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How to support my husband through his depression



New member
May 16, 2018

My husband of 3 years (we've been together for 6.5 years in total and known each other 18 years) is very depressed. We currently live apart due to his job and I'm really struggling to know what to do for the best.

He began shutting me out in February and I have barely seen him since. I discovered that he had been having an affair with a friend and ever since he will not talk to me. He says that the guilt and shame he feels are too much for us to get through. He is saying he feels suicidal, that he's devastated, that he misses me and loves me. But he will not talk to me properly about what has happened and where we go from here. I love him and still want him. No judgement please. What he has done is despicable, and he knows it. But I am prepared to forgive him. He says that there is no way back as he won't be able to live with the guilt.

He won't let me go and visit him and he just keeps saying that he needs space. I'm trying to give him what he needs but it's so hard. I have suffered with anxiety myself and have struggled to give him space in the past so I really want to do it this time.

I discovered the affair almost 4 weeks ago and I feel like he is just burying his head in the sand and not dealing with it. He hasn't spoken to his friends or his family. Everything I say to him he takes as an attack and he is lashing out in anger. He seems so angry with me and the world in general.

He says that he had a breakdown in February and that he hasn't felt like himself since. That he isn't the same man he was and that it's all my fault.

All I seem to have done so far is manage to push him further away. Is there anything I can do to support him? Ultimately I want to save our marriage but in the short term I just want him to be ok. We've spoken once on the phone in 4 weeks and he sounded dreadful. I'm addressing my own issues and am seeking counselling. I just want to hug him and make him believe that we can still be ok. But he seems so adamant that we can't. Because he won't be able to live with what he's done.


I'm sorry you're in that situation with your husband. :hug: