• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

How to.....??

kathrina

kathrina

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 6, 2009
Messages
62
My friends are still giving me a hard time, people keep saying I've lost weight. How can I tell them to back off without upsetting them? I mean I am eating a steady 500 calories or round about. If I was eating less then yes I can understand it. Ok I've had a minor hiccup with V.
I don't know what to think anymore.
Any suggestions??

:confused::confused:
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
To be honest, people who care about you will make comments about your weight and what you are eating when you continue to starve yourself and are purging.

As long as you think surviving on 500 calories is acceptable people are unlikely to stop commenting.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help. I hope you had a better day today :)
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
This is the sad reality of such a diet.....

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepag...a-Clowe-dies-on-500-calorie-wedding-diet.html

Published: 09 Sep 2009
BRIDE-TO-BE Samantha Clowe died after losing three stone in 11 weeks - so she would not be fat for her wedding.

Samantha weighed 17st 6lbs when she got engaged, but embarked on a crash diet allowing just 500 calories a day to slim for the big event.

However, after she had shed more than a sixth of her weight, fiancé Andrew Smith returned home to find her collapsed on the landing.

Paramedics were unable to save the 34-year-old metallurgist, a Leeds inquest heard.

Samantha lived in the city and was said to be "fit and well".

She had consulted her GP before starting the 500 calorie LighterLife diet, which involves eating "food packs" including soups, shakes and cereal bars. A woman her age needs 1,900 to 2,000 calories a day. Samantha's mum Barbara told the inquest in a statement: "She said she wanted respect at work and didn't want to be a fat bride.

"She was happy to go on the diet and I think wanted to surprise me by showing how much weight she'd lost."

Home Office pathologist Dr Alfredo Walker said a post-mortem examination failed to establish a cause of death. He added: "But it may be related to her low calorie diet and weight loss."

West Yorkshire Coroner David Hinchliff said it was "highly likely" the 5ft 9in Leeds University graduate died from cardiac arrhythmia, when the heart suddenly stops beating.

But he said it was impossible to establish whether her death was linked to the diet.

Recording a narrative verdict, Mr Hinchliff said: "The evidence cannot point one way or the other as to whether her indulging in that diet in any way caused or contributed to her death."

A LighterLife spokesman said: "We were very sad to hear the news of Samantha.

Engaged ... tragic Samantha Clowe with fiancé Andrew Smith

Ross Parry
"The coroner said she was clinically obese which increased the risk of cardiac death. It had been suggested there was a possible link to the diet, but the coroner said it was very difficult to make such a connection.

"LighterLife is a clinically monitored programme and has helped 150,000 people lose weight safely in the past 12 years.

"Samantha came to us weighing more than 17 stone. Although she lost three stone, her health may have already been compromised."

Dr David Haslam, Chair of the National Obesity Forum, said: "Modern very low calorie diets are a safe and proven way to lose weight.

"Samantha's death tragically shows the real dangers of being obese." Her brother Daniel, 29, said he blamed himself for making her feel insecure about her weight when they were kids.

He said: "She was always big and unhappy with it, but I didn't realise she would do something so drastic.

"She looked pale when I last saw her, but I never thought this would happen."

In 2006, 25-year-old Londoner Matilda Callaghan died of suspected heart arrythmia after losing ten stone on the LighterLife diet.

Her inquest recorded an open verdict.
 
kathrina

kathrina

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 6, 2009
Messages
62
Sapphire77,

I think it is sad she died however her weight did have something to do with it. The damage to her had already been done.

The coroner can not confirm or deny that the 500 calories diet was 100% the cause of her death.
 
kathrina

kathrina

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 6, 2009
Messages
62
Possibly but I've not had anyone diagnose me with it. I always thought anorexics don't eat anything anyway. I do eat something at least.
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
That's a complete fallacy. Anorexics don't completely stop eating!

Believe me I have met loads of them in treatment and every single one of them ate something in the day most days!

I was still eating (not alot) at my worst. The only time I didn't was when I spent a year in hospital drinking prescribed nutritional drinks. I didn't eat for three months but I was still getting some nutrition from the drinks otherwise I would be dead right now.

Again I am not saying you are anorexic but I repeat you ARE starving yourself. Whether you are anorexic or not, through starvation you are putting yourself at the same level of risk as an anorexic. If they die from it, it is usualy as a result of starvation. Which is what you are doing to yourself.
 
kathrina

kathrina

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 6, 2009
Messages
62
I'm going to die as my weight isn't that low anyway.
What was your lowest weight if you don't mind me asking?

Some days I worry about it but most days I don't even give it a second thought. I wouldn't say starving is quite the right word really....dieting is more like it.
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Hi Kathrina

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starvation

I'm afraid I don't really want to discuss my weight as I don't feel that in a forum for eating disorders that it is helpful. That is not aimed at you, but it is well known that a trait of anorexia is competitiveness and colluding, hence why pro-ana sites are so popular with many of those who suffer.
I wouldn't want to unknowingly and unwittingly set a goal for anyone else.

However I did get to a BMI below 13.

I know you say you are okay because in your opinion you are not a low weight but starvation or severley restricted dieting can cause malnutrition, deficiencies and heart problems whatever weight you start out at.

I know right now you might be enjoying your weight loss, I think most people get a buzz if they lose weight. But there is a line you can cross with it where it becomes a living nightmare, a compulsion and desire that entirely consumes you and you forget or don't acknowledge the dangers, the impact it has on your body, your mind, your social and work life and your relationships which is where I think you might be heading if you are not there already.

I am worried that I might be sounding a bit harsh when speaking with you on here, I don't mean to come across that way, it is just gut wrenching for me to think that someone else might be going down that road and I know that agreeing with your thinking that your 500 kcal a day diet is okay will not help you. Because really it is not.

