Huge phobia of sex scenes/nudity

[darksouls]

Ok so I am here looking for advice not judgement or opinions on sex/porn

I have a massive phobia of my partner watching anything with any nudity or sex I get anxious feel sick sweat feel unwanted rejected unattractive I just cant bare it and we do avoid it because it is a massive problem It has escalated into an even bigger issue even attractive women on tv or internet or in the street wherever I can't handle it

It all stemmed from around age 18 I am now 29 my ex was abusive and watched pron alot and all the movies he watched had a lot of sex/nudity in which didnt bother me until he started watching porn behind my back and to be fair him watching porn didnt bother me at first we would watch it together until he started chipping away at my self esteem and then it became a massive issue he was both mentally and physically abusive

So fast forward to now I have this huge phobia and it is truly awful I panic and worry alot over it I wont watch a movie with any of this in and if something was to come up I get so angry hurt even though deep down I know its not his fault but it doesn't change how it makes me feel I wish I could put it into words how much I suffer internally it is like pure and utter torture and I am not exactly unattractive and I know he loves me and finds me attractive and so on

Now this is another issue which I have never really told anyone or discussed in any detail as it confuses the hell out of me please don't judge as I am just as confused as you probably will be...

So I have this massive phobia which takes over my life anything to do with other woman nudity or attractive woman which I put down to the abusive ex partner but despite this majority of the time when we have sex my biggest fantasy is my partner having sex with another woman in front of me... yeah confusing so I spend my life panicking but then I fantasize over it? I just don't know what is wrong with me I am to embarrassed to tell anyone about it

I even look up movie content before we watch anything which is rare we do as I avoid TV like the plague he watched a movie about a year ago and I just looked up the content and it had all kinds of nudity and sex init and my hands are sweating heart racing feel sick and actually want to confront him I feel it is getting out of control and ruining my life still after all these years I need actual professional help but how and where I already go to counselling but it is more of a listening thing and I think it would take more to address and sort this than someone just listening to me

 

[schizophrenic123]

Hi I’m so sorry that your ex treated you awful. You might want to talk with your therapist about the abuse, It’s effecting your present relationship. Try watching something with sexual situations in it by yourself and see if you can find the reason your uncomfortable. It sounds to me like it all stems from your ex but I could be wrong. I can understand your decision to not include watching porn in your daily life but watching sex scenes with your partner can be a turn on, I hope you get more comfortable with yourself again so the sex doesn’t bother you anymore.

 

[Under_The_Moon]

I can understand why you feel the way you do. First of all, if he spends his time playing with himself watching porn when he has a pretty woman who wants to be with him then he is the one with issues, not you.
But aside from that, I imagine especially for a woman it wouldn't feel nice to have someone they are with prefer to be looking at other women all the time rather then looking at you with love and lust exclusively. Not only that, but porn is always flawless looking people. Most men don't make a ruler look small, but all the men in porn do. The women always have perfect bodies and look like Barbie dolls. I'm a decent looking man with nothing to be ashamed of downstairs, but if I was with a woman who wanted to be looking at those flawless men in porn rather then me, I would feel awful. But I wouldn't put up with it and stick around.

 

[Jenldaley]

I can’t believe there’s others who feel like me. I would really like the opportunity to talk.

 

[darksouls]

Hi jenldaley I don't come on this much but you can add me on Facebook if you like

 

[AntipsychoticREFUGEE]

Good to read that i'm not only onion of chastity here. Does it have to be phobia? Some time ago in mini-market I opened porn magazine and lady legs east-west and the first sensation was that too raunchy. So leaning on lingerie images.