Huge phobia of sex scenes/nudity

[darksouls]

Ok so I am here looking for advice not judgement or opinions on sex/porn

I have a massive phobia of my partner watching anything with any nudity or sex I get anxious feel sick sweat feel unwanted rejected unattractive I just cant bare it and we do avoid it because it is a massive problem It has escalated into an even bigger issue even attractive women on tv or internet or in the street wherever I can't handle it

It all stemmed from around age 18 I am now 29 my ex was abusive and watched pron alot and all the movies he watched had a lot of sex/nudity in which didnt bother me until he started watching porn behind my back and to be fair him watching porn didnt bother me at first we would watch it together until he started chipping away at my self esteem and then it became a massive issue he was both mentally and physically abusive

So fast forward to now I have this huge phobia and it is truly awful I panic and worry alot over it I wont watch a movie with any of this in and if something was to come up I get so angry hurt even though deep down I know its not his fault but it doesn't change how it makes me feel I wish I could put it into words how much I suffer internally it is like pure and utter torture and I am not exactly unattractive and I know he loves me and finds me attractive and so on

Now this is another issue which I have never really told anyone or discussed in any detail as it confuses the hell out of me please don't judge as I am just as confused as you probably will be...

So I have this massive phobia which takes over my life anything to do with other woman nudity or attractive woman which I put down to the abusive ex partner but despite this majority of the time when we have sex my biggest fantasy is my partner having sex with another woman in front of me... yeah confusing so I spend my life panicking but then I fantasize over it? I just don't know what is wrong with me I am to embarrassed to tell anyone about it

I even look up movie content before we watch anything which is rare we do as I avoid TV like the plague he watched a movie about a year ago and I just looked up the content and it had all kinds of nudity and sex init and my hands are sweating heart racing feel sick and actually want to confront him I feel it is getting out of control and ruining my life still after all these years I need actual professional help but how and where I already go to counselling but it is more of a listening thing and I think it would take more to address and sort this than someone just listening to me

 

[schizophrenic123]

Hi I’m so sorry that your ex treated you awful. You might want to talk with your therapist about the abuse, It’s effecting your present relationship. Try watching something with sexual situations in it by yourself and see if you can find the reason your uncomfortable. It sounds to me like it all stems from your ex but I could be wrong. I can understand your decision to not include watching porn in your daily life but watching sex scenes with your partner can be a turn on, I hope you get more comfortable with yourself again so the sex doesn’t bother you anymore.

 

[Under_The_Moon]

I can understand why you feel the way you do. First of all, if he spends his time playing with himself watching porn when he has a pretty woman who wants to be with him then he is the one with issues, not you.
But aside from that, I imagine especially for a woman it wouldn't feel nice to have someone they are with prefer to be looking at other women all the time rather then looking at you with love and lust exclusively. Not only that, but porn is always flawless looking people. Most men don't make a ruler look small, but all the men in porn do. The women always have perfect bodies and look like Barbie dolls. I'm a decent looking man with nothing to be ashamed of downstairs, but if I was with a woman who wanted to be looking at those flawless men in porn rather then me, I would feel awful. But I wouldn't put up with it and stick around.

 

[Jenldaley]

I can’t believe there’s others who feel like me. I would really like the opportunity to talk.

 

[AntipsychoticREFUGEE]

Good to read that i'm not only onion of chastity here. Does it have to be phobia? Some time ago in mini-market I opened porn magazine and lady legs east-west and the first sensation was that too raunchy. So leaning on lingerie images.

 

[Dora]

Hello, I also have this phobia. It’s like I can’t breathe when there’s a naked woman on tv or when my boyfriends mates send him porn. I feel so hurt and uncomfortable with myself and betrayed. I was raped when I was 12 by my boyfriend which was older than me and had a lot of porn/images of naked woman on his wall so it has been with me a long time as I’m now in my 30s. My past boyfriends have cheated or had porn on there phones also. I feel like I am really screwed up by all these past events and I can’t trust my current boyfriend. I have explained my past and yet he won’t ask his mates not to send the porn. It’s like he doesn’t care about my feelings at all.

 

[Annon123]

Hi @darksouls a little late to the thread here. Everything you have said i am the EXACT same. Even with the fantasy part.

I genuinely think there are so many other women like this but feel like we shouldn't be as we get labelled crazy etc.
Have you had any help ? i have tried but didn't get anywhere i don't know the best source to help with this.

I am not insecure and am attractive myself but its like a protectiveness and i have been the same in all relationships.

I would love to speak so more!

the only time i don't have these issues is when i am single which makes me want to be as ic ant live like this.

 

[Annon123]

Hello, I also have this phobia. It’s like I can’t breathe when there’s a naked woman on tv or when my boyfriends mates send him porn. I feel so hurt and uncomfortable with myself and betrayed. I was raped when I was 12 by my boyfriend which was older than me and had a lot of porn/images of naked woman on his wall so it has been with me a long time as I’m now in my 30s. My past boyfriends have cheated or had porn on there phones also. I feel like I am really screwed up by all these past events and I can’t trust my current boyfriend. I have explained my past and yet he won’t ask his mates not to send the porn. It’s like he doesn’t care about my feelings at all.

