How was your first depression?

[Zabuza]

Hey. I wanted to ask how your first depression felt like and if there's anyone who knows how mine was and can explain the details. 2 years ago, after several years of self-hatred, in the middle of the night I woke up with a sudden feeling of emptiness and loneliness and meaningless in my chest/head. It freaked me out so much that I panicked and vomited. Since then I have been afraid of depression, although I have experienced it again, I guess. But why did I vomit the first time? Because it caused me such an extreme amount of stress? Because it completely overwhelmed me? I didn't know this feeling till then. Since the first time, I then knew this feeling and didn't completely freak out over it. Now I am in a point in life where I feel kinda better, its still hard going through each day, but I learned to accept myself. But still there is this fear of this first depression because it has sent me in years of feeling like absolut shit and horrible anxiety. I read a book from Matt Haig who experienced the very same depression, why is it that some people experience it the one and others the other way? Or was it just because I panicked?
Thanks everyone.
Kind regards

 

[bpd2020]

It sounds to me like you vomited out of anxiety. I know anxiety can cause sickness and nausea.

 

[Zabuza]

It sounds to me like you vomited out of anxiety. I know anxiety can cause sickness and nausea.

Yes very possibly. This feeling of depression was completely unknown for me so I was freaked out and terrified. Did you ever throw up due to anxiety?

 

[bpd2020]

I have not but I have felt nausea. Usually when I am anxious it makes me go to the bathroom a lot.

 

[Mistral]

What other symptoms do you have? What you have described seems to be a symptom of fear and anxiety rather than depression.

 

[jajingna]

My first battle with depression was so long ago, mixed with other illness. It was brutal as it lasted so long, was ill for over a year. I had some harsh obsession over a girl I liked then too, it was really unhealthy. Think I did throw up once due to the anxiety and this partly based on seeing her often around the uni campus. What a grotesque time that was.

 

[SlowlyUnravels]

My first time depressed was around 11/12 y'o and different, more like a gradual build up than full blown anxiety crises like that. I do sometimes get nauseous from anxiety though I don't recall throwing up from it.

 

[Finite]

On a few occasions, I have gotten so anxious and overwhelmed emotionally that I have thrown up quite violently and once into a waste paper basket in my therapists office. It's not a pleasant experience and I don't know what emotion specifically caused those episodes, but being sick was somehow relieving. I have had many periods of heavy depression over the years, but I wouldn't say feeling sick or nauseous were a part of that, for me anyhow.

 

[Purpleplum]

Not wanting to talk and feeling like there was a big weight on top of things.

 

[A_Wilted_Daisy]

I've been depressed most of my life. I can't remember when or what the first time was like.

 

[ManDss]

I've been depressed most of my life. I can't remember when or what the first time was like.

Same to me. I feel like I always had depression. And just mutated in different years of my life. It started to be more concrete on my 17s I think.

Then was better. And started again at my 22s or 23s maybe.

But nothing like I had at my 25s, when loneliness really hitted me, plus other problems. That was hell.

Now I live with depression. Even if I feel good in general, I live with a latent depression.

 

[Zabuza]

On a few occasions, I have gotten so anxious and overwhelmed emotionally that I have thrown up quite violently and once into a waste paper basket in my therapists office. It's not a pleasant experience and I don't know what emotion specifically caused those episodes, but being sick was somehow relieving. I have had many periods of heavy depression over the years, but I wouldn't say feeling sick or nauseous were a part of that, for me anyhow.

Same here. I feel depression, but this alone doesnt trigger vomiting. Its another feeling that causes nausea and the discomforting feeling of being sick in the stomach, I can't fully describe it, but its weird..

 

[Talina]

I think my first depression episode kicked in when I was 11. I fully distracted myself with things, so I didn’t listen to my mind and body because I was scared of what I would do, I never felt sick. Depression have just followed quietly in the background since then. Can’t truly read my emotions, most of the time I feel empty and exhausted. Other times sadness kick in without explanation. But I’m mostly just tired with no energy.

I mostly feel nausea because of anxiety. Sometimes it’s so bad I’m just sitting on the floor in the bathroom waiting for it to pass. I’ve even waken up in the middle of the night and had to get up and handle nausea kicking in. So truly not a pleasant feeling to handle.