struggling with this shit since I was like..10 but it's been increasingly worse since I got into a serious relationship with my boyfriend.

I believe it all really started due to me being abused by my cousin when I was 5. It's anticlimactic but I was touched inappropriately 1 time...but that's all it took. I ended up feeling things I didn't understand at way too young of age and I ran into a lot of sexual stuff on the internet and I was curious as hell. I couldn't understand my body or what I was feeling but eventually...I was caught...and scolded...a LOT and this scolding by parents and grandparents built a sense of intense shame as I grew up.

It got worse when my grandma and aunts ganged up on me over a very serious and emotionly draining incident that would take forever to explain. It was sex related and even though I didn't do anything wrong, they said and did whatever they thought they could to get me to confess to it. It was very detrimental to my mental state.

Anyway...since then anytime I see a sex scene, hear a sex scene (moaning, etc), or anyone even MENTIONS anything about sex/r*pe I go into a complete melt down. It's almost instant too. And it gets really bad...

I have an anxiety disorder on top of this so it really doesn't help. I go into panic/anxiety attacks and it can be really hard to come back out of it.

These happen a lot, especially since my mom loves adult tv. I'm still living at home, but recently I've been staying at my boyfriend's more and more to try and escape the absolute torture I inevitably suffer at home. My boyfriend is very understanding and he tries his best to not watch anything that has sex or nudity in it when I'm around. But he still watches stuff when I'm not around and I know about it and it kills me.

I know it shouldn't, it's not really my business what he watches... But it absolutely kills me at the thought of him watching stuff like that, and then proceeding to also be intimate with me later. I don't know why it bothers me so bad, the best way I can explain it is it feels kind of like a mom who doesn't want to know that her kid watches p*rn but she does anyway.

And I know that he's not actively seeking it out for pleasure or anything like that, most of the time he just really likes the rest of the movie and that just happens to be in it, just like the situation for my mom. However it just absolutely kills me and I don't know what to do about it because even just the mere thought of him watching stuff just sends me into a complete meltdown.

And I know I keep saying it gets worse, but it really does. Not only does he watch these shows, but he actually watches them with my mom sometimes, which bothers me even more because for me it's just absolutely disgusting and it just really upsets me.

Like how can you see that as entertainment? And how can you stand to watch that with MY mother?? Now granted again I know they're not watching it actively for that reason, but it's almost like every time my mom recommends a show for my boyfriend to watch, it actively has sex in it.

Perfect example: about a month ago my mom recommended watching the girl next door to my boyfriend, and in case the audience isn't aware of what that show is about, it's basically a kid falling in love with a p*rn star who lives next door. You can clearly see where this is going...

Not to mention my mom insisted that he watched pulp fiction which I also don't know if the audience knows but that has r*pe in it...sorry I had to ruin it for you if you were interested...

Anyway...I know I can't force him to not watch that stuff and I can't possibly ask either of them to never watch it...but it literally eats me alive when I hear a sex scene come on screen In the next room and I KNOW he's watching it...

He's really sensitive to my anxiety otherwise...but I still resent that part of him he isn't able to give up and I hate that too! I want him to watch whatever he wants...but holy f*ck it hurts me..

And it causes me to hurt myself too.. but hey I'll be 1 month self harm free as of the 4th...

One last thing I'll say. I'm not too sure it's an entirely sexual phobia considering that I still want to be intimate with my bf...but it really gets hard after I have an episode and it can shut me down for days...

And yeah, I also have started looking up the ratings on movies and tv before we watch them. And a couple times they've been clear, other times not so much. My bf has even told me about movies that are coming out in the future that has nudity/sex in them to try and help me avoid them...but ultimately it just makes me feel worse. I feel like a two year old who has to have hands over my eyes constantly.

I also can't handle sex in books or music...which becomes a problem really fast too. I don't know if anyone has noticed lately but music has a LOT of sex in it too..again sorry I'm ruining everything for everyone...I'm just so sensitive and in tune to my surroundings that I end up getting triggered by literally almost everything...

Overall my boyfriend tries his best to protect me...but it also just brings attention to me which makes my anxiety think it needs to show up and make things worse haha..

If anyone else feels like this, please please please reply, I feel so alone here and no one understands my pain like I need them to. Thanks for listening. Have a good day everyone.
 
K

kimjunmyoen

Member
Joined
May 30, 2021
Messages
6
Location
london
I know this is gonna get buried and my experience is a little different but I really need to get this out to people who may understand how I'm feeling.

Okay, prepare for a novel:

I'm 19 and female, and I've been struggling with this shit since I was like..10 but it's been increasingly worse since I got into a serious relationship with my boyfriend.

