• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

how to stop from hurting those I love

S

silentcaffine

New member
Joined
May 6, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Palm Beach Gardens
Hi y'all, this is my first post.
My favorite person and I went to school together, but were sent home due to the pandemic. Needless to say that being in quarantine away from my friends and without any routine has been very difficult on my mental health and is making my BPD more active than normal.

All of a sudden, I want absolutely nothing to do with the girl who has been my best friend the entire year. I know that it isn't true, but right now I can only picture her as a terrible person who never cared about me. She called today to ask why I've been so distant, and I went off on her. I purposely said very cruel things to upset her.

I know that deep down I care about her and I don't want to lose her forever. It was like I was watching myself and begging myself not to push her away, but I couldn't stop myself. I feel guilty because I know that I upset her, but I can't feel anything other than anger at her right now.

I'm not really sure what to do, any help would be appreciated.
 
wraziel

wraziel

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
796
Location
Chile
I understand you. I'm distant of my confident since november 2019. I don't wanna talk about my trash and damage her. Now I'm livin' with my things inside.
 
A

Adam0117

Member
Joined
May 5, 2020
Messages
23
Location
United Kingdom
I have repeated this cycle with every girlfriend I ever had, and could never ever make any of them understand it wasn't "me". After I did this to my ex girlfriend two years ago I vowed I would never get with another girl ever again. I don't want to hurt, or be hurt again.

Have you explained to her about your condition and why you said these things? I can't advise you to open up to her in that regard, it's a hard call to make and a personal decision. Personally I believe full disclosure is the best course because of the experiences I have had; that side of me will always inexorably raise it's ugly head so forewarning may soften the blow and shock of it to them. Some people though may be scared by that hence the tough decision in telling them.

It's easily the worst part of this disorder, the hurting those you love the most. It's like a sick and cruel joke from the universe.
 
Alice Raven

Alice Raven

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
900
Location
USA
I am so sorry you are going through that. I empathize from the perspective of being the other person. I had a close male friend who shows all the signs of BPD and some narcissism. At one point he wanted a relationship and I did not. The horrible things he said and did after drove me away. At no point did he take responsibility for his actions and always blamed me. Plus, he refused to go back to therapy and did everything he could to not own up to what he was going through.

I really do feel for you. I think the best bet may be to reach out and apologize and let her know what you are going through and how it makes you feel. But I think accepting responsibility is key. My friend's never accepting his role in what he did was a huge turnoff for me and a big reason I cut off contact.

Best of luck and blessings to you.
 
A

Adam0117

Member
Joined
May 5, 2020
Messages
23
Location
United Kingdom
I am so sorry you are going through that. I empathize from the perspective of being the other person. I had a close male friend who shows all the signs of BPD and some narcissism. At one point he wanted a relationship and I did not. The horrible things he said and did after drove me away. At no point did he take responsibility for his actions and always blamed me. Plus, he refused to go back to therapy and did everything he could to not own up to what he was going through.

I really do feel for you. I think the best bet may be to reach out and apologize and let her know what you are going through and how it makes you feel. But I think accepting responsibility is key. My friend's never accepting his role in what he did was a huge turnoff for me and a big reason I cut off contact.

Best of luck and blessings to you.

Interesting to hear from your perspective, I read your in depth post about that in another thread. To a degree I could understand a lack of comprehension and self delusion/denial from your friend but believe me there comes a point you have to take the onus. The cold clarity of sober hindsight demands it. For my part after I pushed my ex away, then begged her to come back etc.. I owned it all in the end and told her she deserved better, somebody who would never be so difficult. How sorry I was and to go and enjoy her life. Things only soured towards the end and we eventually parted amicably although with great mutual sadness. I still wish I could take back some of the things I said, she was a sweet and wonderful girl. Still... for 95% of the time it was an amazing experience for both of us. Not one sided but a mutual and strong attraction and we just worked.. that's why it's so sad bpd can lead to crushing that. She may have been my wife in an alternate reality. I don't think struggling with bpd can ever coexist with a relationship. It's too counterintuitive.

Sorry not meaning to hijack your post, just sharing so perhaps you might glean something from it. Do you want to go through that incredible heartache or do you think you can get to a place where you can control yourself? It's hard.. for me I've decided never again. Better that way from my perspective at least. Friendships can be more eternal and beneficial in many cases.
 

Similar threads

Top