I am nearly 30 and have had this since being 16! it never leaves. do we have to live with it forever?!

my first ever boyfriend cheated on me so maybe this is where it stemmed from but neither of past relationships after this have.

The porn that gets sent via whatsapp / messenger etc really hurts! Then shows like G.O.T and movies.. nudity is everywhere

 

[Jenldaley]

I don’t come on here often. I really would like to talk. M

Hello, I also have this phobia. It’s like I can’t breathe when there’s a naked woman on tv or when my boyfriends mates send him porn. I feel so hurt and uncomfortable with myself and betrayed. I was raped when I was 12 by my boyfriend which was older than me and had a lot of porn/images of naked woman on his wall so it has been with me a long time as I’m now in my 30s. My past boyfriends have cheated or had porn on there phones also. I feel like I am really screwed up by all these past events and I can’t trust my current boyfriend. I have explained my past and yet he won’t ask his mates not to send the porn. It’s like he doesn’t care about my feelings at all.

i feel the same exact way

 

[QueenToeBean]

I'm so happy I found this thread and that I'm not alone. I really struggle with this and it is affecting my relationship massively. I don't know what/who to blame for the way films and tv shows are today!

 

[Phsyco Mad Alice 1357]

Hello I'm going through the same thing with me husband. I have been dealing with this for 5 years now. I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one going through this. I would like to discuss this with you more if that's ok.

 

[QueenToeBean]

Always up for a discussion regarding this. Its extremely refreshing knowing there are other people who feel the same.

 

[Devilfairy500]

Hello everyone, I feel a sense of relief knowing that other people are in the same situation.

I got married at the naive age of 18 thinking married life would be fine and dandy now that we had each other. We used to watch movies together, go out together and was madly in love with each other. At the age of 22, I caught my husband watching porn and from there everything changed. I became paranoid and had to check the rating of every show we watched. My husband soon became aware of how i was feeling and he has been very supportive about it. He doesnt watch rude shows or movies and hasn't watched porn again knowing how much it hurt me. Although he is very supportive, there are only so many PG TV shows and movies we can watch without running out of boring shows. I want to feel how I felt before I caught him watching porn, I want to feel like an adult who can sit through a movie without feeling worried about what nude scene is going to pop up on the screen!! Anyways, Im 29 years old now and I still feel the same way, I have also avoided the TV like the plague but with all the trending TV shows like game of thrones and bridgerton, it's hard to feel like we are missing out because of my own paranoia issues

If anyway wants to talk further I would really appreciate it and I would love to know everyone else's take on this. Thank you for reading

 

[MissTulip]

@Devilfairy500
I never thought anyone else felt this way. I know to some people it isn’t a big deal to see nudity or for their partner to see nudity but it absolutely destroys me. I sweat, get sick, feel like I’m going to throw up and poop myself at the same time, get angry, sad, and feel worthless. I was always so scared to tell anyone because I was embarrassed they would say something like “Grow up” or “it’s only porn, get over it”.

I even put off looking up to see if anyone else had this problem out of fear of judgment. I’m glad I got up the courage to research this topic and I thank god for the person who started this thread. I’m comforted knowing I’m not the only one, but it makes me so sad to think that others have the same challenges as me, because I know how hard it is.

I’m seeking help and trying to find the right psychiatrist, but I’m so afraid therapy won’t work.

It has recently gotten really bad. I no longer go on Facebook or Instagram. Like you, I can hardly even watch tv anymore. When my husband is watching something I quickly google the parental guide to see if it has any nudity and if it does I freak out and feel sick, worthless, etc. I feel like there is nudity everywhere and it’s only getting worse. It makes me feel like I’m in a hole I can’t escape.

I’m not an unattractive person and I know my husband loves me and is my number one supporter, but for some reason I’m so insecure about this.

My husband and I got married young too. Him 19 and me 18. I’m 21 now, but have been struggling with this my whole life. For as long as I remember I’ve had issues like this. If any nudity was on tv or a poster and a male saw it I would be in hysterics. I can remember as far back as about age 5/6.

I’m glad you mentioned game of thrones. That was a huge issue for me. I felt terrible because he wanted to watch it because everyone at his work was talking about it and he felt left out. He’s never been one to watch porn or enjoy things like that, but I still felt so betrayed by him wanting to watch the show. I know he wanted to watch it for the story and not the sex, but it still hurt so bad. We only got through the first episode. I was hold back throwing up the whole time and I just curled up into a ball and cried on the couch. I know that sounds irrational and I understand that it is but it was traumatizing for me.

I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through the this. Just know that you are not alone<3

I feel like I can finally say what I’ve been holding in for years. Thank you for reading. I’d really like to talk further as well if I didn’t scare you away with my long, over sharing post lol!

 

[Devilfairy500]

Maybe I can private message you so we discuss this issue further