But I can understand the sense of enjoyment you might be getting from your weight loss as well as the desire to have rigid control over your eating and body.

It would be wrong of me to deny that there are aspects of my anorexia that I thought gave me so many rewards and helped me cope, it is why I have relapsed in the past and why I have to continue to try and find healthy alternatives in my life to achieve those rewards and to cope. Because ultimately those temporary rewards were not worth the agony it caused me and everyone I knew, as well as the complete mental and emotional rollercoaster it caused that led me to some very dark places that I never want to return to.

.......................................................................................................

There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was labelled `ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past it.

`Well!' thought Alice to herself, `after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house!' (Which was very likely true.)

Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end! `I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. `I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think--' (for, you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a very good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) `--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.)

Presently she began again. `I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think--' (she was rather glad there was no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) `--but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and she tried to curtsey as she spoke--fancy curtseying as you're falling through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) `And what an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.'

Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began talking again. `Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!' (Dinah was the cat.) `I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, `Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, `Do bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, `Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.
 
kathrina

kathrina

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 6, 2009
Messages
62
Hi Sapphire77,

You're not being no more harsh than I am experiencing with my friends right now. It is getting close to me losing them I think. They only found out about me ving last night and were not happy. They have threatened to tell my dad and sister what is going on if I do not fill them in on what I eat and whether I have v'd or not.

I'm so upset right now :cry2:
 
kathrina

kathrina

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 6, 2009
Messages
62
When I said that it was emotional blackmail, he replied that it was my own fault for being dishonest and deceptive. He said that he was really angry. He never asked whether I was ving so never told him. Who is right here?

Sapphire77, this is getting so hard for me. I'm having to think so quickly and sometimes I feel so tired.

As I said before I am so upset about my friend. :cry2:
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Oh Kathrina I'm so sorry you are feeling so low. :hug:

I know what it is like, your friends and your family become the enemy when you are trying to lose weight against their wishes. You end up being sly, lieing, agressive, defiant anything that will get them to back off and let you carry on with losing. It is also exhausting and all consuming. It is the nature of the beast and my heart is breaking for you.

But you must not listen to that voice which is telling you to carry on this diet, it is deceptive and comes with bad intent.

Remember that your family and friends are doing what they can from a good place, their words are trying to nurture you not destroy you. They are not the enemy although I am sure that is how they seem right now.

You are probably not thinking as straight as you could be because of lack of nutrition in your body. Food feeds your mind as well as your body. Try to view it as nutrition, your medication to get yourself well rather than poison or something bad.

Have you had any further help from your GP or therapist? :hug:
 
kathrina

kathrina

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 6, 2009
Messages
62
Oh god Sapphire77, this is just hell. My friend is sending me emails and I don't want to lose him and his wife as friends as I've known him 20 years.
I'm awaiting the result of blood tests at the moment and see therapist on Tuesday. I just don't know what to say to my friend anymore. Please help me to know what to say. :cry2: I just feel so upset and don't know what to do.
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Okay hun. Try to calm down, it will be okay.

I think the best thing to say is that you have acknowledged it is a problem and accept that it is a little out of control. That you understand he is saying these things because he cares and you really value your friendship and don't want anything to come between you.

However right now until you get some help you are not sure how to deal with it and how he can help, and you need his support and encouragement to get better rather than criticism. That you have had a blood test and have appointments next week and will keep him in the know about what is going on. But you are so thankful for his concern and for having the courage to highlight that perhaps you have come to a crossroads where you need to address it. I think he is a good friend by doing that.

If you have been aggresive with him (don't worry if you have, a restricted diet can make you more aggresive and bad tempered) then explain why that is, it is not aimed at him, but you haven't been yourself lately, your mind is in turmoil and you are sorry.

I do think that being honest and open is the best way of resolving relations, but I also know how hard that can be when your mind is in turmoil about what you want, whether you want to keep losing or try to maintain a more healthy diet, it is (please excuse my language here) a head fuck.

Don't panic if he has known you for 20 years he is unlikely to leave you right now, he will realise you have not been yourself, and it is no doubt why he is putting the pressure on, because he is concerned and cares.

But you also have to bear in mind that some people can not be around someone who is intent on following such a diet, they don't have the emotional resources to see someone harm themselves like that or see the drastic personality and body change that will happen as a result. It is distressing and harrowing to see someone do that to themselves, especially if they are a good friend you care deeply about. It is not their fault if that is the case, some people cope better than others in situations like this. But it is something you have to accept if you want to keep losing weight and it is endangering your life, that as a result you may lose friends, it is largely unavoidable, and you have to decide what is more important to you. :hug:
 
kathrina

kathrina

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 6, 2009
Messages
62
I've just got off the phone with my friends and they are both still not happy. I have been given the choice by them "the eating disorder or their friendship" in their words. I had to call them back at one stage as he said that if I didn't stop this then they were done with our friendship. I got really upset and just couldn't stay on the phone. What makes it harder is that they are not in the UK like me but in the US. He wants me to tell the therapist, when I see her Tuesday, that I can't control this anymore and that I need help and again said that if I didn't then our friendship was over. :( The words you wrote in your message would not have meant anything to him as he knew them anyway. He is so mad with me right now that they had the phone on speaker phone and he was not near it.

Can I ask you something? Did you have a pain in your chest constantly when you were battling this? I've had it for a few days now and it really hurts at times. :(

I still don't know if I can give all this up but if I don't then I lose two very good friends. I'm just so confused right now. :confused:

Thank you for your replies to me, I appreciate it. :flowers:

I'm sorry if I've been difficult....seems I've been doing that a lot.

I guess now I have to think but my head is so mixed up. How did you come to the decision that you needed help or was that decision taken away from you?
 
Top