I believe it all really started due to me being abused by my cousin when I was 5. It's anticlimactic but I was touched inappropriately 1 time...but that's all it took. I ended up feeling things I didn't understand at way too young of age and I ran into a lot of sexual stuff on the internet and I was curious as hell. I couldn't understand my body or what I was feeling but eventually...I was caught...and scolded...a LOT and this scolding by parents and grandparents built a sense of intense shame as I grew up.

It got worse when my grandma and aunts ganged up on me over a very serious and emotionly draining incident that would take forever to explain. It was sex related and even though I didn't do anything wrong, they said and did whatever they thought they could to get me to confess to it. It was very detrimental to my mental state.

Anyway...since then anytime I see a sex scene, hear a sex scene (moaning, etc), or anyone even MENTIONS anything about sex/r*pe I go into a complete melt down. It's almost instant too. And it gets really bad...

I have an anxiety disorder on top of this so it really doesn't help. I go into panic/anxiety attacks and it can be really hard to come back out of it.

These happen a lot, especially since my mom loves adult tv. I'm still living at home, but recently I've been staying at my boyfriend's more and more to try and escape the absolute torture I inevitably suffer at home. My boyfriend is very understanding and he tries his best to not watch anything that has sex or nudity in it when I'm around. But he still watches stuff when I'm not around and I know about it and it kills me.

I know it shouldn't, it's not really my business what he watches... But it absolutely kills me at the thought of him watching stuff like that, and then proceeding to also be intimate with me later. I don't know why it bothers me so bad, the best way I can explain it is it feels kind of like a mom who doesn't want to know that her kid watches p*rn but she does anyway.

And I know that he's not actively seeking it out for pleasure or anything like that, most of the time he just really likes the rest of the movie and that just happens to be in it, just like the situation for my mom. However it just absolutely kills me and I don't know what to do about it because even just the mere thought of him watching stuff just sends me into a complete meltdown.

And I know I keep saying it gets worse, but it really does. Not only does he watch these shows, but he actually watches them with my mom sometimes, which bothers me even more because for me it's just absolutely disgusting and it just really upsets me.

Like how can you see that as entertainment? And how can you stand to watch that with MY mother?? Now granted again I know they're not watching it actively for that reason, but it's almost like every time my mom recommends a show for my boyfriend to watch, it actively has sex in it.

Perfect example: about a month ago my mom recommended watching the girl next door to my boyfriend, and in case the audience isn't aware of what that show is about, it's basically a kid falling in love with a p*rn star who lives next door. You can clearly see where this is going...

Not to mention my mom insisted that he watched pulp fiction which I also don't know if the audience knows but that has r*pe in it...sorry I had to ruin it for you if you were interested...

Anyway...I know I can't force him to not watch that stuff and I can't possibly ask either of them to never watch it...but it literally eats me alive when I hear a sex scene come on screen In the next room and I KNOW he's watching it...

He's really sensitive to my anxiety otherwise...but I still resent that part of him he isn't able to give up and I hate that too! I want him to watch whatever he wants...but holy f*ck it hurts me..

And it causes me to hurt myself too.. but hey I'll be 1 month self harm free as of the 4th...

One last thing I'll say. I'm not too sure it's an entirely sexual phobia considering that I still want to be intimate with my bf...but it really gets hard after I have an episode and it can shut me down for days...

And yeah, I also have started looking up the ratings on movies and tv before we watch them. And a couple times they've been clear, other times not so much. My bf has even told me about movies that are coming out in the future that has nudity/sex in them to try and help me avoid them...but ultimately it just makes me feel worse. I feel like a two year old who has to have hands over my eyes constantly.

I also can't handle sex in books or music...which becomes a problem really fast too. I don't know if anyone has noticed lately but music has a LOT of sex in it too..again sorry I'm ruining everything for everyone...I'm just so sensitive and in tune to my surroundings that I end up getting triggered by literally almost everything...

Overall my boyfriend tries his best to protect me...but it also just brings attention to me which makes my anxiety think it needs to show up and make things worse haha..

If anyone else feels like this, please please please reply, I feel so alone here and no one understands my pain like I need them to. Thanks for listening. Have a good day everyone.
hey just read your post and i’m in the same boat sort of, i hate sex scenes so much it’s unreal, it’s coming to the point where i have such a huge fear of it, whenever i see one come on tv whilst i’m watching a movie i feel like throwing my remote at it and just screaming into the pillow, why the hell is everything so hypersexualised, i stopped watching porn after me and my boyfriend started dating, my boyfriend says he’s stopped watching porn too bc he knew that i felt uncomfortable with it, is he telling the truth? i guess we’ll never know, but when i see sexual tiktoks youtube videos etc, it enrages me so bad like why are humans like this it’s so disgusting, i never got bothered by sex scenes until i started dating my boyfriend, and now i have a problem with anything sexual in the media (even though i have sex with my boyfriend regularly) it’s very hard for me to distinguish between reality and fiction.
You’re not alone bc it’s honestly makes me anxious too, my bf knows i hate sex scenes but he says we can always skip them but it still puts me off, i guess it’s coming to the point where i sort of hate men in a way bc they’re sort of the reason why eveything is so hyper sexualised, i don’t want to hate men bc i know so many good men and that men irl aren’t all like that, the whole discourse between men and women hurts my head too much as a woman bc i never had a crap encounter w a man and it’s coming to the point where i get disgusted when men sexualise women on tv even tho women do the same thing so i’m sort of turning into a hypocrite in a way like sort of dictating what i think men should and shouldn’t do, anyway sorry if that seems a little off topic i just needed to vent, i just wanted to share my experience with you since i relate so much. i hope when we’re older we can recover from this soon bc i feel as if it will affect me and my boyfriends relationship
 
R

R00

Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2021
Messages
5
Location
84780
hey just read your post and i’m in the same boat sort of, i hate sex scenes so much it’s unreal, it’s coming to the point where i have such a huge fear of it, whenever i see one come on tv whilst i’m watching a movie i feel like throwing my remote at it and just screaming into the pillow, why the hell is everything so hypersexualised, i stopped watching porn after me and my boyfriend started dating, my boyfriend says he’s stopped watching porn too bc he knew that i felt uncomfortable with it, is he telling the truth? i guess we’ll never know, but when i see sexual tiktoks youtube videos etc, it enrages me so bad like why are humans like this it’s so disgusting, i never got bothered by sex scenes until i started dating my boyfriend, and now i have a problem with anything sexual in the media (even though i have sex with my boyfriend regularly) it’s very hard for me to distinguish between reality and fiction.
You’re not alone bc it’s honestly makes me anxious too, my bf knows i hate sex scenes but he says we can always skip them but it still puts me off, i guess it’s coming to the point where i sort of hate men in a way bc they’re sort of the reason why eveything is so hyper sexualised, i don’t want to hate men bc i know so many good men and that men irl aren’t all like that, the whole discourse between men and women hurts my head too much as a woman bc i never had a crap encounter w a man and it’s coming to the point where i get disgusted when men sexualise women on tv even tho women do the same thing so i’m sort of turning into a hypocrite in a way like sort of dictating what i think men should and shouldn’t do, anyway sorry if that seems a little off topic i just needed to vent, i just wanted to share my experience with you since i relate so much. i hope when we’re older we can recover from this soon bc i feel as if it will affect me and my boyfriends relationship
I feel this SO MUCH you have NO idea. I also haven't had this problem nearly as bad until I started dating my boyfriend. I had never actually had sex before until him, it's a bit complicated but I had a not so good encounter with a female I won't name, and it left me very confused and I didn't realize until I was older that it was peer pressured and borderline abuse..anyway, other than that I had sworn off sex for almost my whole life. I was terrified of intimacy and being vulnerable with someone like that, especially a man.

But my man is so sweet and considerate, that things thankfully worked themselves out. However it seems that gained intimacy has come at a price for me now.

I also get incredibly angry at media over their sexualization of women and people in general. I'm bisexual and I will admit women are very attractive, but I don't want to see a women fully naked on a screen in my open living room. 🙄

And I struggle with opening the internet pretty much everyday. Just like you said it's everywhere. Even watching my innocent dog and cat tiktoks there's always some girl who has to wear a skimpy outfit and talk about her only fans.

I have no problem with people doing their own thing but...it's increasingly obvious just how much sex sells. And it seriously bothers me. It makes me feel so inhuman but at the same time even more so a human...if that makes sense...??? Like...I am on the same ground level as these other humans...and yet I feel so dirty whenever anything sexual is on tv, or in a book, or song, etc.

I've had many conversations with my boyfriend about it and he honestly can't really wrap my head around his (excuse my language) non-give-a-shit attitude towards sex and nudity in all forms of media. I just can't understand how he can sit through a 30 second (or longer) sex scene and not wanna just punch a damn hole in the wall haha.

I don't honestly think I'll ever not feel this way, but I hope at least I can learn to cope better and not have such intense reactions. I was talking to my bf and a friend of my mom's who's daughter has a service dog who trains in anxiety and seizers. I'm hoping someday I can get a dog who can be taught compression therapy and help me ease my attacks. :)

Anyway enough about me. I'm glad you can still be intimate with your partner and he tries to understand you. I also hope we can get older and not have this plague us for the rest of our lives.

Thank you for replying to me, it felt so good to read your comment and basically feel validated with every word. I hope you're doing okay today. It's okay to have bad days every once in a while. Just don't let it overtake you. ( I admit I still have trouble with that sometimes..it takes one step at a time. ;) )
 
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